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Show Page The Daily Utah Chronicle Openings r Seventy-Fou- COLOR PRINT COUPON SPECIALS Q n 2 SEES AG 77 Reg. $8.95 00 mounted cAardvatk&SonO 4cj PHOTOGRAPHIC LAftOBATOfliCS Jtfcr W tAa MHukuMl sln HU! Offer expires Nov. 15, 1978 SI mar 7 CI fl n U n l US U Standard Crop Color Print from 35 mm or 120 Negative S6.00 mounted cAardvark&Son PHOTOGRAPHIC LABORATORIES Offer expires Nov. r. On 11(0) 15, 1978 9 Standard Crop Color Print from 35 mm or 120 Negative Reg. CH $3.50 $4.00 mounted cAardvark&Son. PHOTOGRAPHIC LABORATORIES &U Mill it,I Offer expires Nov. e.j. ness Beauty and the heathen beast So there I was. 35 mm or 120 Negative 15, 1978 1978 Slouched over my kitchen table hypnotized by a newspaper ad telling of the chance for anyone to visit the Osmond entertainment center in Orem and then to stay for the taping of a Donny and Marie Show or The Donna Fargo Show or the funeral of Jomo Kenyatta, the Father of Kenya. Only one word besides those in the ad was lit on the TV screen of my conscience, suspended there amidst a dazzling checkerboard of red, white and blue lights, a name written in flashing gold globes, as if it were spread across the facade of a Las Vegas hotel. And looming up like a giant ghost in the night sky behind the name was the face, gazing so benevolently upon me, a smile of pure light, a radiant glow so potent it blinded me with its first spectacular appearance. I said out loud. "Marie, if only you could come into this slobovian life for just one da. If only you would notice me one second, maybe say 'hello.' you could even say 'Hello, you big ugly behemoth, ' if you want. Anything." But, I thought wistfully to myself, it is never to be. I am a heathen, a monster, a man of no means. I have nothing to offer besides the butt end of a soggy Camel filter I found in the gutter on West Temple. Shivering with despair, I closed the newspaper and rested my forehead on it, sobbing dry tears. Then, like a phone call from Publishers Clearing House, a miracle knocked at my front door. It was such a gentel tapping, almost soothing rather than alerting. Nonetheless, I thought "The fuzz" or "The loan company!" or Jack Benny back from the Dead! or Jerry Lewis wanting signatures for his Nobel Peace Prize petition! In panic, I crawled to the door and inched my eyeballs to the bottom of the window, expecting a company of SS men armed with registration holds. Instead I floated off the ground, rose to the ceiling and hovered there in a cloud of vaporized Perpecan while two glittering but unadorned big brown eyes watched me through the window, squinting with startled but amused curiosity. "Excuse me," she yelled. "Could I possibly use your phone? My car's broken down out here." She couldn't speak without laughing. Pushing off from the ceiling with my feet, I managed to reach the knob, turn it, pull open the door and let the river of Heaven flow into my hallway. "I'm sorry to bother you," she said, still looking up at me hovering above her, but slowly becoming accustomed to the situation. I felt like all the atoms in my body had just lost all cohesion and were going wild flesh, blood and bone turned to gas. "The phone is this way," I saidas if I was under water and a mile away. I pulled myself towards the kitchen, vainly trying to get traction on the floor. "Gee, I'm sorry to bother you. But I'm not much with cars and it just killed out in front of your house. A brand new Continental, too." "Well, what about your chauffeur?" I said like a tape run at speed. Looking up at me as if she just realized that I knew who she was, she laughed and smiled and looked at the beer and coffee and dog food stains on the carpet. "Yeah well, I like to go out by myself sometimes. I guess maybe I'm learning a lesson. It's a good thing you were here." My head nodded without my permission and my jaw fell open, bouncing around at the end of its joint. When we arrived at the phone, which hung on the wall just inside the kitchen door, she glanced quickly around at the huge pile of dishes rising out of the sink and teetering dangerously, the four bean with bacon pans on the stove, the egg, mustard, mayonnaise and ketchup decorations on the walls and the chessboard spread of beer cans on the table, she casually picked up the receiver. Osmonds, it seemed. A familiar number indeed. Her feigned look of desperation and the sudden realization of the significance of the phone number hit me at the same time. This time I slammed against the ceiling after shooting up at full speed. "Know anything about cars?" she whispered, acting as if my being suspended from the ceiling was nothing Wayne or Merrill or Jimmy wouldn't do. "Cars." Neatly encased in a plain, but very elegant black dress, she leaned against the wet sink and waited, patiently watching me while I decided if I knew anything about cars. "What kind did you say?" "A Continental." "That's a Toyota isn't it?" She laughed so natural and easy and shook her head. Apparently she thought I was joking. "Well sure, let's just have a looksy at this machine of yours." 