Show TOLD ON THE QUIET A Record of Individual Opinion Merely A North Carolina turkey gobbler recently re-cently scratched up eight potatoes in a garden and has been sitting on them for several weeks The result I take it will be quite as satisfactory as the outcome of the alleged contest by Conkling Axton Eichnor et al S Here is a warning to Mrs Hen Peck In a dispute with a member of her family Miss Emma Lindsay of Ohio Falls Ind became so excited that she fell to the floor in a swoon She has since been blind and speechless although al-though the quarrel occurred several weeks ago Sc The women and clergy of San Francisco Fran-cisco are endeavoring to purify the press Would it not be better to purify society first from head to heel The press Is able to take care of itself It Is but a reflex of its surroundings and many a morsel of scandal is rolled under un-der the tongue of society and conveyed from one city to another orally that the press would not stoop to publish If the ministers will take care of their own flocks and leave the press alone they will be engaged in a far more laudable undertaking As a rule there is nothing more wearing on a man than a lawsuit Ex S or S To my friends the widows Mourning Mourn-ing paper Is a satire in itself It means says the Boston Transcript the deepest possible margin for the flrst six months say Then it grows a little narrower Is that a sign that you are not mourning as much as you were the first half year Next year It is narrower nar-rower still The grief is greatly mitigated miti-gated The third year if is a mere streak Your sorrow does not amount to much now The next year the black border has entirely disappeared Does that mean that you have forgotten your bereavement That would be the logical interpretation and yet in the case of how many whose stationery has gone through this diminishing perspective per-spective to the vanishing point the sorrow sor-row has been even more bitter after years perhaps than it was at first S SIt S-It is now generally conceded that it was a newspaper man who invented the story that tancolored shoes would be worn during the winterS winter-S S S The craze for chrysanthemums six inches in diameter has struck the Berry Walls Qf Salt Lake I discovered discov-ered a handsome young bank clerk propelling a sixincher through the streets the other evening It reminded me of the story lately told in Puck in which the little girl marvelled greatly that her gentlemen acquaintances should carry a patch of cold slaw on their shoulders r S IS He hung up curtains all the day With whistle and with song And when his wife came home at night She said they were all wrong a VogueS Vogue-S S C Salt Lakers who go to the Midwinter Mid-winter fair will all take in Chinatown of course not knowing that within a block of the fashionable dry goods stores there is a San Francisco Chinatown China-town in miniature right here in Salt Lake I use the word miniature advisedly ad-visedly for the street that I refer to is but a few rods long It extends from Commercial avenue to Second South On that street is the famous Oriental building in which a word of English is scarcely heard from one years end to another unless it comes from the lips of a heathen or white opium fiend S S a A stroll down that thoroughfare after night fall is full of surprises for those who never venture off the more frequented streets The street is quiet now however said a policeman to me the other evening to what It was a year or more ago A large number of the heathens have either returned to China or have sought more profitable quarters elsewhere S S S Opium joints are numerous but it Is the hardest kind of work to locate them A fiend can usually spot one at first sight and obtain entree but brass buttons and blue clothes have a very peculiar effect upon the Chinese As one of the heathen lately expressed Just as soon see the deb bcl any day and allee time As long as opium smoking is confined to the Chinese It would be almost foolish on the part of the police to interfere It is as much a part of the daily life of + J ifii i r I > the heathens as 1t their tea or their chopsticks i T S Yet there is little doubt but that many a Chinaman reaps a golden I harvest from pipe hitters and there are many of them now in the city I As a rule however the Chinese are I very cautious and will not be caught napping by a stranger who may come I in the guise of a policeman or a detective detec-tive for the sake of gaining a few j I cents In that they differ from the I Caucasian C S SHe S-He clasped her tightly in his arms The rose red to her forehead flew And struggling she with vague alarms Cried Sir what are you going to do With bending head he laughed My dear I I mean to kiss you Is it not so And blushing to her shell pink ear I She softly whispered 11 thought so Brooklyn Life S S S I Every paper has an alleged dramatic criticthat is every paper of consequence con-sequence In a great many casestoo often they are not critics they merely give to the public an idea of what they think individually of the show There is no attempt to show how a certain part should have been played no at tempt to set a misguided actor or ac tress on the proper course but simply a bald statement that Mr Flies was not happy in his character of the vil lain To these critics who dont crit icise I submit what an editor in Chicago Chi-cago or some other western mining camp had recently to say of Patti Asa As-a singer she can wallop the hose off any that ever wagged a jaw on the boards From her clear birdlike upper notes she would canter away down to the bass racket and then cushion back in a sort of spiritual treble that made every man in the audience imagine every hair on her head was a golden hair on a celestial harp over which angelic fingers were sweeping a There is said to be a merry little war now on in the fire department In the last issue of a local sheet there is a bewildering be-wildering display of masculine beauty a collection of the faces of the fire department de-partment and besides this there is an heroic story of what is alleged to have happened since the present chief took control The article Is very creditable and I mentally gave the publishers credit for a good deal of enterprise Imagine my horror think how my feel ings must have been jarred when I received re-ceived yesterday the following Dr FellDid you see my mug in the paper I hope you did for it cost me four great big silver dollars I understand all the boys have been taxed to that amount It is a great luxury at this time I can tell you with city warrants below parbut well I paid it under protest Theres a god time coming I hope F IREMAN S S S The winter is upon us and cold weather rules are now floating around in the papers I have read some and endeavored to follow the advice given therein but gave it up as a bad job One mustnt talk when he is hoarse must not breathe in a cold room must not go to bed with cold feet but whose feet it is not stated must never begin a journey before breakfast must never lean on anything that is cold must never ride in an open carriage or near a window must never omit regular bathing must keep the mouth shut when out of dOQrsthere Is where the pinch came that is why I retired r DR FELL I |