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Show John har ring ton Working at my desk in our building on Main Street, I often find it hard to gather a train of thought with the sound of gunshots and screams coming from the beer bars up and down the street. And stepping over the bodies on the sidewalk has also become a distasteful pastime. We really should pack up the kit and kaboodle and move to Park Meadows. The thought of the city's finest having to put their lives on the line everytime the Alamo opens its front door has shot my nerves. Why, listening to the mayor has given us all, I hope, food for thought. I mean the crime, the degradation in those bars and clubs. Listen, I know what I would do. I'd stay out of Old Town if I could afford it. Look at it this way. The sound of sloppy knife fights is much harder to bear than the relative quiet of a burglar at work in Prospector or some other outer area. Burglars are silent, and since they rarely get captured, they present little problem for the police. But give me a drinker, especially a beer drinker, and I'll show you trouble. It's just like Robert Preston once said in the film, "The Music Man"- "I'll say you got trouble, trouble right here in (Park) City. It starts with B and it's got a couple of Es and it rhymes with sneer." (Forgive me, Bob.) Yes, it's beer. That horrid fluid that foams white and glows golden. Its evidence of hardship is everywhere. Take our once-productive construction industry. It's at a virtual standstill. Some may think the economy has something to do with it. Wrong. All the workers are drunk on beer. You can hear them in the eves of incomplete buildings at all hours, burping loudly as you creep by on the sidewalks of this fair city. Yes, it's dusgusting. What, you may ask, can we do in a town that the mayor summed up in a recent meeting as a place with a problem, because "people drink too much?" I'm glad you asked. Since "citizens" are in an obvious position to present the mayor with ideas on how to curb the drunken lawlessness that has siezed our streets, here are a few more. First, serve draught beer in two ounce shot glasses and. charge $2 a crack. That would have immediate impact. And, taking the mayor's idea that he passed on "from a citizen" a step further, close all bars at 4 p.m. That would prevent drunken tourists from keeping people near Main Street up past 6 p.m., a reasonable time to turn in at a resort town. Roadblocks for papers are another idea. Each beer drinker has a special stamp placed on hisher identification papers. At the edge of town, the police stop all cars and ask, "Your papers, please." . , As soon as a beer drinker is spotted, a surcharge is levied. Make it an even $10. We could call it a "town cover charge." The tenner gets you in and, following that, you are entitled to scare the hell out of anyone you encounter. Of course, that will be tough to do on the two ounce beers, but you never know. I have been told by experts that most beer drinkers become maniacs with even a WHIFF of the stuff. . Barring that, we could always adverstise the town on a nostalgia basis. "Come to Park City and re-live an era-Prohibition. |
