| OCR Text |
Show Solves the Problem of Paper Shortage . ' iC a t- Would Eliminate Space-Devouring Ads J2 i J Death Notices Are Also Called Useless By RING W. LARDNER. IjROM everwlieres comes tho cry save hite paper and in my letter lat vk, I all ready mentioned about the props, of all tho bis newspapers in the country held a meeting In X. V. dty and disgust the short ige and promised Uicy wouldn't uo no more of It then was necessary but from all I can see tho papers pa-pers is still comeing out dully and Sun. as bis as lifo and all tho paper they been saveing wouldn't make a night gown tor a eUaret to and a outsider might think they had give their promise as a practical Joke and without no intentions of carrying thorn out.v But a friend of mine that knows some of the big editors personally claims they would bo" tickled to dentil to live up to 1 he agreement only they haven't no idear in regards to how to go ,1 1 it in ot her words t hey don't know went they could leave out of the papers without the subscribers getting sore. Jlaybo tho genial editor of this paper is in tho same pretty pass and would welcome wel-come a few suggestions from a person like T who lias give tl.e m.i t tor a good ilea! of tii ought ami have got my finger on tho public pulse at all times you might say. T N P10 1st. place .coins I would cut out the news from foreign con n try s. They's a paner laying here along side of mo which has cot a p a col. on Page 1 .-'bout Pgypt being gi e a constitution and ii not her ' u col. a iout P: j million gals, ef whiskey being released from bondage and t browed on t ho market in Pi 11: land. yll if the item about Lgvpt had of l-ecu left out P10 mo.l of us would of thought that I :ypt ul v. ays did have a cons: Uu-:icn Uu-:icn but even the few that knowed hotter hot-ter could of stood it a few more montlis to ;- on PiiuMng LLypt didn't have no constitution at leas.- till the white paner short ip-o is over. As for tho other item it Is like rubbing salt in a ra w wo u n d cud. if tee papers wants to spend a c-d. lacerating their readers on a ex-nosed ex-nosed nerc why they can holier their beads off abou t the oaoor fa mine and not get no s mouthy from thinking men. I don't know of no case where print-big print-big 1 bo nes from acrost the old oonJ e t r done any go.nl hero as t hoy's ojentv of times ii has caused a lot 'of t rouble hko back in PM 4 for inst. when I ho p'i vers a II come out 1 day and said the Bebg'unis had started h big war p.ni .1!! the b:g Puronean couutr"s was messed up in it and t,cv Kent r;-:nt:r.g abour it t'lil finally we got into it oursd's cere as if the news had o;' been s-ipni'essed in Pic is;, phi.ee wc wouldn't of knew they wa a war or where to go to get in!o it. And If we hadn't of got into 't I conic! of kept :'. a secret about Laviog -i vertical ver-tical children and flat feet. p,"-l' oh'i pick up io paper eve-y .n-a .n-a I'd find w here P-e.-ident. V;:o'i i. mctiOiie in :l about a average of p '.noes. "c!' i: ;o,-'s to mo PKo most of vour subscribers knows hv this time that tho President's Utsi nao-c is WhP.m t hey 's 1.0 sotie follow in g in P,-,e word T-resitlctu with the w ord ML! son ovorv time you so; to mention him and as tbov'y suppoe If bo r.''.1'1 w.v-(is j A col. why evcrv ivc.T i-o'dd s:o e a c1!. in l:" days by .; saying Pi-osident doi;o so and so or Vhs:.'iu sa;'i ;:;: --nd Pat Ar-i the 0P1 -r thing instead of rresidi. ;;t V:1-so' V:1-so' sahi 't or dne it and etc. iut o'i.t t'ic e-- :;h 'loti.-os. When a ma. n die the- -"a-n-'ly .:. Vy finds out about r wutiiout looki'-.g in no p;iwr and h for L:s f ri"-!. 's wb.v I don't know of noeody t 1 it. reads dt-aPn notices every uav to find out if any of their friends" has "died on them, but if they got a friend that i " could of kept it a secret about having 4 vertical children and 2 flat feet" ' kJf- he loos Uarw S lik .T-we p;;4 1 t. MODEL ,POR HP H"5 v h. -I THF FC l ROM Pft2? like olo ( w J L -u- rfefgp A- 1 I j . I 3 ( ; u v 4 VVtc. at the it.i. 'icssKSFEd they think t key's any chance of him dying on short notice why they wul give h.s house a ring a couple of times a day and say is ?o and S st'i'.l alive or dead or neutral. People that dies suddenlv with or without kelp usually eats up a "couple of paragraphs in the news section so all and all the, mortician col. could be cut out bodily itn.vi cerybodv have just as good a time. "p'.iljTTV near every paper now days has got a page or of con.vai Pictures tluit liK'V call their, strips whieiis sup-ose sup-ose lo make their peai to tlie re.- l.rP nsibles and ciier them up. The s:r'"'s t.tc way tht-y iia e got them now is divided no in panels usually 4 or ; of them P 3 strip. But as tar as I can see all t: cackles is crammed into 1 1 so List pa:vi so why not cit out the other or 4 and just leave the comical one '''here Mutt bea ti s J e f f w : t h a cro w ba r aid -Bam. Finely cents I would cut out the A iw-,- tPc-ins culs. Vou can't never m,,:,,- v-, . bc.,c tea;. ,i nnti't they need n m ot hi rig wit; out wa":u- i they S'o it in tee n.;s. yo.i oa Lt m-- iel:e'.e tl:a; w .eu :;. c 1 Pung tho ii.'s i$ going to make' h something else. For inst. wha: do 1 w o n I need a hair cut -u-hy I g,y to a btfer shop and make my Wants known either vy . ord or token to t lie nearest vacant ; barber and tbL-v won't no unit, of adver-j Using make me no in a animal store and; buy a pet wolf fM- my children instead of! go to a barber s:op and buy a, hair cut, tor myself. ( r iake when a female sub- ; seriner ro-'s a new shoe 'why her toes knows wuih-uit i'ci- seeing the word mentioned men-tioned in the a IverPsoing cols, and ii P'e is a stranger in t'.e city wliv she- can find out. p:on- to not one by walking up to :i rolieemau :.ml --a'. ;, g whore eati I g-:t a r.ew s! if its a pi. of gin sac- w.i!"