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Show Page Srrentj-Si- x mi 160X0 A W.i usmys. ei&H&w feei smart-- omi sens mmp MP i cm awe vp him. i FsrfJ I OUR WW MOUTH The Daily Utah Chronicle Openings AMP I 1978 RSS-PUH- B- . AUt7 I'M Hi - A 111 arthur hoppe What's good THE BANK THAT GOES TO "A in The most important thing in your life right now, is probably not your bank. And that's as You Vx SCHOOL WITH YOU should be. aren't here to worry about your bank. But your bank should be here to worry U , ft PSA:i it aoout you. First Security feeling. Confidence, security, If trust. you're from any one of over 100 Intermountain cities, you may have grown up with that feeling. And you have every right to expect it here. Even if First Security was not your bank at home, we want to be your bank here. Come You probably won't believe this, but a British author named Wendy Leigh has written an entire book on the subject, What Makes a Woman Good in Bed. e Leigh says she bases her findings on interviews" with more than "a hundred of the world's top celebrities," who presumably know as much about the matter as anyone else. And you have to give Leigh credit; that's more effort than goes into engraving the Lord's Prayer on the head of a pin. But it's definitely a limited topic. Actually, I devote only the briefest chapters to the subject in my new book, What Makes a Woman Good. In that chapter, I base my findings on a interview with Grandmother Culpepper. "You slept around a lot in your day, Grandmother," I said for openers, "your late husband, Bert, having been a traveling salesman who took you with him on his trips. Tell me, were you good in bed?" "You bet your buttonhooks I was, Buster," said Grandmother Culpepper modestly. "Not once in 51 years dtd I snore, turn over, pull the covers my way, eat, drink, smoke, read, complain about the temperature, hear strange sounds or smell something funny once the lights were out. These young flibbertygibbets today could learn a lot from my generation.." You bet they could! I think that takes care of that. Of far more interest to most couples, I believe, is my chapter on What Makes a Woman Good in Bathroom. I include all the usual tips, such as please, put the shower curtain on the inside of the tub and don't leave the cake of soap on the wet floor. But the heart of the matter is what advertisers politely call "bathroom tissues." Here's where a good woman is hard to find. e In interviews with more than a hundred of the world's top husbands, I've found that women, upon using the last tissue on a roll, tend to go airily on their way without a thought to those who might come after. This is not only selfish; it's cheating. After a few shouting matches, they may condescend to leave a fresh roll (still in its package) on the floor beneath the holder. If you do manage to cow them into submission and they do replace the roll where it belongs, they invariably install it upside-dow- n with the tissue coming out the bottom. You then have to take the entire mechanism apart and undergo a roll reversal, which is always a trauma. Eventually, after years of training, you may someday find a fresh roll in place If you do, you will also find that the wooden spindle which serves as die axis of the roll has not been secured in the holder. Thus, when you tug on the first tissue, the whole contraption flies off the wall and across the room. It is my contention that bathroom tissues are the leading cause for divorce in America today. And if not divorce, then murder. I follow up this worthwhile advice with a chapter on What Makes a Woman Good in Kitchen. Here we find that the ideal woman lets herself be swept away by her passion not only for gourmet cooking, but for washing, drying, sweeping and mopping. She should also always ask the man to unscrew the lid on the pickle jar only, however, after she's secretly loosened it first. Other fascinating chapters deal with What Makes a Woman Good in Garden (a love of honest toil), Breakfast Nook (silence), Living Room (a spirited proclivity for professional football). It's a great book, but every publisher I've talked to wants me to deal exclusively with beds. What is this preoccupation our society has with beds? I don't care how good a woman is in bed. I say that if she eats raviolis with her fingers (see my chapter, What Makes a Woman Good in Dining Room), I say she's no damned good. "face-to-fac- face-to-fa- And we are. That's the bed in. face-to-fac- AS Member FDIC U right-side-u- HOURS: Lobby Drive-i- 9 30 a m 8.3"! a m C:r""; - am., Monday thru Friday i p.m., Monday thru Friday Trolley. Fash. on Mi- - e a i ;5 Cottonwood-Holladaarc lobby anil d! ive-i(pen 9:30 a.m. - 2:00 p.m., Saturday ADDRESSFS: 405 South f,;,;n .Fran South Office) 79 South K'.Hin u "h Office) ZCMI Ex' on. 20;. enter. Suite 160 4711 Hiclar.d Hrive f cttonwood-HolladaOffice) 36 East 8th South (Eighth South Office) 6135 South State (Fashion Place Mall) 1395 Foothill Drive (Foothill Village Office) 3355 Highland Drive (Highland Drive Office) 1710 South Redwood Road (Industrial Center Office) 1773 West North Temple (North Temple Office) 3655 South State Street (South State Street Office) 1065 East 2100 South (Sugarhouse Office) Sugarhouse Dnve-in- , 2020 South 11th East 445 Trolley Square (Trolley Square Office) 1955 South Mam (20th South Office) 3601 South 2700 West (Valley Fair Mall) 9491 South 7th East. Sandy 7869 Redwood Road, West Jordan 4740 South 9th East, Murray p! (Copyright Chronicle Publishing Co. 1978) |
