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Show By Brian Gray The Utah Legislature is not the only governing body with a case of Viral Silliness. Now Congress had caught the bug, too along with a caller from Washington, D.C. insisting that weekly newspaper columnists drum up support for her well-meaning well-meaning cause. "Since you're from Utah you probably understand the importance im-portance of this law more than journalists in most other states," she said. "You're saying that Utah is different than the other 49 states," I replied. "Well, I'd agree with that." "We could really use your support in supporting Congressional Congres-sional action to require warning labels on alcoholic beverage bottles." The law, she said, will place a gummed label on each bottle of beer, wine or other alcohol stating something like: "Warning: Alcohol Can Cause Birth Defects and Auto Accidents" Acci-dents" or "Warning: Alcohol Can Increase Risk of Cancer and Liver Disease." "Our latest statistics," the lady droned on, "show that 12 million people are addicted to alcohol and that drinking results in 100,000 deaths per year. Anything you can do to promote passage of the labeling law would be much appreciated." "Well, you won't appreciate me," I answered, "because I believe labeling is senseless. Labeling is a typical bureaucratic method of addressing a problem without solving it. Congressmen Congress-men will pass the law, slap themselves on the back and then head to the nearest Potomoc cocktail party to drink a Rob Roy at the taxpayer's expense." "Can I answer any concerns you have on labeling?" she asked. "Sure. How would a drunk read a label? A drunk has a hard enough time finding his Oldsmobile, let alone zoom in on a one-inch piece of gummed paper." "You are making light of a serious issue," the lady said. "Oh alcohol abuse is serious. But labeling is a silly approach. If the government gets into the labeling business, what will come next. Labels on automobiles (Warning: Driving at Unsafe Speeds can Result in a Decrease in Life Expectancy). . . Labels on bananas (Warning: Natural Chemicals Inside the Banana May Create Risk to Consumers Taking Blood Pressure Medication). Medica-tion). . . Labels on Big Mac's (Warning: Beef Consumption May Create Health Risks Due to An Increase in Cholesterol Labels on Julio Iglesias records (Warning: Listening to Julio May Cause Excessive Sugar Intake and Result in a Woman's Heavy Swooning)? The sad truth is that almost everything one can purchase is a health hazard if abused. If you have your way we'll have labels on everything but asparagus tips and wheat germ." "But labeling will alert users of the potential damage, not only to themselves, but to others," said the lady. "Sure, but what are you telling them on the label? Nothing that veteran drinkers don't know already! According to the Utah Department of Health, over 33 percent of Utahns imbibe, at least occasionally. Excluding children, that's about 300,000 drinkers and every single one of those 300,000 will tell you that drinking too much can make you drunk. Drinkers also know that drinking and driving is risky, that excessive drinking can cause liver damage, that pregnant women should drink nothing stronger stron-ger than A & W. It's no use warning them about something that they already know." "Then why do they continue to drink?" asked the caller. "Some of them drink because silly government people like you are dreaming up costly schemes that do absolutely no good. If you want to minimize alcohol abuse, start funding educational programs and treatment centers. Even better, begin promoting the concept of responsible drinking. Italy, Spain and Israel all have higher levels of per capita alcohol consumption but lower low-er levels of irresponsible drinking. Take the 'macho' out of drinking and you'll solve much of the problem." "Well, will you read the proposal if I send it to you in the mail? I'll just send you something to read." I hope she doesn't send me a label! |
