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Show 10CI OUT m HOWELL Brother Sml Playing Slick PoJitlcs. Putting Brother Roberts on the Stump as an Eye-Opener. Eye-Opener. , Brother Fussy Gets Off One of His Embarrassing1 Jokes on Bishop Winker. Strictly Confidential. MORMONTON, Utah, Oct. 21. Dear Brother Penrose (Apostlo and Editor of tho Dcscrct News) : Thorc'a no use talking, talk-ing, but for holy, religious mon, Oods anointed ministers, appointed to establish estab-lish the kingdom on earth. Brother Smith and Brother Smoot are getting on to the lino points In tho Utah political gamo in a way that must mako tho professional ward heeler green with envy. Say, don't you think that Brother Bill Glasmann Is a pale gray broncho with freckles on It? Not too many freckles, but Just freckles enough? As 1 was about to remark, that was a velvety political play, putting Brothor Roberts on the stump for Powers and leaving tho twins at home. Everybody knows how Brother Roberts loves Judge Powers, and It must have required all of Brother Smoot's lntluonco with tho Quorum Quo-rum to make tho play good. But It's a winner. Nobody will believe now that thoro Is any church lntluonco for Brother Broth-er Cutler. Isn't Brothor Roberts a prophet, scor and revelator, and when lie prophesies that Powers is going to bo elected It looks like another ono of those revolation.s that tho church must make good or stop cutting Ico. It won't do to have an official and authorized rov-elator rov-elator revelatlng wrong in a campaign. Tough on Brother Howell. Of course. It's pretty tough on Brother Howell to rocelvo tho Jolt whore "do lady wore de beads," when he expected to get tho solid vote of tho Cacho valley, val-ley, but it Is his own fault. Brothor Smoot never told him to run for Congress. Con-gress. Ho Just butted In and got tho nomination before Brother Smoot was ready to name tho man Brother Smith had picked out for tho Job. Brother How-oil How-oil will know better next time. Let every heart rejolco that Brother Smith and Brother Smoot. aro getting there with both feet. There arc no chocolate-drops on the Smiths and Smoots. I soo that you have been tooling your bazoo again. If you could only go away back and sit down In some Iron cago and havo the door locked on you, it would be a good thing. You arc getting In Brother Bill Glasmann's class, only you haven't the freckles, but you can beat him on ears, in a canter What's tho use of talking about "old, oft-repeated and vile falsehoods," "threadbare fables" and "the shameful work of Ubol-ors Ubol-ors and slanderers?" Why don't you cut it out? You keep on harping on these things and, the first thing you know, somebody will prove It on us. I can hold out against the truth as long as anybody, any-body, but thoro Is no use trying the Samson Sam-son trick of pulling out tho pillars of tho temple at this stago of tho game. Gag yourself. Have a Right to Talk. Yes, I know you have a right to talk and write any way you please, but If you do you will get bounced out of tho church Tike Brothor Thatcher, nnd with your record on earth your future in the hereafter will bo fringed around the edges with red-hot buzz-saws, Instead of your favorite tamales. Now go ahead and write and talk as you please, but voto for Brother Cutler. Call It coercion or compulsion and make the most of It, but remember that Brother Smith and Brothor Smoot wore placed upon earth as our Infallible guides, and you must accept counsel or walk tho plank. Say. doesn't It Jar you to havo mo talk to you In this way? But you realize that I nm talking for the Lord, and when a man talks for tho Lord ho must carry his nerve with him. Now, for the sako of Zion. don't say anything about this to Brother Smith. Ho is as touchy as Brother Fussy, and, sitting right up noxt to the great white throne, naturally he feels his oats, and that's saying a groat deal when you reallzo that oats aro quoted at 20U cents a bushel. In winning win-ning over the Mormon Domocrats for Cutler Cut-ler he told mo to keep my exploits to myself, but I can't help telling you about them. If he should find it out ho wouldn't do anything to me that Is, not anything much. Uo would not have mo dropped In boiling oil, or pour molted lead In my cars, or anything llko that. Brother Smith is not a cruel man. Ho might pull off my right arm and hit me with tho bloody end. or do something else llko that. Certainly, Cer-tainly, It would bo punishing me, but In such a kind, gentle, religious sort of a way that ono might really enjoy tho loss of an arm In that manner. Brothor Smith's Long Suit. However. I am not hankering for Brother Smith's attentions. Ever slnco I heard him denounco Brother Thatcher and sensed his meaning about tho Gen-tllc Gen-tllc enemies of God. I havo concluded that If Brother Smith had not been especially espe-cially selected as God's anointed and general manager on earth, he would havo been a