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Show fjUST A FEW I ANECDOTES j Too "Wise. MI SB HELEN GOULD recently entertained en-tertained at luncheon at her residence resi-dence a number of little glrlo from a charltablo Institution. At tho end of tho luncheon Miss Gould showed the children some of the beautiful contents of her house. She showed thorn books, carved Italian furniture, tapcBtrles and marbles. "Here." she said, "Is a beautiful statue, a statuo of Minerva." "Was sho married?" asked a little girl. "No, my child," said Mls3 Gould, smiling. smil-ing. "She was tho goddess of wisdom." TTlt Hule Barred None. Tho kilo Bishop Elder of Cincinnati tried vegotarlanlBm for somo months during dur-ing his residence In Natchez, but soon abandoned tho practice, finding that It did not agree with him. Bishop Elder dined with ono of his parlshlonors ono night In Natchez at about this time. Vegetables In profusion woro on the menu, but tho bishop disdained dis-dained thorn all. Ho had enough vegetables vege-tables for a long tlmo. Ho found the meat muoh more to his taste. His host, who did not know that he had abandoned vogotarlanlsm, said In 6urv prise; "Why. bishop. I thought you wera a vegetarian, and here I sco you eating mutton." Bishop Elder laughed. "I am not a bigoted vegetarian," he said. "I only eat the meat o 3uch animals as live on vcgctublo food. A Good Criticism. H H. Vrccland, tho street car magnate of New York, balked on tho day of tho subway's opening about tho untidy condition condi-tion of tho streets which the building of tho subway had entailed. "I fancy." ho said, "that our torn-up stroots formed tho chief Impression of Now York thnt strangers got. Thoy formed form-ed tho chlof Impression, at least, of a friend of mine, a farmer from Minnesota, who came to New York for the first time somo months ago, and stopped to see mo at my ofllce, for wa havo been friends from boyhood. " 'Well, John,' I said, 'have you seen tho city?' " 'I have.' said he. 'I havo seen it well.' " 'And what do you think of It?' said I. "Tho farmer looked out upon a trench In the highway half a mllo long, and I don't know hotr deep, and he answered heartily: " 'Why, I think it will be a fine town when It s finished.' " A Foolish Man. Gov. N. J. Bachcldcr of Now Hampshlro docs jiot bollovo In keeping venison. In tho English fashion, for a month or more, until It has turned greon. "I Uko a piece of venison as well as any man," ho said recently, "but I want tho meat to bo fresh and sweet. I can't understand un-derstand tho English method of 'hanging' game till It has becomo quite putrid. "My prlvato opinion Is that most people don't llko gamo that has boon 'hung' I bcllove that thoy only prolend to llko Jt. They are like a man who sat near mo In a Now York restaurant ono autumn day. "A dish of meat was set boforo thlB man, and I saw his tasto It, give a 'pawh' of disgust, and beckon to tho waiter. " 'Walter,' ho said, 'this steak Is positively posi-tively bad. It must bo thrco weeks' old.' "Tho waiter looked at the dish. " 'Bog pardon,' ho said. 'I havo made a mistake, sir. I havo brought you venison.' veni-son.' " 'Vcnlson7' said tho patron, with a gratified smile. 'Ah, yes. Then you may leavo It.' "Ho took another mouthful of tho meat. " 'To bo sure,' ho said. 'It Is venison, and very nlco, too; very nice, Indeed.' " Not Far Off. Charles D. Hlne, sccrotary of the Stato Board of Education of Connecticut, mado In Hartford recently a humorous address on tho topic of examination papers. Mr. Hine had collected a great mas3 of children s examination papers, and ho had culled from them a "number of amusing and quaint answers. "Now, here," said Mr. Hine, In tho course of his address, "horo Is an answer an-swer containing a good deal of unconscious uncon-scious truth an answer that scorns to mo to hit tho nail on tho head. "Tho question refers to a famous town. 