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Show S BEHIND THE SCENES' iNfers POLITICS How Conventions Are Managed. I; copyright. 1008, by Joseph B. Bowles. Tho ordinary political convention is a collection of" wild animals, whose an-ticv an-ticv arc extremely amusing, but nbso-lutclv nbso-lutclv without, form find void. Nothing outsfde of a cago full of monkoys can nrfiBCot such an example of futile ac-tivitv. ac-tivitv. Each delegate in duly ticketed and loaded with his proper credentials and fondly imagines that he really iB of some importance in the Rathorinsr; that is, ho does if he is a green fiand," If lie is a seasoned campaigner 'he knows that he merely "represents "repre-sents the people," and the chairman and BecretRry of the convention "represent" "rep-resent" the '3olecat.es, and the "bosses" "boss-es" "represent" tho chairman and scc-f retary. Bv means of this sliding scale -of actual "power it will bo seen Bat ihe "bosses" represent the people I It was ray deep delight to have attended at-tended a number of political conventions. conven-tions. The "will of the people" stood about "deuce high" in the political deck. The will of tho "bosses" was nlways the "aco," and it could be and was turned from the bottom or top jost as tho emcrgoncies demanded. Imagine a long, low. rakish hall, the atmosphere a wavy blue with tobacco smoko. Aisles are cut through to the platform, generally three in number, to admit of comniittoos on this, that and the other to go forward to the platform and hand in their out-and dried communications. The different wards and districts are ranged about the hall, each with its particular spot to stay in, like checkers on a board before the game begins. Many of the delegates are in their shirtsleeves, and many are talking wildty, gesticulating gesticulat-ing powerfully and in other ways molding mold-ing the destinies of their country. The very few who are not smoking are chok-?)n chok-?)n the platform are two tables, at which the chairman of tho convention gits, ho having boon chosen by the powers that be. Ho is a mere puppet in their hands, understanding what ,they want, and at any and all times ready to carry out thoir wishes. The secretary is a mere echo: the assistant assist-ant secretaries mere assistant echoes. Two or three highly respectable stonghton-bottles of various titles eit on the stage to deceive Ihe unintelligent unintelli-gent observer into the belief that tilings are "on the square." A pitcher of water is 6n the chairman's desk, for he will open the convention with a speech. In that speech ho will glorl iy the proud history of his own party and skin, salt and nail to the political smoke houso the hide of the opposito party. This is a species of buncombe which is always indulged in. Sometimes a convention is opened with prayer. This is something which con not "be touched on at length, for the devil himself could not conceive a . more grotesque blnsphenn;. Most con-v con-v ventions are opened with political '. J. S "jimmies, " being burglarious aggrega-- J ions, brought together for purposes " It plundering men of thoir political . v .rights. Tho chairman has his speech .651,91 f oarefully learned by heart, and he is scholarly, terse, dense, flowery, and Olffji 'p long-winded. But he finally subsides, I'li an" then, after the committees' re-llrTIS re-llrTIS Sports and the platform aro finished, some moro political red tape is aifi f gotten through with, tho work of iih& 'i nominating candidates is begun. But cr9rc tH0 convention has reached the "41? po'nfc f being ready lo vote there ,pave been a number of battles fought j-i-fcto a finish before the various commit- "UWjjjcea on credentials. Tn certain wards of the cities, or certain districts in .the country, there ma' he a dispute about somo delegates, dele-gates, llieec claiming the right to represent rep-resent "the people," those putting in a counter clniin for recognition. In such cases, contests are begun and the respective claims threshed out before be-fore the committee on credentials, which has the power to review tljcso disputes in the various districts or wards. No one but the contestants and the committeo and the other delegates arc allowed in the committee rooms in these contests, it being n sort of family fam-ily affair, Tj'sually, tho contests are determined according to the way the 'bosses" want them to be decided, but if it doesn't matter about a vote or two, the "bosses" allow the. committee com-mittee to do as it pleases. Evidence is heard, speeches aro made and the committee picks tho winner. The "bosses" keep accurate "tab" on the number of votes they need, but. aro ready to achieve, results by any means " thov consider necessary. Ouo unseated delegate rushed madl' up to a "boss" on the floor of the con-I con-I vention and screeched out: "What d'ye mean by throw! n' me out? There ain't no contest on me at all." Tho "boss" looked smilingly down at the fiery face of his questioner, surmounted sur-mounted by its bright red covering of locks, and respondedurbanely: "I don't like the color of vour hair." And the delegate remained" "unseated." Men were let out of their delegations for any or no reasons. The only question was to have the majority, or at least the loudest loud-est and most pugnacidbs minority. This latter, with the able aid of tho chairman and the socrotary, will enable any combination to jam through the nomination of their candidate. Supposing for instance, that Smith is the candidate the "bosses" want, and Jones the opposition candidate. Tho Seventh ward, we will say, is called on and tho chairman of the delegation del-egation roars out "Fourteen votes for Jones and one for Smith." An assistant assist-ant secretary repeats to tho main secretary, sec-retary, "Fourteen votes for Smith and one tor Jones," and it is so recorded. Tho chairman from the Seventh ward may think the vote of his delegation has" been recorded properly. Sometimes, Some-times, when things appear to be running run-ning too elose, they will not even give the opposition candidate any votes until the "bosses' " candidate is safe. An3 motion for a roll-call is "gavoled down." hy the -chairman, and the ser-geants-al-arraB, always chosen by tho "boBSOs," aro eager" to eject .any obstreperous ob-streperous patriot who begins any jargon about his "rights." To "''gavel down" a motion is simply simp-ly to hammer on the table with tho gavel and proclaim that a motion has been "carried," or "defeated," just as you want it to go. In this way, no matter what tho majority is, tho "bosses" and the chairman and secretaries secre-taries can thwart the will of any convention, con-vention, unless the convention splits and a "bolt" is started. To "bolt" is to leave the hall, organize n separate convention, and proceed as though tho other convention was not in existence This is a lar, resort, and is Bcldom done. Delegates aro timid, and they rarely have any independent action. They may nine in private, but they "take the gaff" in public. Party I'ealtx', pnrtj cohesion, party this, that anu tnc oiuer wuiiih uii lih-wi him makes tllem cowards. For the most part the delegates hope to get some crumbs from the party table, and thev fear to revolt, knowing well they will be marked men with "tho organization." organiza-tion." Oh I potent phrase, "the organization." There is the "ward j organization," the "county organiza- ' tion," the "State organization," tho! "National organization." all inex- j tricably linked and welded together. ' and tfio National committeeman can Sut his finger on a garbage wagou ! river in a remote ward and separate 1 him from his job if. the driver doesn't , do exactly aE he is told. Tt's a beautiful beauti-ful system. Don't imagine it is not perfected so far as it can be. r- Occasionally some fossil of respocta-bilit". respocta-bilit". galvanized into spasmodic action ac-tion by something particularly brazen I on the part of the powers that run the J convention, will get up from the plat- : form, where he is supposed to be ac- j quiescent to the programme, and start the animals by a fiery diatribe against ' the barc-faccn robbery going on under his very nose. At sueh a time it is ! really delightful to see the perfect respect re-spect in which his remarks aro listened lis-tened to bv the chairman and the "bosses." "ilis remarks may be punctured punc-tured by cheers by the malcontents in the dolegates' seats, but tho "strong-arm" contingent governed by the "bosses" sits quietly until he fires his broadside. Then possibly a "boss" gets up, or the chairman gots in a happy remark or two, and there is a thunder-roll of applause from the "bosses' " gang. The respectable gentleman gen-tleman has simply talked for the pleasure of having bis cerebellum vibrate. vi-brate. Ho might as well have recited "Mary had a little limb." Our ward stood eight to seven in ono convention, and our chairman announced an-nounced it correctly. He was an opponent op-ponent of mine, but he did not try to change the vote. But when tho vote was announced from the stage it was fifteen for tho other aide. Several of us yelled "bloody murder" at the stoat, but, bless you, that convention wont, right ahead with its