pirate on the Spanish main, but as mild a one as ever cut a throat .01 scuttled a ship. As you once remarked to me at Brother Ncphl's bar, God moves in a mysterious way his wonders to perform. per-form. I used to think that wo could not always see cyo to eye with tho church leaders, but slnco I got Into tho push and dodged a fow of Brother Smith's curves, and saw Brother Smoot without his apostolic robes, I have changed my mind. My No. C says she thinks that Brother Spry Is quite a dodo bird. Sho haa been consulting tho dream book about his vision on Judgo Powers, and she Is positive that Brother Smoot would have been away ahead of tho gamo If Brother Spry had been born dumb or had received a revelation not to talk. It might not bo too late now to get a small, two-dollar revelation on ollcnco and deliver It to Brother Spry. My No. 3 says your No. 2 agrees with her In this. But let that pass. Brother Fussy Sees a Joke. I can't sec why Brother Fuasv should bo called anderaon. even If that is his name. I was coming homo tho other day with Brother Roberta from tho world's fair, where wo went to itquandcr somo of tho Lord's tithing. J had my No. 7 with mo and my urmy of Uttlo Mormons, and wo attracted universal attention. Ona ungodly Gentile asked me If I was the head of one of tho infant Industries of Utah. Then Brother Fussy broke In with his guffaw. There was nothing to laugh at, but Brother Fussy always laughs whether thoro Is a Joke or not. Without waiting to find out whothor the ungodly Gentile-wanted to talk to Mm or not, he blurts out: "Sure. Brother Winker is nt the head of ono of our mo3t nourishing lufant industries. in-dustries. Ho has bIx vlves and forty-nlno forty-nlno children. He is a fine example- of tho real Brlgham Young etjio of polyga- mists. He defies the laws of God and man and Is as bold about It as President Smith." Then Brother Fussy roared with laughter, laugh-ter, and everybody on the sleeper, except Brother Roberts, glared az me and my army of little Mormons until the seventh Mrs. Winker was so embarrassed that oho retired to a stateroom. I was asked all sorts of Impertinent questions, and Inadvertently Inad-vertently let out that the Mrs. Winker with me was No. 7. Let Out tho Skeleton, "Sure," exclaimed Brother Fussy. "My friend, Bishop Winker here, has only six wives now. but he had seven. However, that's another story." and then Brother Fussy smiled In such a way that tho curiosity cu-riosity of those Gentile enemies of tho kingdom of God was so excited that they Insisted upon an explanation Then Brother Fussy, with nn example of triple-plated triple-plated gall, deliberately exposed my grinning grin-ning famllv skeleton. You know that "there has been lots of trouble on the old man's mind, all on account, all on account of Eliza." x Eliza was my original No. 2. Wo had three daughters und ono son. Eliza seemed to lose tho fear of tho Lord, and although sho was ono of tho brightest stars in my crown of glory, there was no getting along with her after I had taken my No. 6, bo I sold her for forty beaver skins to Brother Elank. Brother Blank received four additions to his family fam-ily before Eliza began to get restless again, and then Brother Blnnk traded her to my own brother BUI WInkor for a pair of mules devilish good mules, too. Thero's no uso talking, Eliza had her good points, but she was not gifted in Btoadying tho ark. Sho presented Bill with threo sons and a daughter. Ordinary Mormon Episode. Now that's the wholo story. There ain't anything wrong In It. or dlfforcnt from what has happened time and again. It's Just an ordinary Mormon episode. Eliza was worth every ono of tho beaver skins and both of tho mulca and everybody was satisfied. But my son by Eliza married by brother Bill's daughter by Eliza, Bill and me being brothcrs-In-law by the name wife, kind of complicated the relationship of tho young folks, but It was all right as ong as there was no kicking in the families. But Brother Fussy thought that there was something lingering and humorous hu-morous in -this simple family romanco, and so ho asked thoso ungodly Gentllos if they could guess what kin we all were to each other? Not a ono of those blooming Idiots had been ablo to guess the answer when the train arrived In Salt Lake and the sov-cnth sov-cnth Mrs. Winker, our Uttlo Mormons and myself left the train, leaving Brother Fussy laughing no if ho had struck It rich at tho grass roots The ungodly Gentiles wero amazed. They are not very smart as nn aggregation anyway. That's Brother Fussy's Idea of a Joke. Wouldn't ho tako the prize for a wise guy in a dime museum'' Brother Fussy doesn't como up to my Ideals at all. Your true friend In tho gospel and old pal in polygamy. CEPHAS AURELIUS WINKER. Bishop Mormonton. Prospective, Apontle, and Main Guy of tho Smootler Push, P. S. Has Brother Smoot ever been separated sep-arated from a dollar without tho uso of i chloroform? |