1 was in trouble now, I figured. What I know about cars would fit in the brain of a gnat. What I know about Continentals wouldn't make the mind of a slime mold. But I floated outside anyway, popped open the hood and stared seriously inside while the delirious scent of Joy perfume and the delicate Osmond body fragrance washed over me in rhythm with the tickling of her breath on my neck. "See anything?" I could see metal, chrome and rubber scrambled together in a pulsing mess, but nothing I could identify as a Continental engine. "Oh yeah. I think I got 'er. I'll have this baby purring in nothing flat." c Hello. I'm the Eternal Now. Here with an important message for all University of Utah students: You probably think everything is changing, right? It isn't. I ought to know. So what dc ya sav? Let's RELAX! one-thir- d Sn7 9 Standard Crop Color Print from 35 mm or 120 Negative Reg. $2.00 LI $3.00 mounted soup-encruste- cAardvark&Son PHOTOGRAPHIC LABORATORIES SA4.T lAKE OI uTAhWHI Offer Expires Dec. IS 15, 1978 8 T k tt C 1X A 2 Standard Crop Color Print from 35 mm or 120 Negative rn a iOI II LJ 9 Keeping myself down by holding the refrigerator door handle, I watched her dial. Probably calling Donny. Apparently no answer. He must be out getting those sex lessons from the older woman that had told me about. Another try. I watched the numbers she dialed, hoping to memorize them. Sounded like a familiar number. No one was home at the BCHRONO-- E Regularly Aval, Jeff Howrey When ordered wttti one Sx 7prli Mm negative at regular S2.00 p Editor-in-chi- cAardvark&Son Kiifc PHOTOGRAPHIC LABORATORIES &AtJuM.CiT. um Mm BAUvy Offer expires Nov. d 15, 1978 All prints are borderless, standard crop from color negatives only. t Blaine Millet Business Manager Associate Editor Belhann Butcher Assistant News Editor Mark Amoll News Editor Liz Gardner John Murray E.J. Nm Editorial Editor Shelley Weyforth Martha Wickelhaus Senior Reporters Jim Smedley Managing Editor Julie Ann Heath Johnson Anne Knighton Assistant Copy Editors Barbara Rattle Entertainment Ediior Intemegatlve required (extra charge) for prints from slides. cAardvark PHOTOGRAPHIC Scarlett Hep worth Ron Mitchell Peter Keating Layout Editor Typists Jim Gaaaidy Sports Editor Photography Editor Stephanie Schorow Back shop Foreman Linda Brown Barkshop Assistant Lynn Sugarman LABORATORIES Downtown Holladay 6183 Highland Dr. 433 East Broadway 534-110- 1 We use Kodak paper For a good look. 278-211- c VfSA i 2 ft I he opinions expressed on ihe editorial page of the Daily ( lah l.hitmu Ir do not necessarily represent the news of the studenibody ot the I'mversitv administration Published daily during fall, winter and spring f)uattrrs (except during test week and quarter breaks) by Public atlons Council ol the I'mversity of llah Published three times weekly during summer quarter Subsc nplions $20 per year. J per aiaclrmic quarter All subscriptions must be prepaid Two weeks notice lot change of address Forward all subscription correspondence to Subscription Manager. niv I (ah Chronult. I'mon Building. I'mversity of I'lah. Salt l.ake Cm. I'tah H41I2 letters of 200 words 01 less will to the editor must be typed and double-space" Ihe be given (hnmulr has priority Address letters lo "letters to the Editor for libel, priority and edit We the to reserve use for available right your typewriters space Still nothing but the intense heat of brown eyes, the power and a blurry jungle of automotive colors flowing together, in the midst of which suddenly appeared two crimson lips, parted and waiting. And two rows of bright white teeth, perfect except for one that dangled loose. I pushed it back in. I kissed the warm lips, a simple, friendly kiss of distant waves of heaving flesh love. "Try 'er now," I said slamming the hood confidently closed. She raised her eyebrows in disbelief, but disappeared inside the car anvwav. The engine noDDed on into cool Continental action as i f nothing had ever been wrong. "I didn't think you could do it," she giggled, jumping back out. "It's nothing. I do it all the time. You know stars are always breaking down out here. They come to me for help. I give it to them. Simple as that. Glad to do it." "Well what can I repay you with?" My mind grappled for courage. Say sex, you idiot, I screamed silently. "Some tickets to the show maybe?" she injected into my fit of fury. "No I like it on TV. Maybe . . . "What?" "No you wouldn't wanna" "Come on. What?" "Well. You wouldn't wanna say 'hello' to me on TV, would ya?" no" "Sure." "You can say 'Hello, you big ugly behemoth,' if you want." She laughed and slid back in the car. "All right. I ll do that." She pulled away. "No, you won't." "Yes, I will." She was gone. Lifting my sweaty forehead off the newspaper, I ran my tired and bony fingers through my hair, stood up and stretched, tossed the newspaper in the garbage, threw my dishes onto the pile in the sink. The TV was on in the living room when I stumbled in and tell onto the couch. The Donny and Marie Show was 62 hours away. I popped open a beer and settled down to wait. |
