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Show set- : jjGHTER SIDE H;. rrjus look at serious topics. te: eal campaign promises "CYCLOPS tnhution'- . , ;-jest Writer Pt, in several weeks we'll be voting for various and sundry -Ci : a,.ors and city councilmen...and in order to sway our vote, these various and sundry candidates are suddenly I smiling' shaking hands and making Jefferson-like procla- llU mations as to where they stand or swivel on important city h issues. . . . . ' What the politicians say is often not what they really nean. So I'm providing excerpts below from the famous Cyclops Lexicon of Municipal Political Rhetoric:" "1 will promote economic development in our city" On of (which really means "We need ZCMI to front a mall and put the little shops out of business.") ttive i will insure adequate housing for all citizens" (..."But don't build any apartment complexes in my neighbor-' neighbor-' hood.") "1 will make government answerable to the people" il rca) ( .."Especially those people who donated $25 to my cam- IO "I will not raise taxes" (..."Unless, of course, I have to!") - "Small business is important to our city" (..."But large business is even more important.") i "It would be an honor to serve" (..."And it would also 1)p be a source of employment.") "I respect my opponent" (..."But I really don't like the E sucker!") "We must protect our quality of life" (..."Especially my $125,000 home and my new BMW.") ( "I have been active in civic affairs" ( ..." I attend church ' 1 and spent $3 on a PTA membership.") 1 It'll "I support recreation programs for our children" -1 1 i (,.."As long as they don't cost us anything.") jiUf "lam a life-long resident of this community" (..."I ?jfJ never made enough money to leave.") 5r$T "We need strong leadership" (..."And my opponent is SJa i awimp who voted against my pet zoning change.") "1 support a strong educational program" (..."As long ' as the school district pays the bill.") "We need to improve our tax base" (..."I don't know what that means, but every other candidate is saying it.") P.rn, "I have five children and 18 grandchildren" (..."I've m been around a long time.") "Proper Management is essential" (..."and my brother-m.i brother-m.i J in-law needs a job.") sfTT "We need to attract new industry and new jobs" 1 k I It ( 'But we don't want a bunch of strange people coming JJiUl inhere.") "1 support our senior citizens" (..."As long as they don't want any money to build a Senior Citizens Center.") r "I love this city" (..."And I also love pizzaand football ! and money and...") ' r e neec' a resn aPProacn t0 c'ly government" - I ( .."Kick out the incumbents this election, but don't kick XJ me out when I'm an incumbent.") jXTgl "My opponent's claim is incorrect" (..."The guy is an 'Vflfa Solute idiot!") JiZii You've heard these phrases before and you'll doubtless sWt 'leart'iem again. But at least you have an opportunity to NiwL them. Some 80 percent of the world's people crouch S j under an assortment of dictatorships, and they don't get a fj i chance to hear such foolishness. jjjCSii i Make sure you vote on Nov. 5! ' i ' - ,.. ... ..... .. .....'.'.'.".'. ....,.., i |