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Show i f Jt N ' I Book 3 Chapter XX. Of the confession of our own infirmity, infirm-ity, and of the miseries of this life. I will confess against myself my iniquity; in-iquity; I will confess to Tee, O Lord, my infirmity. It is oftentimes a small thing that casteth down and troubleth me. I purpose to behave myself valiantly; but when a small temptation cometh, I am brought into great straits. ' It is sometimes a very trifling thing whence a grievous temptation proceeded. proceed-ed. And when I think myself somewhat safe, when I least apprehend it, I find myself sometimes almost overcome by a light blast. Behold, then, O Lord, my objection and frailty, every way known to Thee. Have pity on me, and draw me out of the mire, that I stick not fast therein, that I may not ba utterly cast down forever. This it is which often drives me back and confounds me in Thy sight, that I am so subject to fall, and so powerless to resist my passions ,and although I do not altogether consent, yet their assaults as-saults are troublesome and grievous to me; and I am weary of thus always living in conflict. . Since my infirmity is made known to me; because abominable imaginations much more easily rush in upon me than they forsake me. Oh, that Thou, most mighty God of Israel, zealous Lover of faithful souls, wouldst regard the labor and sorrow of Thy servant, and stand by him in all his undertakings! Strengthen me with heavenly fortitude, forti-tude, lest the old man, the miserable flesh not fully subdued to the spirit, prevail and get the upper hand; against which we must battle so long as we breathe in this most wretched life. Alas, what kind of life is this, where afflictions and miseries are never wanting, want-ing, where all things are ful lof snares and enemies! For when one tribulation or temptation tempta-tion is gone, another approacheth; yea, and whilst the first conflict still lasteth, many others come on, and those unexpected. unex-pected. And how is it possible that the life of man can be loved which has so many troubles and so much bitterness. How even can it be called life, which generateth so many deaths and plagues? And yet it is loved, and many seeek their delight in it. I The world is censured at deceitful and vain; and yet it is with reluctance abandoned, because the concupiscence of the flesh too much prevails. But some things draw us to love the world; others to despise it. The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and pride of life, draw us to love of the world; but the pains and miseries miser-ies which justly follow those things breed a hatred and loathing of the world. But, alas, evil delights prevail over a mind that is given to the world, and under thorns she imagineth there are delights; because she hath neither seen nor tasted the sweetness oi God, nor the internal pleasure of virtue. But such as perfectly despise the world, and study to live to God under holy discipline, they are not unconscious uncon-scious of that divine sweetness promised prom-ised to those who forsake all; and they clearly see both how grievously the world is mis'taken, and in how many ways it is deceived. |