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Show Ij Dorothy Dix Talks I : Should Husbands and Wives Develop Each Other? jj j! J By UUKOTHY lJl.;ihe Wf' Highest l'a.d Woman Writer One of the curious reactions of mat-t mat-t rimony seems to be that in the sreat majority of cases, it dulls the brlght-v brlght-v ness and withers the charm of those I who enter into it. Some fine and H- Jusive quality of mind and spirit, some k airy, fairy grace of soul appears to be : crushed out by domesticity so that ': you rarely find a man and a woman t! who are as attractive after marriage ' as they were before. This is true even of those who arc happily married and who have no black disappointment to wark their outlook on life, or kill their aspira- itions. Except in the solid, plodding, work -a -day virtues, after marriage t the great majority of people standi : still, or if they progress, they progress pro-gress backwards, as an Irishman might ' , say. , :. Before marriage John was an oni-nlverous oni-nlverous reader and nothing was more ' ! Interesting than to. get him talking about new books and authors. Meet him five years after marriage, and he , will tell you that he doesn't keep up : ; with current literature, that he only ii has time for the newspapers and the i -i- r .. ti 1 : a marelous reconteur who could tell a stor or do a bit of pantonine as j , ! veil us any headline vaudevillian, but , a few years of matrimony extinguishes ! John's sense of humor and puts his 1 1 little talent entirely out of commis- sion. Before marriage Mary played and sang like a professional. Thousands of dollars and years of time had been spent on her musical education! Ten years after marriage Mary can't play the Maiden's Prayer, and when you ask for a little music she says, "why :. I haven't touched the piano in years : ; and I dont believe 1 have sung anything any-thing bul lullabies since my first baby was born." When you exclaim in horror -at her having let her talent rust out she says ; apologetically that John doesn't car.e for music. When you ask John why he doesn't read, as he used to, he says that Mary isn't interested in books and likes to play cards of an evening, or that he has given up telling stories because Mary thought he made a buffoon buf-foon of himself. Neither husband nor wife intended to block the other's developments, but l they did it just as effectually by their i indifference as they could have done by a malicious plan. For the finer flowers of life must have the warm sun of appreciation shine upon them if thej are to grow and flourish, and i, this congenial temperature they sel- ; dom find at home. II; Of course if we brought any intelli-; intelli-; gencc to bear which wc do not upon ; the great problem of how to be hap-; hap-; py though married, husbands and wives would not be guilty of the crime of hindering each other's development in any line. They avouUI perceive the importance of introducing new intcr-i intcr-i ests, now enthusiasms, now sympa-j. sympa-j. thles into their lives to take the place j of the old ones of which time is bound to 10b them. J, That would make a woman oncour-, oncour-, : ago her husband to develop every pos- '. sible power of mind and body, to use his talents, to study, to learn, to grow, , instead of sinking into a mere money '; making machine, or an automaton that worked on a shuttle between home and office, and has no knowledge or in-;i in-;i tereat outside of the shop. '' It would make the man encourage i his wife to keep up her littlo accom-; accom-; plishments, to practice her music, to keep up her painting and drawing, to j. pursue whatever studies she had tak- en up before marriage, to even go In j ; for clubs and movements if she had i executive ability, or to become a champion tennis or golf player if she has athletic tendencies. Ho would help her develop Whatever What-ever facility she had into a facultv instead of letting here degenerate into in-to a flabby, peevish, aimless creature whose whole horizon Is bounded by her own home and a bargain sale. Nothing would do more to eliminate the dullness of married life than for husbands and wives to trv to help each other to make the best of themselves them-selves instead of praying for grace and patience to stand each other as they do now. Indeed, it is the duty of husbands and wives to try to develop each other, f a man marries a girl who has had little opportunities of education and who is not bookish, instead of giving up his own reading and sinking to her plane of illiteracy, he should read to her, talk to her about books and try-to try-to get her interested in them. He should try to lift her up instead of letting let-ting her be a millstone about his neck to piill him down. Men are much to blame when thev have blockhead wives, for there arc few women who will not respond to their husband's interest in their development, de-velopment, and who are not willing to work and study if their husbands desire them to. Of course it must bo admitted that when husbands and wives undertake to correct each other's faults Ihey tread on dangerous ground, because they strike a death blow at vanitv. Each likes to believe that he or she is perfect in the eyes of the other, and it is a shock to discover that the one whom you suppose has regarded vou as an angel considers your taste' in novels that of a chambermaid, or the being you have supposed regarded you as a hero shudders when she sees vou eat peas. Still the thing can bo done if it is done tactfully and gently. Love is an anaesthetic under whose influence oven faults can be amputated without pain, and certainly the marriages in which affection and interest never die are those in which the husband and wife help each other to a mutual growth and development. oo |