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Show Taking the Blue Out of Monday ? I .j. By JUNG LARDNER VmK"K-:kk-X":":-x-:-:-:-:-:-:'-:-:-:"X To the Editor: 1 don't kuow how it is around different dif-ferent parts of the country but out our way the boys is all worried about Blue Sunday and what they going to do with themselfs when the Lords day alliance gets to work on the sleeping beautys down in Washington and slips another dose of bug poison to the boys that still staggers to their ft when the baud plays the land of the free. A few of the bos takes the proposition propo-sition like a joke and say they won't nothing come of it, that the Master Minds that makes our laws will knock 1 this one foi a row of rhubarb. Well they said the same tiling in regards I io prohibition but you can drive your flivver up and down Main St. all day long now days without getting side swiped bj no beer truck. The boys might as well get It , In their bean that the new law will , go through like it was playing Yale and in a few more wks. old Mr. Monday, Mon-day, that everybody use to crab at because it meant to go to work, will be a 2d Xmas with people wakeing ' up full of zip aud slapiug 1 another on the back and hollering merry Monday Mon-day and many of them. Persouly I haven't saw no draft of the statue but they tell me it provides pro-vides for everybody to go to church and as far as that Is couserned why they might just as well because It ( also provides- that they won't be no movies or no ball game or no Sunday paper and you can't dance or go ride-lng ride-lng or swiming or picnicking or shoot craps or play cards and etc. with pen-altys pen-altys all the way from 30 days to a couple of minutes in the electric easy chair. Well friends when this comes they's Just 3 ways to take it. You can pack your tooth brush and night gown and move to Paris or you can stay here and obey the law or break it. Now wile many books and songs lias been wrote about the glorys of gay Puree I seen enough of It so as I would advise ad-vise my readrs to stay here even after the Master Mindu passes r.he next amendment witch is comeing after this one and witch will provide that you can't eat meat or have corns. As for obeying the law they's no use obeying the letter unlest you also obey the spirit and the spirit of the law is to see that everybody has a rotten time Sunday, yourself Inclusive. Inclu-sive. This ain't as easy as it sounds like, so for the benefit of my readers I have figured out an ideal program for a blue sabbath as follows: 6 A. M. Get up and take a cold bath. Shave with ice water and find your own clothes. 7 A. M. Breakfast. Burnt toast with any good coffee substitute. 7:30 to 9 A. M. Don't smoke. 9 A.M. to 1 P. M. Sabbatb school and church. 2 P. M. Have duck for dinner to witch is invited a man that was in the war and his wife and 4 kiddies. Ask the man about the war. 3 to 5 P. M. Keep asking the man about the war. No smoking. 5 P. M. Vespers 6 to 7:30 P. M. Try and call up somebody that has got a new number. 7:30 to 9 P. M. Church. 9 P. M. to bedtime. Talk nice about everybody. As for the boys that wants to evade the law, the 1st place they can't be too careful as the penaltys is going to be mighty stiff like for Inst. 8 yrs. If you are caught laughing unlest Its at 1 of the ministers gags or some funny crack In the colic for the day. But for the boys who is willing to take a chance I have got up a serious of substitutes for the different crimes like motoring etc., that can be pulled off without no fear of detection unlest un-lest the people you play with and iu-vite iu-vite Into your home Is a wolf in cheap clothelng. Motoring. Every time you get Lome from church run out to the garage and chnnge tires. Cards, craps and etc. Set In church with a p"1 "nJ bct on nB-v of t,ie following propositions. 1. The next gal that comes In will be a blonde. The odds against this is about 2 to 1 unlest un-lest It's a ski jumper's church. 2 Will the text be from the odd or even number chapter. 3. Who will cough ' nexl a man or a woman. Surf Batheing. Fill the bath tub with water nnd pour J2 bbl. of salt in It. Then you and tiie wife and kiddies put on a batheing suit and get in. You duck them and they j squeal. Picnic Put your dinner in a basket bas-ket along willi some hugs and dirt. Sprinckle the dining nn. floor with leaves and sand burrs and set down and eat. Movies. Put ou; the lights and shut the window curtains. Hang a sheet nt one end of the rm. and set and chew gum. Baseball. Set on the Ironing board and keep hollering, "That a hoy." Funny Papers. Your wife gels In bed nnd you pretend like its 2 A. M. and you are just getting home. She says where have you been. You say you been to a lodge meeting. She breaks off a bed post and hits you over the head with It. You say "Bam." Golf. Hide a couple of halls 1 Sunday Sun-day and look for them the next. 1(5) by Ihc Boll Syndicate, inc.) |