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Show Kathleen Norris Says: This Woman Shouldn't Wed Faultless Man (Bell Syndicate WNU Service.! ait Jay, my former sueetheart, has a lovely daunhler, uho ts a pupil in the school uhere I leach. So I have seen Jay again once or tivice. lie has all his old charm and high spirits. By KATHLEEN NORRIS ONE of the most awkward questions that youth can ask age is the one a girl named Vera asks me this morning. Vera's letter comes from a Georgia town; she evidently evi-dently belongs to a somewhat prominent family, for she was given four years at an expensive Pennsylvania college, col-lege, and also tells me that she has had two visits in California Cali-fornia "where Mother and Dad usually go every winter." Vera's problem is this: When she was 19 she had a love affair, entirely en-tirely unknown to the family, and extremely serious. For three months she and her sweetheart were passionate pas-sionate lovers, then Vera's feeling waned, and she had an uncomfortable uncomforta-ble time extricating herself from Jay's still exacting devotion. "Don't think I didn't pay for my early foolishness," writes Vera. "I did, when it came time to try to break engagements with Jay, to cut down on letters and meetings, to make him see that I was through. The day he came to me and said that he realized at last that it was all over, and would trouble me no more, was actually one of the happiest hap-piest of my life. "Two years later, when I was glorying in college days, Jay married, mar-ried, and I felt nothing but utter relief. Novels for generations have talked of the shame and danger of love affairs, but my real difficulty and tragedy, instead of being that of trying to hold my lover, was that of getting rid of him. Fell in Love Again. "I am now 27. Last year I met a man whose fineness, dignity, intelligence intelli-gence made me feel that he was set apart from the ordinary run of men. We are deeply in love and were to nave been married this June. Robert Rob-ert is a church member, indeed once studied for orders, and has an almost al-most fanatic sense of honor. "Meanwhile Jay's wife has died, and he had a lovely daughter of five, who is one of the pupils in the school where I teach. So that I nave seen him again once or twice. He is much developed from the impulsive im-pulsive boy I knew eight years ago, with all his old charm and high spirits. "As Robert's wife I would have wealth, position, and the companionship compan-ionship of a man who is bound some lay to be conspicuously successful ii his profession. Jay is Just one ousiness man among many. But Jay wants to marry me, and Robert tecs .hat it might be right "Perhaps the path I should take leems smooth and obvious to you, jut I can assure you I am harassed ind undecided to the point of almost 1 olng out of my mind. It has never leemed to me possible that any woman could be in any doubt about vhlch man she wants, but the cir-umstances cir-umstances here are peculiar, thanks my little-girl folly, and I really lon't know what to do. Robert says te will leave it entirely to my con-icience, con-icience, and that he knows I will lecide rightly, and yet while that nay make you smile with the idea hat he wouldn't mind getting out of t entirely himself. I know that, at 16, he has never cared for any worn-in worn-in but me, and would be deeply itrlcken at losing me. Robert Worries. "His brother tells me he cannot ileep nights for worrying over this rung; the brother doesn't know all he circumstances. Robert has had he old house completely modern-zed; modern-zed; he has talked to me of our lfe together as though it were a (ream too precious ever to be real- A NEW PROBLEM Here is a problem Kathleen Norris has not recently dis-cussed. dis-cussed. The "Vera" of this letter let-ter cannot choose between two men. The one, her former sweetheart, can give her charm, a spirited sense of hu-mor hu-mor and a love that has matured ma-tured into deep devotion. The other, a solid, successful man of 36, can give her wealth and position, but her life with him would probably be very dull. He has already told her that if she feels it is her "duty" to marry the other man she is, of course, free to do so. But Vera believes that losing her would break his heart. If hat should she do? ized, and if I decide to marry Jay it may embitter him for life. "A hundred times he has said to me, 'Oh, why, why, why, does it have to be this way? Why you, of all women?' Of course that is what my own heart echoes. But twice lately, Robert has used the expression, 'if you feel you must pay the debt.' Will you tell me what you think and help one more distracted woman to peace?" Judging from your letter, Vera, I would say that life with Robert might be a rather rigid affair. It seems plain that this self-controlled conscientious man is having the sort of battle between the spirit and the flesh that comes only to religious persons. He is in love with you, and it is his first love, and so overwhelming overwhelm-ing and painful. Robert undoubtedly thinks that Jay has a claim upon you, that you pledged him wifehood when you yielded to him in that early affair. And that nagging conviction will grow stronger after marriage, when the first wild glamour dies and he discovers that you are human, and can make mistakes and be troublesome trouble-some and disappointing like any other oth-er wife. So I wouldn't marry Robert if I were you. If the more easy-going, cheerful Jay is sympathetic to you, and you can imagine yourself as making a good mother to his child and working out a happy normal life for yourself as his wife, then why not tell Robert once and fur all that you see the Justice of his attitude and that you have determined to make the only reparation in your power for your youthful mistake. This will make him feel heroic and that you both are committed to the dutiful and self-sacrificing course. Success Rests With Vera. But if your decision meets with violent opposition from Robert, and he implores you to forget the past and go on with him into a more honorable future, then of course you might relent and accept the more distinguished destiny. A faultless husband is a fearful and wonderful thing, so be sure that you are reluctantly re-luctantly talked over, If you 'decide to be talked over. It might be that in the future you will be glad to remind re-mind him that your decision was made to marry Jay, when Robert persuaded you otherwise. With either man, the success or failure of the marriage rests with you. With Jay you probably would have cheerful companionship, more laughter, more of the unexpected than with Robert But with Robert you would have wealth, position, the power a young wife with both can wield, and the knowledge very much to your credit that you did not conceal anything from him and that he contracted this marriage with his eyes open to your early history. |