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Show ri 1 i i 1 4 " 1 y"""" v i IP I 111 "" 111 h 1 it i Ilf v . " 1 ' ' - IV TTeim D9O0Ik by David Fleisher Fleisher's forecast for the coming year I've received a number of inquiries from people asking me to predict what will happen it 1 1985. At first I was reluctant to com ply because, after all, millions of people will make decisions based on my predictions. However, after dliscovering that my roommate, Mike Phillips, was a psiychic for the Summit County Home for the Weird, I decided to enlist his aid in making the following predictions. 1 1terefore, I should not be held solely responsible for its c ontents. Park City government offices, i hich not too long ago moved to the Marsac Building, will move once again, this time to the Main Street Marketplaa ; 'Mail. Consequently, mall developer Randy Fields will Ik? declared Mayor of Park City. Police Chief Frank Bell will mf &s all roads leading into Park City one way, thus causing lPark City to become the third largest city in Utah. -The true identity of KPCW's Dan Wilcox will be revealed, when it's learned that he'is really Tom Selllck, hiding out in Park City to avoid being i nauled by his fans. I Jody's, a private club which duinged its name to The Black Pearl, which wa- formeiK grocery store I called Day's Market and is now a clothing store by i another name, will become a half Vwiy house for drug addicts and alcoholics. ; -Deer Valley will change its lmaj by offering free I overnight accommodations to deadbeats, while at the same time Stein's Lodge will opetii !a soup line for unemployed ski bums. f 1 Local resident Jere Calmes will o en a brewery and start producing a beer called "Jere B e er." -Park City historian Bea Kummer will be placed on the National Register of Historic PlaoBU. The old Park Record building on Main Street will become a McDonald's, then later a Burger Chef, then later a Pizza Hut, then later a Kentucky Fried Chicken. Finally, the building will be demolish xl, and a bowling alley will be built. -City Manager Arlene Loble will be tome fed up with local government, move to Washington i, D.C, and run for vice president in 1 988 on the Ferrari Loble ticket . . . and win. ' Snow Creek, a proposed 350-room hotel convention facility, will be built. However, in order to comply with ihe height restriction as set fortthi in the Land Management Code, it will be a on-storv building covering 950 acres. And in order to satisfy resident demands, the entire 950-acre roof of the building will be an ice skating rink. KPCW General Manager Blair Feulner, after building a radio station from nothing and with nothing, and now a television station, will launch a satellite from his back yard in Park Meadows that will broadcast KPCW to the entire world. Income from underwriters will exceed six billion dollars, and Feulner will wear three-piece suits around town. Police Chief Frank Bell will discover that the Norwegian School of Nature Life has been holding nude encounter sessions in the basement of the Memorial Building as part of its curriculum, and the school's founder, Tom Cammermeyer, will be deported to Norway. A sequel to the musical comedy about Park City, "THIS is the Place," will be written in which Mormon missionary Parley Lamar makes a dramatic change in life after he discovers that his girlfriend, Jennifer, was a mud wrestler in Wisconsin. Parley leaves Park City and moves to Nevada, where he opens a pleasure ranch called, "THIS is the Place." Main Street restaurant, Horse of a Different Color, will change its name . . . and its color. Park Record staff writer Rick Brough will bump into actress Loni Anderson while she's in Park City on a ski vacation. They fall hopelessly in love, get married, and move to Los Angeles, at which time Rick will go to work for the Los Angeles Times as an x-rated movie reviewer. A 450-page book, weighing ten pounds, will soon hit book stands all over the country. The book will contain a brief description of Utah's liquor laws. Although it will be written entirely in Greek, most readers will find it JSt as informative as if it had been written in English. Park City government, faced with an Increasing demand for public parking, will convert all of the old abandoned mines under Park City into the largest underground parking lot in the world. At last, a cure for insomnia will be discovered. The treatment consists of attending one Summit County Commission meeting, which is guaranteed to put anyone to sleep. Shouia tnat not work, a more radical approacn is to have the patient attend one meeting of the Snyderville Basin Sewer Improvement District As I walk up Main Street for the last time in 1984, wishing all of you a Happy New Year, I hear the Ten O'clock Whistle. I |