| Show MRo DOOLEY ON PLATFORPI flAKiNG Thats slhrlkcs me as a gran platform plat-form said Mr Henncpsy Im with it frm start to finish Sure yo are1 said Mr Dooley an so yecl be If it begun We denounce Terence Hinnlssy Iv th Sixth ward iv 1 Chicago as a thraltor to his country i an inlmy Iv 1 civilization an a poor thing Ycd say While there arc wan or two things that might be omitted th platform as a whole Is a statesmanlike doeymlnt an wan that appeals to th InteUiglnce Ir l American manhood Thats what yod say an thats what ilft all th likes Iv ycd say An whin Illc tlon day comes round th ony question yell nst yeersilf i ifi I Am 1 with Mack I or am I with Billy Bryan An ac I I cordlnly yeM otc I f I TIs always th same way an all platformsis alike I mind wanst whin 1 I was an alternate to th county con vintion ftvaa whin I was a power In pollytics an th ony man that cud do annylhlng with th Bohamian voLc1 was settln here wan night with a pen an a not Iv Ink hefurc me thryin to compose u1 platform fr th nex day i Tr 1 was a lithry man In a way dye mind an I knew th laads d want a few crimps put In th Raypubllcans In a glntccl style an d be sure to call on me fr to do it Well Id got as far down nslh tariff an was thryin Ito I-to express me Ipinyon without swearln whin who shud conic in but Lafferty that was slcrcty Iv MpMahon that was th Main Guy in thlm days but afther ward thrun down on account iv him mixln up between th Rorkes an th Dorseys Th1 Main Guy Down Town said he wuddcnt have no throuble lit th ward an he declared McMahon out McMahon had too much money anny how If hed kept on dollar bills d have been extinct outside Iv 1 his house But ho was a sthrong man In thlm days an much liked Annyhow Lnfferty that was his sicrety come In an says he What are ye doln there says he Step soft says I I am at wurruk I says Ye shuddent do lithry wurruk on an empty stomach says he I do nawth in on an empty stomach but eat says I Ive had me supper I says Go way says I till I finish tli platform I says Whats th platform says he Fr th county convlntlon says I Well sir he set down on a chair an I thought th man was goln to die right there on th premises with laughter Whin yc get through with yeor bark tin says I Ill throuble ye to tell mo what ye may be doln it fr1 I says 1 sco nawthln amusln here but yecr prlslncc I says an thats not a dlv vle iv a lot funnier thin a wooon leg I says fr I was mad Afthpr awhilo he canio to > an says ho Ye dont raaly think says he that vcll get a chanct to spring that platform ho says I do says I Why he says th platform has been adopted he says Whin says I Bcfure yo were born says he In th relght Iv Blldad th first says hehe was a lamed man was Laffcrty though a dhrlnkin man All sloretlcs iv pollytlclans not In office Is dhrlnkin men IIInnisBy Ive got th copy Iv It here In me pocket he says Th1 boss give It tome to-me to bring it up to date he says They was no sthrlkc last year an woo got to put a plank In th platform plat-form or put the prlsldlnt Iv th Lumber Lum-ber Shovers union on th county boord an he says they aint loom he I Why says LafTcrty 1ye ought tc know th hlsthry iv 1 platforms ho says I An he give U to me an IM give It toe to-e Years ago Ilinnissy manny years ago they was a race between the DIm mycrats an th Raypubllcans fr to see which shud have a choice iv principles l II I Th1 Dlmmycrata lost I dlnnaw why Mobbe they stopped to take a dhrlnk Annyhow they lost Th Raypubllcans I came up an they choose th we com mind principles 1 an they was nawthin left but th we denovwcc un deplores I dlnnaw how it come about but th DlnimyoratU didnt like th way th thing shtud an so they fixed it up between thlm thivt whlchlver won at lh lllction should commlnd an congratulate con-gratulate an thlm that lost shud denounce de-nounce an deplore An so Its been ony th1 Dimmycrats has had so little chanot fr to do ann thl 1S but denounce de-nounce an deplore that theyve almost lost Ill use Iv lh other wurruds Mac sets back In Washnton an writes a platform fr th comity on rlsolutlons to compose th week afther Hes got a good Job fortynine ninety two slxtyglx a month and tis up to him to feel good 11 mean we he says congratulate lh counthry on lh matchless statesmanship onshrinkln courage steady devotion to duty ah I principle of that gallant an honrablc I leader mcsllf he says to his slcrcty Take that he says an elaborate it he Bays Yoll find a dlchnry on th shelf near th durc he says 1C ye dont think Ive put what I give ye shtrong enough he says I always was he says 1 too rotlrlnVfr mo own good he says Spin out th rrest he says to make about six thousan wurruds he l says but be sure dont write anny oll thIng too hot about th Boer war or th Phllppeena or ChIn or th tariff or th goold quotation or our relations with England or th civil sarvlcc he says Tis a foolish man he nays that throws a hunk iv coal frw his own window at th driver Iv 1 a brick wagon he says But with Billy Bryan tis different lies out III Lincoln Nobrasky far frm home an he sayo to lilninllC Me throat la I hoarse an Ill oxcrclfie me other facUIcs lie says TH write a platform ho says An he sets own to a typewriter an1 denounces an deplores de-plores 1 till th hired man blows th dinner din-ner horn Whin he can denounce an deplore no longer he views with alarm an declares with Indignation An he slnds It I down to Kansas City where th cot beds comes frm Oh ycr always pltchin Into some wan said Mr Hcnnessy I hot yc Wlllum Jennings Bryan nlyer see lh platform befure It wlnt in lies too good a man He Is all Iv 1 that said Mr Dooley But ye bet he knows th rale platform lhim la i Look at th had breaks Macks made an Macka platform IH Yed gel worse if ye had Billy Bryan An it dcplnds on whether most iv 1 th voters arre Ured out or ony a little tired whos lllctcd All cxclpt you Hlnnigsy Ycll vote for Bryan I 1 will saId Mr Ilonncssy Well said Mr Dooloy dye know I rl Duspiclcd ye might Copyright 1900 I by R H Russell |
