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Show f A Line o9 Type or Two ''Fay ce que vouldras. M - : - -f BY B. L. T. For a launching at Manistee a bottle of champagne was used, "secured on the promise that it would be employed for no other purpose than to be hurled atfain.-t : the hue prow." And when it was hurled the police had to keep bark tho frenzied crowd that wanted to lap the wasted wine. Toto Papers Please Copy. Sir: Ancnt the abolition of the Oermnrt language In Toto, I would recall tiiat city as the place whore thoy ran th cnb reporter's re-porter's story. "1 want it run as I have written it, and in toto," said the cub reporter. re-porter. "Therp," responded the city editor, edi-tor, dashing nt into the waste basket. "There it is, pause, in Toto." But the real question is: Can you gricss what we called the waste basket after that? T. S. Relatives Are So Trying. (From the Antigo, Wis., Journal.') R. CS Van Torcn and family arrived Saturday evening from Milwaukee. They will spend a week hero visiting relatives and then go to Minocqua, where they have rented a cottage, to enjoy the remainder of their three weeks' vacation. We Don't Get It, Either. Sir: De Yalera, the president of the Irish republic, is doubtless, ex officio, commander In chief of the w. k. Irish navy. But I am c 2 k what connection this lias with the fact that Sovereign : Bros., dentists, have earned a (dental) chair among the immortals by speeialiss- ing on crowns. W. M. T. "Why cable may-I-nots? The receiver has no chance to stop him," whys Des. Oh, well, in cabling only one word is used "min." The Timetable, Watson! (From the Minneapolis Journal.) I am thankful, dear friends, to receive what I did this morning, and you are more than welcome to everything even money and the things that could be purchased but, please, won't you return my pretty hand-made nightgown and corset cover? Just let me feel I had one birthday present pres-ent back which I received from my mother. moth-er. If you return it my best wishes for LUCK go with you all your life even if I did not receive all back. Address Y473 Tribune. "All the farces are at work to satisfy Irish demands." Pan Francisco Examiner. One of the hest is "The Eloquent Dempscy,"' superbly played by Mr. De V alera. Give Us a Lower to Lower California. Sir: I notice Doc Garfield has served notice that he can fuel some of the people all the timo and all the people some of the time, but he can't fuel all the people all the time. Buy your tickets for California early and avoid the rush. BELL. Of course you noticed that a man was arrested in Pennsylvania for trying to bomb Joseph Canteloup, a wealthy fruit dealer. The Idea, ventures Calcitrosus, was to split a melon. Marvelous Teats of the A. E. F. (From the Stars and Stripes.) On a bright day of last September word was received that the infantry was going over the top without the aid of a barrage. I mentioned the fact to a sergeant who presided over a brother gun. He, being a big-hearted lad, thought it suicide for the boys to go to the attack without the soothing effect of a hell-ripping artillery to precede them. It did no good to trv to cairn Sergeant Speedum by telling "him that the guns had not yet been brought up, save for three, besides the fact that the nearest ammunition was at a dump a hundred yards distant. Nothing daunted. Sergeant Speed urn's face took on a determined grin. He threw his coat aside and sped to the dump, secured se-cured ammunition, and soon had the three guns spitting fire. I, thinking the man loco, sat down and watched proceedings. By this time the infantry had started from the trenches, but, to their surprise, the barrage was there. The sergeant's speed was so great that in passing back and forth from the ammunition pile the friction fric-tion of the air against the shell set off the percussion cap, but, meeting the predicament, pre-dicament, he would unscrew the mechanism mechan-ism and extinguish the spark before the explosive ignited. In this manner he carried car-ried the ammunition the hundred yards (one shell per trip), loaded and fired the guns, besides thoroughly cleaning and oiling oil-ing the guns after each dozen shots. It seems incredible, but there is authentic au-thentic proof that the firing was done so rapidly that it looked as though a pipe line was running from the mouth of each piece. Though all this seemed supernatural super-natural to me, Sergeant Speedum crowned the feat and increased my wonder when, after firing a shot, he would run around to the head of the gun and look down its mouth to see what detained the shot. The infantry obtained their objective without a casualty. Seeing the boys well set, the now perspiring sergeant put on his coat, sat upon a rock, rolled and lit a cigaret, looked Into my staring, awestruck awe-struck face, and said, "Kid, don't tell this on me. I could have done a decent job if it wasn't for the fact that the ammunition am-munition dump you spoke of was blown up and I had to make my own out, of that scrap heap over there on that hill." which, by the way, was two hundred yards distant. c T.JDO M, BUNDSTTU, Cavalry, alias Artillery. We acknowledge receipt of a handsome blotter from Beers & Beers, Agents. Champaign, III. But there is nothing to blot, except tears. Proof-room Classics. Sir: One of the most popular patients in our army hospital, Colonel Miner of the 109th F. A., was cut across the cheek by a shell splinter shortly before he lost his left leg, in the Argonne. The Philadelphia Phila-delphia North American, in commenting on the occurrence, declared : "It was' at Apremont that Colonel Miner received the wound which left him scared for life." Colonel Miner says he'll say so! A. S. N. i j "Mrs. Clancy appeared to be in straight- '. ened circumstances and frequently took in Washington." The incomparable Hera- i miner. The Washington habit will straiten any- j body's circumstances. j Suppose She Should Miss a Count! Sir: Speaking of the responsibility that rests on the slender cord over the shoulders shoul-ders of the modern-gowned prima donna, did you ever stop to consider the responsibility respon-sibility that rests on the young lady who does the Dance of the Seven Veils the i responsibility of always being accurate in ! her count? H. E. B. i People flock to Rochester, Minn., to be 1 operated-on, and the park band always in- ; eludes on its programs, "Request 'Funeral March of a Mario-net.' Mario-net.' " ! Asides. M. C-: Write oftener. O. U. I.: We haven't the books, and we'd be glad to have them, a little later. Jacnue: Still impatiently awaiting your exposition, "Soon after breakfast 400 men stationed at the airdrome were roused from their sleep to prepare for the landing." A. P. disnatch. Join the air trade and have your breakfast break-fast in bed. Roll Your Own Conclusion. (''From the Akron Beacon -Journal.) Nor tli Springfield Presbyterian 10: "0, "Own Your Own House in North Springfield"; Spring-field"; 7:30, "Dead Broke." ' The motto of Pres. Tubbs of the Royal Crown Laundry in Pasadena is '"Nothing sinlseeds like sudsess." The president will be verv happy to con-. con-. fer with the senate. R. a. V. P. |