'Whnt,' It runs, 1 this town noted an?' "The answer Is, 'It Is noted as a watering water-ing place.' " 'What is a watering place? Is the next question. "Answer, 'A place whero people go to drink.' " The Bold Unknown. Col. Albert A. Popo was talking about a man who, at an automobile race, had rejoiced greatly, thinking his own cor had won when, as a matter of fact, tho victor vic-tor had been nnother man's car, of similar simi-lar construction, which he had mistaken for his own. "Poor fellow," said Col. Pope, "ho felt, I fancy, like a young friend of mine, who took his pretty wife to tho theater tho other night. "After tho play was over, and my friend and his pretty brldo had gotten Into tholr carrlago and wero on tho way home, sho leaned toward him affectionately and said: 'Dear, you shouldn't havo squeezed my hand whllo wo were coming out of tho theater. When I squeezed back, I meant for you to stop.' " 'Me? Why.' stammered tho husband, 'I never touched your hand.' " Saving tho Day. Gen. A. R. Chnffco, at a dinner given In nn actor'e honor, narrated a theatrical remlnlscenco of his boyhood. "I was born," ho said, "In Ohio. In the town of Orwell, and never will I forgot my first melodrama, which I witnessed In tho Orwell Academy of Music. "This melodrama came very near going wrong. Tho villain, In tho sixth act, was to be shot by twenty soldiers, and tho muskots of tho soldiers, through somo ovorslght or other, wcro not loaded. Tho wholo rJccno would havo fallen Hat had not the resourceful and ready villain saved tho day. "You can Imagine tho Bcono: tho villain, smiling scornfully, facing without flinching flinch-ing tho twenty muskots, directed at his heart by twenty determined young soldiers, sol-diers, Tho captain stands on ono nldo; It Is his duty to glvo tho word to flro. " 'Ono, two, three,' ho counts. 'Aro you ready, mon? Then ' "Tho breathless assemblage, ao tho captain cap-tain gives tho word 'Flro.' hold their breath, expecting a doafonlng dotonatlon. But all thoy hear Is the fceblo 'click,' 'click' of tho falling hammers of tho unloaded un-loaded guns. They look about, ready to laugh, ready to hoot, ready to boo. "But tho villain saves tho day. Flrat, with a blood-curdling howl, ho attracts, tho audience's attention to him. Then he stnggers, falls heavily, and throws his arms and legs about, llko ono In tho agony of death. " 'I dlo,' ho crlCtf. 'I dlo, perforated by a thousand bullets; but I tako this opportunity oppor-tunity of cursing with my last breath tho niggardly Government that supplies Its army with air rlllcs.' " The Diplomatic Restaurateur. Gen. Nunez, tho Governor of Havana, wus talking In Philadelphia about diplomacy. diplo-macy. "No one," ho said, "possesses the excellent excel-lent qunllty of diplomacy to a higher degree de-gree and no ono Is moro frequently called on to cxerclBO this quality, than tho huc-cessful huc-cessful restaurateur, "I know a restaurateur In Havana whoso diplomacy Is consummate. "Ono day. In his palatial cafe, a guest said to a waiter: " 'Walter, open tho window.' "The waiter obeyed. "Another guest, frowning angrily, summoned sum-moned the waiter. " 'Do you want mo to catch my doath?' ho said, 'Closo that window at once.' "Tho waiter closed tho window, and lm- mediately the first guest bellowed at him: " 'Why did you clcao that window? Didn't 1 Just tell you to open lt7 "In this difficulty the waiter sought out his dlplomatlo employer. Ho stated tho case, and asked how. In such a contingency, contin-gency, he should conduct himself. "'How long havo tho 'two men been In here?' tho employer asked. " 'One, sir,' ropllcd tho waiter, 'has Ju3t ontercd. Tho other has finished his dln-nor.' dln-nor.' " 'Your courso is caay then,' said the diplomatic chief. 'Accommodate tho gentleman gen-tleman who has not yet dined.' " Too Accommodating. Reau E Folk. Stato Treasurer of Tennessee, Ten-nessee, went to Sunbrlght recently to deliver de-liver an address beforo an organization of Sunbrlght business men. Mr. Folk spoko on tho lmportanco of affability and politeness. "Nothing succeeds," ho said, "llko accommodation. ac-commodation. Bo affable to your patrons. Bo cheery. Be pollto. If you haven't got what the peoplo want, put them In a good humor, anyway. Maybe, then, they will accept a substitute. Maybo thoy will buy something out of good fellowship. "In your dcslro to accommodate, though, nover lie. Never deceive. Never do na did a dry goods clork last month In tho town of Tazowoll. "A llttlo Girl of Tazowell went Into tho shop whore this clerk worked (ha Is no longer working there) nnd asked for three yard3 of mouso-colored ribbon. "Tho clerk had not In stock tho shado In question. Nevertheless ho cut off and handed the little girl thrco yards of a dcop red hue " 'Hero you arc,' ho said. 'CrUBhcd mouse color. Sixty-eight conts, please.' " Hair-Splitting. Senator Bovcrldgo was answorlng an argument. "Tho gentleman has boon splitting hairs," ho said "Ho has boon trying to provo that two llko things aro different Ho resembles the young laxly who do-fended do-fended her sox'a retlconcc- " 'A woman can't keep a secrot, somo ono ald to this young lady. " 'Sho can. too.' tho young lady answered. an-swered. 