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Show His Own Fault. There had been an accident on the worst railroad in the United States. You know the name of the road a3 well as I do, so what's the use of risking risk-ing a libel suit by mentioning It? The sole survivor of the wreck was sitting up in his hospital cot swathed in bandages. "I suppose you're going to sue the company for damages?" said the friend at the bedside. "No," said the damaged one, "I shall do nothing of the kind." "Why not? You've certainly got a clear case against them." "Clear case, nothing! Any intelligent intelli-gent jury in the world would bring in a verdict of contributory negligence. negli-gence. I ought to have known better bet-ter than to travel on the blamed line." Philadelphia Public Ledger. Starting Trouble. "Why is it that the attendants in telephone offices are ' all women?" Mrs. Brown made this inquiry of her husband. "Well," answered Mr. Brown, "the managers of the telephone offices are aware that no class of attendants work so faithfully as those who are in love with their labor; and they know that women would be fond, of the work in telephone offices." "What is the work in a telephone office?" Mrs. Brown further inquired. in-quired. ... : "Talking," answered Mr. Brown. And that 'conversation came to an end and a different kind of conversation conversa-tion began. His Idea. "What are your ideas of the best form of government?" "Oh," replied the restless agitator, "it isn't a question of what kind of government we're after. It's merely getting rid of the one at present in. operation." Washington Star. An Epidemic. "You criticse us," said the Chinese visitor, "yet I see all your women have their feet bandaged." "That is an epidemic," it was explained ex-plained to him gently, "which broke out in 1914. Those are called spats." Pittsburgh Post. A Serious Occasion. "I can't find any old clothes to put on the scarecrow," said Farmer Coru-tossel. Coru-tossel. "You might use some of the fancy duds our boy Josh brought home." sugges,t3d his wife. "I'm trying to scare the crows; I'm not tryin' to make 'em laugh." Washington Star. The Other Way. A compositor once set up the word "doughnut" so that it read "donut." "Don't you know how to spell better bet-ter than that?" asked the foreman. "Well," said the compositor, thoughtfully, "do you know. It didn't look just right to me. I had a 'w' in there once and took it out." Held His Own. Stranger Seventeen years ago 1 landed here in your town broke. 1 struck you for a dollar. You gave it to me, saying you never turned down a request like that. Citizen (eagerly) Yes? Stranger Well, are you still fanici Judge. Undoubtedly. "Why do they always apeak of a lumper crop of wheat?" "Possibly because 1he man who un-iertakes un-iertakes to speculate on the Ikisis ( advance reports is likely to get. jumped." Lucky Author. "Well, how did your novel come .lit?" "Not so badly. I mado pretty fair erms with a junk man to take the niire edition!" Louisville Courier-lournal. |
