| Show 41 philosophical observations er ns by BYRON WILLIAMS despite D spite the law os of an eye for or an ee eye and a tooth tor for a tooth there Is murder about us dally daily who sh eddeth mans beirod by man shall his blo bloda be led seems not to be sud clent fent warning to thosa those who take human life lire the papers play up column after column of grew tie truth some news that feeds a morbid curiosity the pro of th the old prie tors edy the people demand it and as purveyors mosa law L c cf of a stock of news they must be there with the goods the lest test papers however are cutting out the sensational feature features the lurid p coures the b curdling details there Is an old saw raw to the effect that murder will out dryden in the tb cock and the rox sas says murder may rase rass i Ln punished toa foa time bi t tardy justice will 0 the crime yet men do murder and in most cases are found out and punished why do they murder it 1 common belief that blood though it may sleep awhile never dips dies and the gods avenge all murders in duo due time knowing this the elack of the pistol the gleam of the stiletto the working of the drug continue to blat out human existence george henry lewes says murder like talent seems occasionally to run tn in families we do not subscribe to this ceory further than te tle scope of family degeneracy the fact Is the majority t f murders are committed in the heat of passion or at the point of despera derpera ion money getting is responsible tor for much blood shedding in the terrible io tei tex of busine e s men clash their tempers give way they murder too to late they realize their ded deed immorality is a great feeder tor for murders one who has the primrose path of dalliance trod in way ways of vice ie to suddenly con with disgrace dier race for himself and greater still disgrace for hie his family he ile plunges lower ioner and tal fal s te to the dregs be he has murdered it was hamlet who wh divided murders as most foul and most foul strange and unnatural the murderer derer v ho sips s aps up behind yo i in the night and killa you in cold bloo blood cleter vs s no II 11 a offense is murder most foul strange and annat ural the man who murders in the heat of passion commits foul murder but occasionally we are to be spared from criticism it if we drop a tear at of empathy metaphorically speaking upon his grave one of the chicago papers is offering a prize of for the funniest demette ro this appen appended ced didactic effort exola na ns why we don t enter the contest no bu ou the dr drol leFt rhyme I 1 ever wrote funny nes ne nc s ft as eaten by my neighbor s goat for U rillus fervent hope was duly i to make a nanny cat oat we well 11 versed liae lle the humorist of oliver wendell holmes who dared not write a as funny as I 1 can we nye too are handicapped the vulgar plebeian goat havone dev davied aed air best and most effort to be unknown however Is not so go awful as the fate that befell a young man of our creation as follows there was a young man from mistook for a kitten a skunk he hung up his clothes 1 clapped a pin on fis is nose and telephoned home for some puni T while we think of it the man in the moon almost got a bad fall yesterday esterday t ne nep ly happened like this A walked on a wire so high the tip of her headgear it tickled the sk sky yf cut put praise be ye gods she balanced at noon ro avoid titillating the man in the moon yet we quake when we ponder what ill might have been had lad her headgear but tickled the old duffer a chin chirse there are others but as the goat ahra put us to the lad I 1 ad we aint expect to win any money and without incentive cannot be expected to oe ie very ludicrous A certain manufacturing firm of the state Is making a collection of edi edl shears to date their word mord tor for it the treasurer has locked carefully in the sate safe decrepit scissors enough to edit a chi nese opera pe in n one night kt provided there were editor editors an artist with the enough to work the steel weapons shears the shears along with the time honored paste pot have long been recognized as able editors many i 1 dyspeptic newspaper has been rejuvenated and rehabilitated by the mere i lipping of a pair of old rusty shears guided by the brain of a man who knew J stuff when he saw it I 1 ft 4 thus it will be seen that shears as well as the sword and the pep pen baaki been prominent in the civilization and progress of this wonderful country of f ours many editors with strong able bodied hands have missed their calling by trying to write when they should hould have been cutting out ot of the best literature of the day it is something of an art too this deft lation of the long bladder scissors in the editorial sanctum sanctorum to see the real