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Show Scraps MORE THAN ONE WAY A gentleman with a sensitive and cultivated ear was annoyed by the per . sistent and wretched plnno playing of a woman who occupied the adjoining flat. One day he met her In the hall ; with her rour-year-old duughter. "Your Uttlo girl plays quite well for a child of her age," he remarked lo bis most friendly manner. "I hear her practicing, evefy day." The offender made sure he was out when she opened the pluno again. ' Deserved Reward. "What's going ou here?" "A column conductor la being presented pre-sented with u loving cup by his admlr-Ing admlr-Ing constituents." "What Inspired such an unusual demonstration?" dem-onstration?" "He has never imitated Pepy's diary or written a parody on 'Mary's Little; Lamb."' . , Hard to-Olscourage. "Senator, there is a man outside who looks like a Job hunter." f "Tell him to come back tomorrow." "He says he hasn't eaten In twe days." "That won't keep him from coming back. He'll show up here If he has to- , be brought In on a stretcher." The Modern Equivalent "A member of congress accused another an-other statesman of indulging In 'livery , stable talk.'" "He's behind the times." "Eh?" "He probably meant garage chatter." chat-ter." . PERISH THE THOUGHT The Dog Fancier: Yes'm, that's a blue ribbon Pekingese. Pedigree goes back to the time of the Ming dynasty. I tell you, ma'am, a dog like that's not to be sneezed at" The Dog Lover I should say not. He might catch something dreadful from a sneeze. Normal. A normal boy Is Willie Bpratt. He's always asking: "Where's my hat?" The Scenario Writer. "Ton seem blue." "Work Is scarce. All the movie stars are writing their own plays." "How about the case of this monkey actor?" "That cheers me somewhat ne can't write his own." . Not Enough Exits. "Have you any comprint to make?" asked the prison visitor. "Yes, I hnve," replied the life convict. con-vict. "There ain't nearly enough exits ex-its from this place." Playing Safe. Krlss What did you have on the fifth race? Kross Just a pair of borrowed field glaxses. "The White Man's Burden. " The Man Friday I don't like this goatkln Prince Albert, muster. It's too hot. Why do we hnve to wear clothes on this Island? Robinson Crusoe These garments are unhandsome and uncomfortable, but we must endure them. They are our badge of civilization. It Usually Pleases Us. "It is easy enough for an orator to get thunderous applause at the very beginning of his uddress." "How?" "All he has to do Is to sny, 'My friends, we are n great people,' and then puuse dramutlcully for the cheers." Adds to His Revenge. She Father's rem..rks about you were very bitter. He I'm glad they were, because I'm going to make him eat his words. One. on Uncle Sam. Kiln Who l this K Plurlbus Unum? Father I don't know, hut 1 don't likp these- men who part their names In the middle. Accomrrcdating. I.ndy Before I take yo" I must know If you're engaged. 1-ena -Ma'am, do you mean If T have a filler I.ndy Yes. Lena No, ma'am. I haven't, but I can noon get one. If you Hke It, Both Out Calling. He Where were you lust night? She Out. I culled on n newly married mar-ried pair. Where were you?" IIe-1 was out, too. I called on a pair of nines. |