'It Isn't tho woman who gives away tho sdcret. It Is tho people she tells It to who let It out' " Good Behavior. J. D. Benedict, tho superintendent of tho Indian Torritory schools, nodded towards a sturdy and gravo young Indian girl. "Sho la a mold." he said, "In tho house of a friend of mine, and tho other day sho was left In chargo of tho children whllo hor mistress wont fur a long drlvo. "Tho mistress, on her return, said to the maid: " 'How did the children behavo during my absence. Carollno? Well. I hope?' " 'Beautifully, madam,' Carollno answered. an-swered. 'And at tho end they fought terribly together. " 'Why did they fight? tho mother asked. " 'To decide. said Caroline, 'which was bchavlnc tho best.' " A Reflection on tho Past. William Plnkcrton, tho dotectlve. was praising tho various cash-reglstorlng devices de-vices that havo como of lato years Into worldwide uso "Theso machines," he said, "havo undoubtedly un-doubtedly diminished crime. They have saved many weak porsons from a dally, nn hourly temptation hard to withstand. They havo also saved employers a great deal of money, for they havo driven tho dishonest out of a field of work whoro-ln whoro-ln thoy loved to labor in tho past. "i heard of a clork In a grocory the other day who wiui getting elht dollars a week. Ho had to be on duty at seven In the morning, and he was not through till oovon, and sometimes eight, at night, Tho poor fellow had no time for anything but work and slecn. "Ho found tlmo, though, to get married, and tho woek after the ceremony no asked his cmployor for a raise. " 'Why, Horace,' tho employer said, 'you aro gottlng eight dollars a week. What alls you? When 1 was your ago. I kept a wlfo and two children on eight dollars a week, and saved monoy besides.' " 'They didn't have cosh registers In those days,' said Horaco bitterly. " The Old School Gentleman. Sir Charles Wyndham, at a dinner In Now York, talkod about gentlomcn of tho old school. "Tho old Bchool gentleman, tho flvo or sbc bottlo man, no longer exists," ho Bald, "nnd perhaps It Is as well. Somo physicians physi-cians declare that, as the generations pass and tho raco refines itself, alchohol as a drink will entirely dlsnppear, and even tea and coffee will bo beverages too powerful pow-erful for our dollcato nerves. "I don't know," said Sir Charles, "that I would desire to belong to a raco too weak to drink tea and coffee; but at least I am glad that tho old school gentle-mun gentle-mun tho Squlro Guzzlo of Guzzlcton hall Is no more. "I presume you have all heard stories, of Squire Guzzlo's wild career? "One story, a typical one, tolls how his oervanfu found him one morning asleep In his coach. " 'Whero wcro you ast night, sir?' they said reproachfully " 'I don't know,' tho squlro answered. 'It was either a marrlago or a funeral. At any rate, It was a great success.' " Floored. William Lcary of Now York "tho ordinal ordi-nal Roosevelt man," was apologizing for tho Hlowncss that somo booms requlro to mature. "A boom," ho said, "Is not llko a pan of dough. A boom Is a long and tedious plcco of work. "Tho man who complains about a boom's slow growth Is as unjust and unreasonable un-reasonable as tho man who complained about tho length of tlmo It took his wlfo to put up hor hair. " 'Hang It nil he said, 'why do womon require such a tremendous long whllo to do tholr hair In? H only takes mo ten seconds to do mine.' " 'That, John,' his wlfo retorted, 'Is one second per hair. If I worked at that rat you'd soon know what waiting means, dear.' " Circumstantial Evidonce. Senator Depew. at a lawyer's dlnnor, talked about circumstantial evidence. "CIrcumstnntlnl evidence may bo conclusive con-clusive enough," ho said. "There Is, for Instance, tho old case of tho frog that hopped out of tho pall of milk, thus affording af-fording conclusive circumstantial evldcnco of tho mllk'3 watorlng, and tho other day I heard of a now case of posltlvo proof that circumstantial evldenco had afforded. "A young and pretty girl had been out walking. "On her return her mother said: " "Whero havo you been, my dear?' " 'Only walking in tho park,' sho replied. re-plied. " 'Who with?' pursued her mothor. " 'No one, mamma said tho young glrL " 'No ono7' her mother repeated. " 'No one,' was tho reply. " 'Then,' said the older lady, 'explain how It Is that you havo como homo with a walklng-stlck Instead of on umbrella,' " |