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Show I A bachelor is cither a tightwad or doesn't earn enough to divide. When a girl takes a chew of gum it isn't necessarily becuuso she wants to spruce up. The vcr' fact that he lets him shave him ought to make a man a hero to his barbor. , ', I Anj'way it doesn't appear to-havo been any pleasure voyage that Doctor Grippen took, j Along about Christmas 3'ou can buy I a straw hat for something near what it is really worth. Now they are forming a bread trust; which means that the populace must get into the bread line, j "Fires in Montana aro raging ' again," says a news heading. Some-I Some-I thing like Uncle Joe Cannon. Naturally a girl likes to be treated I with respect, but sometimes she prefern to have the trcnt mixed with ice cream. Those of "tho brethren" who declare that they never read The Tribune are usually first to complain about what is in it. For "a few sporadic cases" of new polygamy in the Mormon church, a list of one hundred and thirty-nine is some formidable. Colonel Roosevelt wnuts it understood that if ho is to bo umpire in the political politi-cal game, bricks and pop-bottles must be barred. They are still killing negroes down in Texas; but tho announcement is far away from a boom "ad" for tho Em piro State. "The Lord helps thoso who help themselves;" but the trusts havo'things 60 arranged that it is impossible for a fellow to help himself. I New York has a new style highball that costs $1.20. If the "drink itself doesn 't do it, tho price ought to bo sufficient suf-ficient to lay a fellow out. However, tho determination of our local lo-cal young Republicans to hold their annual an-nual picnic at Spidcrvillo shows that they are either brave or reckless'. President Taft desires newspapermen to describe his golf -playing without' fiat-tering fiat-tering him. In that case, they should get their descriptions from his caddies. As to who is responsible for so much new polygamy, we anxiously await cotn-pilation cotn-pilation by tho Mormon church histor-ian's histor-ian's office of a "Who's Who" in the Hicrnrchy. Five royal embassadors are soon to go forth from London to inform other monarchs of Europe that King Edward is dead. No need to admonish them to take their time about it. It is to be hoped that Elder Joseph E. Taylor of tho much polygamous re-ward re-ward money took pains to peruse the - list of Melchiscdck lawbreakers printed in Monday morning's issue of this pa per. A noted psychologist says that not even a murderer should be too harshly condemned, because he only acts accord-ing accord-ing to his lights. However, and not-withstanding not-withstanding that, the best thing to do " is to put out his lights. j AviatorH say that when they get about u mile up in the air it is cold enough to wear an overcoat. That might prove to bo some inducement if U didn't involve the necessity for getting a fellow's overcoat out of pawn. |