-; h ,--..td c ' . shoe why -iio can su bst n at c t "a. wovd r t. e i" n i u for the word s.:oe :id say where can I net a pi. of sin. The advertiseirg eois. crowds out more live ih-ws suc.t as Jack Pemo-v tcok a foot bath last irg'.t" than any' other 1 feature in a newspaper and P'':-.n;alv T ha e penned ma ny a comical line that never seen print borat:se :t iiad to n:ake way tor a eulogv of somebody's embalming embalm-ing fluid that nobody will ever know if a!i u.ey claim :t it is true or not. Pul out ;ko aiP gents ;t;,d ah so tae oth?r items wh a h j have i uiit ioned and PL thing 1 on k 'ow noo-iV -,..!!! ; .. thro-- mg hi'-C p.Lp.; arouiai hke it was "ivy, ureeuw.ch, Conn.. Dec. 6. j (CopTighf. bv B,.; -.-nuieato, jnc.) gram proved a fiasco all alon the line, , but to Comiskey the lesson "a3 valuable. It became clear to him before the season 1 ended that cooperative bapeball "was an , impossibility and he kept this in mind and profited accordingly. He early discovered dis-covered that player and promoter could not travel in the same harness. As the former had at best only a. hazy idea, of the financial end and the latter knew little or nothing: of the technical side, clashes were bound to oeeur. The pjayers riehtly argued that no one came through the turnstile for a glimpse of the magnates. They themselves were the attraction, and this attitude lent Itself It-self to an Impaired visjon where the men on the field saw twice as many In the grandstand as the turnstiles tabulated. To them It was always a paying crowd, regarflless of the "paper" represented, and thOs the suspicion often got, abroad that the capitalists "held out" on them. Having for many years traveled "with baseball teams, I can bear testimony to the fact that this visual defect still afflicts af-flicts our present-day heroes, and, it might be added, newspaper statisticians and fans as we,. So. in 1S90. the leader of the Chicago Brotherhood team decided that in future only on vote would be cast in any club that he was financially interested in. lie adhered to this principle, even though the experiment in hie minor league ventures ven-tures proved costly and left him with a flattened pocketbook for his re-entry hitu Chicago. U was not entirely the fault of Ihe players that the Brotherhood failed. The immediate reason for the final breakup was the fact. that, some of the most on-thusiasi.ic on-thusiasi.ic backers wouldn't stay hitched. The Xew York and Brooklyn clubs, during dur-ing the winter of 'fw-'fn, entered into negotiations ne-gotiations with the National league, a move which eventually had the effect nf causing all the rest of the clubs to rush for cover. Peace Short-lived. The "selling out" process completed, it ; became theoretically a return to the antebellum an-tebellum status with the National league aid Pie. American .association still working work-ing und'M the agreement formulated in 1Spi. The players were to return to the clnbs from which they originaiiv hailed, and in 1sni Comiskey again became the head of the St. Poms Browns. Hurdle had the rival fHotions kissed iiid made up before war broke out anew. This time the National Icanue and the merican nssociatiou went into a clinch. The la Per accused the former of bad taith in permitting the, Pittsburg and Boa-Ion Boa-Ion clubs, respectively, to sign Bierbauer .and Stovcy. These plavers had originally been on the reserve list of the Philadelphia Philadel-phia A thiol ics, but. as it was claimed, had not appeared on the roster as turned out at the lime of reorganization. After the association had lost the case on appeal ap-peal to the joint governing board, it announced an-nounced the abrogation of the uai iona' I agreement and there started a fin lit to i t ho finish. J To ihe credit of the game, it should be pointed out that the players se'dom lent themselves to the machinations of the magnates. Almost solidly thev stood pat when i: came to a ouesrion 0f honor a- was proven time and again during the season. Few jumped from tho Player1-' league to organized baseball, but in "each case wilful misrepresentation s waved them. .How blandishment failed to in-fiucn-e others is related hv a. G Spalding Spald-ing hims-lf. then at the head of theNa-ttonal theNa-ttonal league war committee. Kelly Refuses Big Offer. Aecordinz t Mr. SmtMin?. i: iva- te n-r-rl timt eetlinc Mil;.. Ktlly hark n tiie fo ri would be a ten slriki?, and so li v.n ai.ii-nH..-li.-(l. A I .' '-'hrk and a blank rontrura were laiil bet'oi-o h!in. The ron-trvii-t SpHl'iiim au! horizon1 Keljv to fill in timself. Ti' accDied he was to l"ave tint nig-ht to loni i'po Boston Xationale "His fa-e hlaiK-heJ." writes Spalding in "America's National Game." 'T'ocs that mean fiat I am to join the leatrie'.' Qnit the Brotherhood? Go back on e.e hn)-?" rjuerierl Kelly. "That's what it means." was te answer. I: must bo remcmhr-re-i that Koih- a!-niii-y i-H'i hP'l t'n lerutation of hein" rhronua!:- hrolce, of .'ontiniiallv defend-in? defend-in? on the club treasurer for an adanee and it was a big temptation to "thn kin?:." lie askc-d an hour and a half to think it over. Then he started for a walk, |
