OCR Text |
Show Nothing Safe Nowadays Mechanical Grave Digger May Spawn Joke Crop By Fieueik, C Othmaa , WASHINGTON A Seattle, Wash, machine tool company now ia advertising in the funeral parlor trade press history's first' automatic grave digger. Thia portends a revolution in an ancient profession; I fear it also will spawn a new crop of grisly Jokes. It Indicates further ' that in this mechanical age nothing la safe. Every hour ea the hour cornea up something new. Now we've got tablets guaranteed guar-anteed to cure colds, maybe. Razor blades your face can't feel. A machine that lays bricks. Paste that keeps holes from growing in teeth. And sll over the country suddenly sud-denly there's a rushing business In shoes with built-in socks. Or maybe it's socks with shoes attached. at-tached. These consist of leather soles with knitted uppers. How to wash same I would not know. Neither would my laundry man. He says he doesn't think they're supposed to be washed. of soap for $3.50. A luminous bottle opener for those biblers whose lights have gone out ia available. A while back I mentioned in these precincts the Los Angeles inventor who was marketing the self-heating hot dog. This was not all. He sent me a box of hia . products, which included coffee, cocoa, baked beans, hamburgers, beef stew Ind. of course, those dogs. I lined the cans up on my desk and punctured same, as per directions. Immediately they began be-gan to aizzle. No newspaper reporter re-porter ever had a bigger banquet, ban-quet, quicker or hotter. My only complaint concerned the coffee. I like mine with cream. A wholesale haberdasher has developed the hangover hat This haa an ice bag on top. ear flaps lined wifjf cotton so the sufferer cannot hear, and a blinder so he can't see. Widgets which make round Ice cubes instead of square are popular. It must be that round ice ia colder than the straight kind. A radio manufacturer haa developed de-veloped snd is about to place on sale the all-white television set. What it will do to the biscuits I shudder to think. I had a sneak preview of a couple of 1950 model automobiles the other day. These at least I could recognise. Fact ia they looked almost the same as the 1949s. The big thing in autoa, the man aaid. ia automatic transmissions. Some shift the gears themselves. Some have no gears. Some seem to operate like the old model T, only smoother. By the end of next year he predicted there wouldn't be an automobile on sale without one. I'm not complaining. com-plaining. I'm just waiting, is all. for a car that steers itself snd stops automatically at red lights. On the market is a wrist watch with an outside regulator; if it runs too fast, don't go to the jeweler. Just fix it yourself snd not a bad idea, either. Cuff links come with compasses built in and, for the de luxe trade, with watches. One of the biggest shirt outfits haa a whits dress job without buttons; a concealed ntpper does the trick. A leading textile firm has gone into mass production with black pajamas for men; these are trimmed with dragons embroidered embroid-ered in metallic golden thread. They sound a little scratchy to me. The coffee shortage has been good news to the tea men; they are readying large advertising - campaigns and building vast new factories In which to put pinches of tea into those little blotting paper sacks. On sale ia a hand warmer about the sise of a cake |