business as easily ns if tcveu mon standing upright up-right in their seats and howling "Mister Chairman; Mister Chairman," was a mere tableau and nothing that concerned the convention in the remotest re-motest degree. Bv the way, convontion oratory is divided into two kinds, the "turned loose" and the "squelched." Tho "bosses" and tho chairman have their eyes ou their own oraiors, and very littlo latitude is allowed the opposition "jaw-smiths." It is laughahlo to wjiloh the frantic, gyrations of some silver-tongued word-niggler especially if he be a young man, who is trying to "et the chairman's oye in order to let off a philippio against, the chairman's tvTnnuy. His companions may hoist him high on a chair, where ho balances bal-ances himself precariously whilo ho 6hrieks "Mocstair Chairman," and froths like something stricken with hydrophobic but the chairman goes p'lacidlv on. "Twenty-second ward, IS for Sniith" is the announcement, when in fact the announcement was just tho othor way. This raiscB a counter-irritant, and the Twenty-second ward dclc gation goes on the war-path. But, tush, what's the use? Tho game goes merrilv on, and at last the youthful orator" is lot down from his pinnacle and oxpends his enorgy in loud talk in his immediate vicinity, until some Inw-browcd gentk-mati advises him to "cut it out, at tlie same time casting a perfectly annihilating look in his direction. di-rection. The old stagers always enioy these interludes. Thoy smile grimly, get a fresh grip on their cigars and elevate the weeds reminiscently in a skyward angle. They keep watchful cognizance when their wards nre about to ho reached and, if chairmen,, rise instantly in-stantly at the word, shout clearly the vote and. whether it be recorded righi or wrong, they settle down stoically into the attitude of mere spectators. Far bo it from them to "holler" if the cards are "stacked" against them. They would do tho same if thej had the power. The other fellows have the whip-hand today; i when it shifts they will give their opponents the same" dose. But to cavort ca-vort around on the floor wailing out "Mecstair Chairmann," not for them. Thev arc too wise to resort to such puerile puer-ile foolishness. V u Nothing can exceed the perfect repose re-pose which marks the proceedings as relates to tho officers and head men who have it in charge. There is not a shadow of a smile on the countenances counte-nances of the chairman and his assistants, assist-ants, and the "bosses" move around on the floor of the convention or ascend as-cend to the platform with an entirely sorious and virtuous air which would indicate extreme self-sacrifice and the most absolute fairness to their opponents. op-ponents. But onco tho business is concluded, over the cigars and cocktails these f:onial gentlemen will unbend and re-ato re-ato delightcdlj- and with rare humor the amusing comedies played on the convention floor. They have remembered remem-bered the vcrj" voices and gestures of tho reformers and patriots, they can imitato, and porfoctly, the surprised scream of the plundered delegation, or the stentorian yawp of the hard-boiled orator. Thov enjoy these things with tho gusto of the connoisseur, tho political po-litical bon vivant. But at ,the hall, and in the midst of the carnage, they aro as suave as panthers and ns remorseless remorse-less as cannibals.. " Kverytbing goes in politics," is their motto, that is, everything but honcst3'. Coming back fronv my last political convention I met Jack Derbv in tho "smoker." Jack was from tho ward next to mine, and I had missed him just before the voting began. T had noticod a stranger in his scat when I came in rather late, but still in timo to vote. Jack w.ib mood3 and his head was done up in a gaud3 handkerchief. "What's up 7" I said to him. "I didn't see you when the votes wore being caet. ' ' "They thrun mo out," was his reply. re-ply. "I went over to sec a friend o' mine in the Fourteenth and when T got back to me seat they was a guy there in it. I grabbed him and he caught hold of me arms. The 'sarge' (ser-gcaut-at-arms) camo runnin un an' this guy gives him the wink an sa3's this feller's a piclt-pockct. Before I could hand him one the "sarge" grabs me he's seven feet long and four feet through and he wings me to tho door in four jumps and fires me by tho neck and pants. See? An' I lose me vote, an' I don't got in the hall again." "That's tough, Jack," was my consolatory con-solatory reply. "Tough, ' said Mr. Derby, with an injured air, "an' I was goin' to vote right all the time. T think that sergeant ser-geant must be bugs." I |