artist at work with his shears Is synonymous of attending something equally as good at the titillation theater around the corner he ile Is as ambi dextrous in his movements with his weapon of intellect as the light fingered gentry in removing your our pocketbook there Is also a slight connection ex capt that the scissor man cuts right and left while the hold up man chooses his victims with some degree of timidity long use of the editorial shears HI liable the editor to claim a column article with one tell fell swoop of the blades wg egl nning inning on the northeast torner corner capering around the limit hag flag and coming iown the southwest stretch with the brevity of wit occasionally a cutter to ic quires ability extraordinary cutting in circles and dedoes that fairly over whelm the onlooker there is something of a knack in spreading paste with neatness and dispatch but to be leader of the orette brigade an editor must cling fast to the medieval proverb that practice makes perfect an editor who has nothing else to do discusses why women are 11 single ingle instead of saving saying at the bouet that most of them haven t been cd ed he wan ders off into the pasture of meditation and invention evolving more excuses for the fair sex than she ran can why women bome are A p ise all axt summer what s the ae se of making S agle the path pg of single blessedness easy by ex excusing cusin them when the world is full of shirts with frayed button doles poles socks with holes in them and baby cradles stored away in ma warehouses Os big as all outdoors 7 tell em to their faces they never had the chance sass em ern baci back when they say they hesitated to make a choice and lost the whole kit and caboodle quit flirting with the women momen make em come to time and be serious confront them with cute pictures of cozy corners and 1 latch atch quilts baby vignettes and brie bric a brae brac lead em ern along in front of the jewelry store where the rhinestones glitter and there with the scintillations lr it their eyes and the din of oblivion in their ears pop the question to em ern and don t t take no for an answer bury your temper and be sweet to femininity show the gentler sex the flower bordered path of early matrimony and the panorama of contentment and love at the end of it don t let her say no when she means yes but stick tight to her ill e a burdock burr to a young filly fillya s mane and tall business busine s things are coming to a pretty pass when we must find excuses for women who don t marry it Is a bad precedent some of us narried fellows may want second wives wines yet As a result of woman s independency in her modernized state man has been forced to become inventive thrown upon the rock ribbed shore as it were he Is showing the best that is in him in the struggle of the attest not being sufficiently per borran encourages to combat woman s rights he has given up invent on teasing and invented a fire lighter that can be in manipulated by pressing a button in the bedpost bed post having thus started roaring fires in the furnace the cook stove and the hen house h is enabled by reason of his wonderful noad mond erful inventive ing guity to turn over in bed snuggle up to his taciturn mate and take his ls beauty sleep this ideal chapter in married life Is not so dal df A cult to attain when the real facts are I 1 the night before the spouse carefully lays the fire kindling at laches his machine to which Is added a bit of phosphorous connects the and prepares for bed before lying down however he winds the alarm clock and sets it of t the desired hour for awakening in the morning when the clock strikes he rolls over presses the button and goes to sleep he ile could faten fasten the alarm clock to the button thereby saving saying himself the trouble of even touching off the machinery but he might not wake make up at all in that case until the breal breakfast faA cooked on the automatic plan bad had grov gron n cold and stale this is indeed a wonderful world and not the least remarkable thing in it is what we can sh by a mere twist of the wrist inconsistency ricy Is a bad bed fellow fellon he ile pulls the covais from off his feet to keep his no e from chilling inconis steacy carnot afford to buy bu a nice inconis stancy new arap P fm 1 Ms Hs patient wife but one day he gets into the sa oon and bencs 17 1750 50 with the bo bos s 17 a bad a V orth of v alrh nc ne ther vier he nor they v m anted he ile was bed red fellow belag being a e fellow A good fellow is a lobster a vacillating nonentity this is too busy a world to waste tine time in being when you see a young man trying to be a good fellow set urn lim down f for or a un universal iveral favorite A man who has no enemies is all things to all men ae 0 f 1 1 |
