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Show I A Line o9 Type or Two 'Lord, what fools thee mortals be. '! I I f- By B. L. T. The luvaJid. For weeks on end I keep a va y fro m i hynies, No .sparkling quip leaks aptlv from rnv quill; I pass up si g ns that cause a smile betimes, be-times, My columnar production stops at nil. n The efforts of the scribblers, blithe and gay, Awake in me no answering desire To add my word to what the others say Of this or that, twanged out upon the lyre. For such a happy lapse I read the Line, Unmoved by vain ambition's anxious urge, Rock -bo uu tl against temptation, strength is mine To watch my surging soul and let it surge. But then one day, the adamant breaks through, My calm resistance cracks its thin veneer, Tho old bine thirst besieges me anew. As thirsts tho caravan in deserts drear. And swept by strong emotions uncontrolled, uncon-trolled, I seek tho brilliant Line-light, hit or miss; No longer strong, but unabashed and bold, I hummer out an effort tsuuh as this. Your Line, dear sir, has cast its blighting curse Across my modest ego lies its spell. I live in hope that I may not grow worse, But I've lost hopo of ever getting well. : II. G. G. One of our readers was dozing in the lobby of a Boston hotel, when he was aroused by an altercation near the cigar stand. A was wagering B that the name of the heroine of "The Scarlet Letter'' was Hester Thorn, B maintaining it was Hester Prim. The manager of the hotel was about to call the police, forgetting that there were none, when the gum-chewing gum-chewing divinity behind the case awarded the decision to B, and the crowd reluctantly reluct-antly dispersed. Tweet! Tweet! (Prom the Cincinnati Enquirer.) Cupid usually counts . himself a strong ally of Dame Fashion, but in this case the Httlo god of the invincible aim has robbed society of one of its fairest rosebuds, rose-buds, for Miss La Boiteaux would have been a debutante this year except for her coming marriage in November. She has been brought up at her father's handsome place on Hamilton avenue, whero their hospitable house, upon its height, tree-girt and flower-Inclosed, commands a sw eep-ing eep-ing view of the Mill Creek valley, softened by the blue distance into a vast canyon of velvet mists. Here the gentle Influences Influ-ences of culture and a wholesome love of the out-of-doors have developed in Miss La Boiteaux a spontaneity and buoyancy that give her, in the present sophisticated life of the fashionable garden of girls, something of the loveliness and freshness of the rose, matured in the warmth of the lenderest care and the happiest surroundings. sur-roundings. "I am an optimist'," says Mr. Gary, "and I always speak optimistically even on pessimistic subjects." Zazzo? What are a few pessimistic subjects? A New Class of Leg Crossers. Sir: If 'tis true that "the old-fashioned woman who doesn't cross her limbs is sitting around ever; where with cotton stockings on," listen to the tale of a traveling salesman concerning thoso who do not wear the cotton ones any more. A customer In a Hawkeye town of approximately ap-proximately 3000 inhabitants placed an order with him for silk hosiery that could retail at $8.50 a pear. "Everybody around here wants the best now," said the merchant, mer-chant, "and I ought to he able to sell some of that fancy stuff in hosiery." The next trip the salesman inquired: "Well,-John, "Well,-John, how did the $8. SO hose sell?" and John said: "Gone! Why the first day they were In we sold six pairs. The two waitresses at the hotel were the first to buy them, the girl in the grocery bought a pair, and the girl at the jewelry store took a pair away. Daughters of farmers bought the rest. Now, have you got anything any-thing better?" The salesman replied that he had, as the working girls of America were crossing their limbs right now. A. B. C. There is plenty of sugar, we are assured, as-sured, but the distribution of it is to blame for the seeming- shortage. So far as you are concerned it comes to the same thing, does It not? you don't hear of any professional pro-fessional canner being short of sugar. The Way of It. Sir: When the Pullman porter takes a pair of f-hoes from under a berth he marks on the sole of one shoe with a piece of chalk the number of the berth. 1-Je is supposed to start in polishing shoes at 3 a, m., but when he has overslept he is likely to slight his work and rub them off hurriedly. I once apprehended a porter por-ter on the Chicago-Minneapolis run, who, wai thing; until tho eleventh hour, would quickly apply a coat of buggy or carriage car-riage top dressing. The passengers' dogs glistened as they left the train, and old Joe garnered the tips. But, alas, the brilliant polish faded away in a couple of hours, leaving the shoes all cracked. The train conductor always starts in to work the train from the front end so that he can systematically check up on all his passengers and meet them "face to face." If he started at the hind -end he would miss some. REFORMED CONDUCTOR. Tt is moved by Guillaume Le Jeune that the word "Laud" be canned; but to do so would be to deprive the headline artists art-ists of an indispensable word. An indispensable in-dispensable word, to the copy desk, is a word of four letters. "Laud" appears only in headlines. Goats, Indeed. "Jf fruits and vegetables seem out of reach out of the purse, roll up your sleeves and boil down some quart jars against the winter." Trib. editorial. "All the cans examined by Professor Heinzirl and Dr. Cheyney have been eaten by the scientific workers at the experimental experi-mental lunch club, and careful note of any effect has been made." Journal American Medical association. "Neither have met each other before." Detroit Journal. Is Mr. Lardner writing for the Journal? The Curious Kip. (From a citizen of Kure, Japan.') 1 Mr. Gus Lord. YVct Salem. Wis.. I". S. A. Dear Sir: Thi morning I have rr-ad one of the Tokyo papers called the 'Yo-roden 'Yo-roden Choho." in whk-h it tells me that you have a wonderful l'.'-egg laying Plym- ; i outh Hock hen for which Messrs. Pen- : ! son and Prindiey are witnessing, and am i now greatly interested in this miraculous. , account; if you were kind enough to give I me her recent photograph as well as her I cause in giving such a tremendous laying quality gratis I. shai-1 be very -much obliged to you. Yours very truly. F. MATSUTARO TOD A NT. j . More candid than most, a Mont real ' firm's catalogues contain the note in the R. V. corner, "Catalogue Xo com- j mercial value." Tho High Cost of Field Driving. (From tho Plymouth. Mass.. Memorial.') Owners of cows, horses and cattle, take : net ire that the pay of field drivers and : 1 fence viewers has gone up. with the lush cost of living, and boots and shoes; and, yes. the lawyers get $.".0 for nothing. So j lake warning and kfen your fenees up i a nd see that your eows don't .-t out. C. H. P.'iymond, J,. V. Smith, Field Drivers Driv-ers of Plymouth. l-nlne ha" le-.-n n si-as-i n;i t ed a''ain on Hie Paris buur.se. Tiiat plaeo is a n'lai'l .vhaiuMes.. ' |