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Show ' a wedge of gooseberry pie, "loll me tho story of your life?" "Ah. mum, It Is a sad talc," responded re-sponded Sandy Pikes as he wiped away a tear. "In mo boyhood days I used to be a steeplechase rider and otten made de water jump." "And now, my poor man?" "Why, de water makes me- jump. Tanks for do pie, mum. Chicago News. Height of It. Mr. Phunn 1 tell you theso railroads rail-roads are a tyrannical lot, Mr. Phann You bet! I've even been at ball games that were called so the two teams would be ablo to catch their trains. Puck. The Other Way. "You may pay me $100 down and ?25 a week," aald the physician, offhand. off-hand. "Sounds us if T woro buying an automobile," au-tomobile," the patient said. "No," said the doctor thoughtlessly; thoughtless-ly; "I am."-T-Buffalo Express. A Cautious Statesman,. "There seems to be some doubt as to wlroro this politician was born." "Yes, I Ihlnk he's afraid to try to saddle It on any one place." kan-ras kan-ras City Journal. JUST FOR FUN A Black Outlook. Mrs. Simper found herself for tho first time without a cook. Sho bad paid very good wages, and suffered patiently from the carelessness and caprice of a succession of unsatisfactory unsatisfac-tory kitchen helpers. After preparing several meals with her own fair hands, and gaining confidence con-fidence in tho art, she approached her husband with a brilliant proposl tlon. "What do you say, dear," she be-fan be-fan "if we do without a cook and 1 keep tho money for my very self? Suppose I cook for one month, what thall I get?" "Well," Bald tho husband, "by the end of one month you will get on" of those long crape veils for widows." Scraps. Try Again. Two young ladies boarded a crowded crowd-ed tram car, and were obliged to stand. One of them took hold of what she supposed was her friend's haud. They had stood thus for sorao time when, on looking down, she discovered dis-covered that she was holding a man s hand. Greatly embarrassed, he ex-c'almod: ex-c'almod: "Oh, I'vo got tho wrong hand.!" Whereupon the man. with a smile, stretched forth his other hand, saying: say-ing: "Here Is the other ono, Mlsa." Tit-Bits. Tit-Bits. Early Habit. Mrs. Judson Have you over noticed no-ticed the polite consideration Mr. P.Iysterre shows other people? At tho dinner table, for instance, he rever puts a morsel Into his own mouth, till every ono else has been helped and is eating. .Mr. Judson Oh, what you term his consideration Is only an illustration of a force of habit. His wife used to do his cooking for him and he learned at that time it was always wise to let some one else test the food before tackling It himself. Chi j cago News. Unless. Townsend Can a man live on a dollar a day? Beers Certainly, unless1 he'd so prodigal as to lay something aside for a rainy day, keep up his insurance, fat when he's hungry, buy clothes and pay his bills. Chicago News. Hla Lose Her Gain. "I am sorry to hear of your loss, Mrs. Flnnegan." "Sure, an' what loss, ma'am?" "Your loss when your husband died." "No loss, ma'am, at all. He wor insured for $1,000, ma'am." Baltimore American. Athletics. "Is it necessary for a youth to kneel when he asks a young woman to marry him?" inquired the youth who reads novels. "No," replied Miss Cayenne. "If I were you I'd do something original nd startling and stand on my hoad.r Washington Star. Prevention. J "Sometimes you have to hit a man to make hlni keep quiet, so that you j can save him from drowning." "Yes," replied the abrupt person; ' ;md the time to do it Is when he Mm begins to rock the hoat." Washington Wash-ington Star, What Was Dearest. "An artist," fall Mr. Teechum, "should strive to reproduce what Is noarext to his thought and deepest in his affection." "Yes," replied the mercenary genius, geni-us, "but the laws against counterfeiting counter-feiting currency are so severe." Washlngtqn Star. Tho Declining Sens of Humor. "Do you think Americans have a great senso of humor?" "Well," rep'led Senator Sorghum, "I'm afraid it isn't what it used to be. The folks out home are becoming becom-ing so Interested in economic Issues that thoy don't seem to care whether I toll them any funny stories or not." Washington Star. Slight Change. "Ah. my poor man." said the sympathetic sym-pathetic housewife us tbe handed out |
