| Show Husband Refers to Himself All That Is Said With Dire J Results to Peace of Wife c By Dx BETTY BElTY BLAIR Recurring irritability seldom arises from pure cussedness as many think It may be caused from fear envy jealousy all of which come corne from an inferiority interiority complex or it may be due to ill illand and a a. lark lack k of nf r resistance to the disintegrating forces of life Dear Miss Blair I 1 am married to a man who is the most touchy person I 1 ever law aw I have to watch every single word I say or he will vill misconstrue its ita meaning into something I IDever never Dever even thought of at that h hi h. tries to make appear Is unc uncomplimentary to him Sometimes I will be laughing and talking relating some pleasing pleas pleas- ing lag Incident with no thought of him at all when he will wUl stop me With a remark like this I suppose suppose suppose sup sup- pose you mean that for me Then he will proceed to build up his hb case can by reminding me ma of other things I ma may have said but which I dont don't even remember that he claims also to have a 8 bearing on the case No matter I say ay that hat hatI I Z wasn't even thinking of him when I made the remarks he In Insists In- In usia I was and that it is just my way of ot always alway trying to insult him His attitude attitude- in this this' regard causes no end of quarrels and misunderstandings between us Sometimes it nearly drives me rae frantic I 1 have no reason to want to be uncomplimentary to him or orto orto orto to Insult him but I will vIII have Ithe If It he doesn't stop picking to pieces everything I sair s-ai- s say I r have tried to keep still and say nothing at all but I am not the kind of woman to go around sulkIng sulking sulk sulk- ing and before I 1 know It I am gaily telling of ot something or other that happened only to have all th the happiness taken out of ot me by his seeing himself in my re re- re marks Can anything be done to make him understand that I am not aiming at him nor have any de desire desire de- de sire ire to do so so when I talk Thank Thank- you u for any help you may give YOUNG WIFE f Usually those who are disposed to Irritability of the kind your husband shows hows are victims of their own Ingrown in ingrown ingrown In- In grown personalities They refer everything to themselves The world pivots around what they do and think and arc are If someone someone else Is praised they refer this praise to themselves and see themselves InThe Inthe in inthe the act usually as surpassing the theone theone theone one one who has actually achieved If someone makes an excellent speech or does something constructive that places him in the limelight the self- self centered person identifies himself with the one who receives the honors hon hon- ors era whether or not he has ever turned a tap in that direction Similarly and particularly Is this apt to happen in family relations the egoist egoist- egoist feeling that he is not honored honored honored hon hon- ored as much as he thinks he should be bo subconsciously l sly tries to place himself on the desired pedestal by showing howing wherein his family Is at fault in Its lu relation to him and lacking Jacking real evidence will manufacture manufacture manufacture manu manu- facture it from the most innocent remarks and activities One way of enabling your husband husband hus hus- b band nd to over overcome ome his ingrown ness is to encourage shIm to concern concern concern con con- cern himself more objectively with other people with sports books hobbies that take him among others who have a saner view vie of life Then try praising him for his own actual accomplishments A contributing cause of his irritability maybe his actual need o of appreciation and his fear that you do not love Jove him The grou grouch may be pe the defense he has built up in his effort to get th the attention at at- he feels he deserves And while this may show a lack of er emotional emo emotional emo- emo o- o development it is easier to accept than the other phase of his failure to grow up emotionally as shown hown by his constant irritability Sometimes physical disorders and the resultant disability to cope with the daily problems one feels forced to meet cause recurring irritability It Is always well to look to the health first ir t for tor the entire dispositional dispositional faults may be corrected with return of ot health SHOWS VS PREFERENCE Dear Miss Blair Blah I have a friend who has a habit Which I think is very disagree disagree- able When she Is alone with me she he he is very charming a a. good listener its lis tener as well as a sympathetic 4 conversationalist But the minute minute min mm- ute tile there is a third person with us she Bhe devotes all her attention to that one and forgets that I exist In a larger group she sho always manages manages manages man- man ages ages to single lingle out one person and t to ignore all the others I 1 think 1 abe he Is unaware of doing this but butI I Z wish there were something I 1 If f f. could do to let her know how difficult difficult dif- dif she makes It for a hostess J Any suggestions will be I NONA h I 1 know people like this too and have bavo found the same same- difficulty in trying to combine them with other people Im I'm sure if It they realized h how difficult they are and how hard they make things for Cor their friends they would make the attempt to be bemore more social ocial with the tha group to listen to others othera and to direct their conversation to others of the group as a. well as to the whole group at times Would it be possible to talk to your friend about a 11 mythical someone someone someone some some- one who does this very thing and so somines misses mines many charming opportunities ties for tor enlarging her circle of friends and for Cor experiencing the thrill of the reactions of ot other interesting inter inter- eating esting people No names names need be mentioned but your friend may take the lesson lenon to herself |
