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Show Follow the proper regimen for successful bowl blobbing I Bowl game blobbing, in style. bringing out the grease from your pores, of making you look like you just got out of bed. A day's growth of stubble on your face (excuse the chauvinism, ladies) helps you get into the flavor of the games. Sustenance: Most blobbing is fueled by a mixture of two fundamental diet segments Stroh's Beer, and Fritos and onion dip. There is room here to improvise on your own with various brands, or by substituting potato chips for corn chips. The above-mentioned, however, contribute con-tribute to the ultimate blobbing experience. About the Stroh's. It can't be Utah 3.2 backwash; a trip to Evanston is in order. Sometime between when this story hits the streets and New Year's Day, make the beer run. Items such as chocolate-covered chocolate-covered raisins and watermelon, when in season, are good additions to the blobbing diet. So is Captain Crunch right from the box (don't forget to see what the prize is). Conditioning is a touchy subject for blobbers, since disciplines disci-plines vary so violently between individuals. Some prefer to sleep right up until the kickoff of the Cotton Bowl to avoid outside distractions, doing nothing to condition themselves for the 10 or so hours on the couch. Others follow different regimens. I prefer to work up to bowl day with smaller doses of blobbing. That early training blob work doesn't even have to be on football. Championship wrestling works well, as do old Star Treks, John Wayne movie festivals, or even Mister Rogers. "Can you say COUCH POTATO? I knew that you could." What's important here is that you get your lower back and neck in shape. That lower back has to by Randy II an skat Lord Chesterfield once said, "No idleness, no laziness, no procrastination ; never put off till tomorrow what you can do today." It's obvious they didn't have football to watch back in his time. Yes, football is the great unmotivator; televised football, that is. Football can take a possibly productive day and turn it into a wasteland of x's and o's, of down and outs and stop and goes, of split ends and defensive ends, of touchdowns and safeties. So it's good that most of you don't have anything you're . expected to do New Year's Day because there is a lot of football to be seen. So, being the dutiful sports writer I am, I thought it could be helpful to give you a few tips on how to make the most of doing the least while watching all of the New Year's Day bowl games. First, let's start with the essentials for a full day of bowl game blobbing. Paramount is a large comfortable couch, preferably prefer-ably a couple of years old and slightly soiled. The couch must be in close proximity to the television, so as not to strain the eyes or create undue difficulty when switching back and forth between different games. The optimum distance to the T.V. should be no greater than three and a half feet. Attire: sweat pants or a bathrobe. Either is suitable; the choice could be dictated by the company you'll be keeping while watching the game. Taboos: anything tight fitting, or well fitting. Such items will bind unpleasantly when you reach for the chips 'n dip. Cleanliness: Usually a shower before a full day of bowl game blobbing is a waste of time. Blobbing has a certain way of become spongy, ready to take hours on end without much support. That neck has to be conditioned to bend forward so that a 45 degree angle can be maintained during game time. Whatever you do, don't work. Work of any kind is the absolute worst way to prepare for a day of bowl blobbing. The final area of concern is tactics. If you live alone then this area has no meaning for you, unless you plan on inviting friends over to watch the games. This area is also of little concern to those of you who have a couple of couches in the same room as your T.V. But the rest of us have to think and plan. In large families the best bet is to stake out the couch sometime early on in the Rose Bowl Parade. That way you'll be assured of the space come game time. Others of you who have already lost the couch to a wife or a friend or a dog can reclaim the territory by causing some kind of distraction. Kitchen fires, or fires involving your neighbor's house, are good. When the couch hogs move off to see what's happening, happen-ing, make your move and take control, and don't relinquish it until the finale of the Orange Bowl. Be ruthless! So, there you are: the elements necessary for a good day of couch blobbing during the New Year's Day bowl games. Jane Fonda tells you how to work out, Jim Fixx tells you how to run (and die), Oral Roberts tells you how to HEAL! I've just told you how to blob, and how to do it right. I'll end this bit of self-help dogma with a bit of Teddy Roosevelt. Teddy once said, "In life, as in a football game, the principle to follow is: Hit the line hard." To that I add, "Hit the couch hard!" |