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Show -4 - i A Line o' Tvpc or Two I j 'Lord, what fools these mortals v - ' ' BY B. T. T. The Purist's Primer. "Preventative' 1 can't forgive. S. Et M " TTween- you and I " Just makes nie cry. L. D. W. "Get to go" Ain't comme il faut. v . - ; . A. B." P. , . Don't ever use The verb "enthuse. " v ... il. S. "Dark complected" Makes me dejected. BEOWULF. A bill-poster asked a Rock Island undertaker un-dertaker ijf he might put. the Salvation Army slogan In his window, and received permission. A little later the mortician noticed that a grinning crixd had collected, col-lected, so he stepped out to have a look at his window. There he read: HODGSON. UNDERTAKER. "A man may ' be down, . but he's never out."-'.' .., Add "Moments Musical." ' (From the Sumner, la.. Gazette.) The Sunday morning service at the M. E. church was enhanced in interest and enjoyment bv the rendition of a beautiful beauti-ful sacred solo, "Hold Thou My Hand. Dear Lord." by Mrs. Lillian Moment. The high notes were attained with songbird song-bird clearness and sweetness; and her lovely finale and her graceful pose during dur-ing the piano accompaniment postlude were features that gave character to the whole performance. Simple When You Know How. Sir: Sometimes an apparently abstruse ab-struse problem becomes simple if looked at from the right angle. How many men are "twice too many?" . Assume that sufficiency equals 100. .Then 130 would be 50 loo many, or too many by half 1. e.. hajf of 100. Twice too many-would many-would be too manv by twice I. e.. twice 100. or 1'00. which, added to sufficiency, or 100. makes 300. Therefore, when One has "twice too many" men he has three times as many as -he needs. And speaking of psychic coincidences, here Is a mysterious experience of mine. Busily engaged In reading some final proofs, I came upon the name O. B. Fuller. Immediately I became conscious of a feeling of emptiness, and. coiisuh -ing my watch, saw thai it was exactly my regular lunch time. I lost no time in acting on the hunch. CALCITROSUS. suggestion to . writers, compositors, and proofreaders: Tho name pf the author au-thor of "Lays of Ancient Rome" was "Macaulay." not "Macaurey."" Your Chestnut Crop Seems to Have Been More Fortunate. Sir: Anent S. W, N.'s suggestion that successful confribs donate something to the editor. Weeks ago we considered sending vou our first crop of English walnuts, but we found at worm In It. SIB. Spealdug of Chestnuts (From the Franklin, Pa . News-Herald ) Chestnuts wanted Will give a secondhand second-hand organ and two dollars cash for one hushel (50 pounds i of good chestnuts. -Bring me the chestnuts and take the 12 and the organ. I have ten organs to trade for chestnuts. I have good old-style old-style square platno. repaired and tuned, will give you for eight bushels of chestnut. chest-nut. Chestnuts From the Pastor's Barrel. Ifrntii the Oneida. S. D.. Watchman. 1 The editor was lucky enough to be on hand Tuesday when Rev. Cook got Ms mall and to participate In enjoying a few of the chebtnuts which his folks In Ohio sent him. They are very seldom teen here, but tasted very good Indeed. "On this matter the earlier news from Paris ha. evidently beer, tendentious. " London Nation. We've never used the' wort "tendentious." "tenden-tious." It seems to us a bit pretentious. Communion. . . Sweetheart. I never shall forget. Tlia.t far. first time our glance? met. When, as I looked Into your eyps. Love came and took me by surprise. Then hen your hand first clat-ped my hand. I MtinM at Isst to understand Ttpw deep, how vast, true love could be. Because- your love had come to nie. And even now. warm rupture springs Wlthtn my heart, and live and sings. As I recall the heavenly hllss When our Hps met In our first kiss. yet T knew not love's greatest power Until, in sorrow's shadowed hour. I folt. with peace too blest to speak. Tour tears meet mln upon my cheek. IRIS. "Ml BuMridfi-e sustained a loss In the breaking of her guitar, the atmosphere having loosened the Joints. It flew apart early In the evening." Panama City. Fla.. Pilot This oould never have happened In California. The Candid Candidate. (l'om the Monterey. Ya . Ueeorder.) To the Yoters of Highland rountv: Friends: It would be my pleasure decidedly de-cidedly so to serve yon a Clerk of tho Circuit Court of your county for another term. I can do that right well -nothing else I know of that I can do; so If you will elect nie again T will put my best foot fcremot and will be Very niui-h oblige. w. 1 1. M.vrmiNr. "Rev. Stephens Will Speak This Eve-nine. Eve-nine. Sheet Steel Being Nailed to Sides." Monmouth Atlas. Wouldn't a net be simpler? Aii Adventure In Fretuled Finance. Sir: Sign In Edgetvater Peach hotel: "Ciiculat Ing Library. :t cents a day. No charge leas than 4 cents." W. S. "C. L. Stretch, the optimist and optician, op-tician, will be at the Mover nlusle More, every Thursday." Berrien County Record. He sails rofte-oolored glasses. The O. T. W. Sir: The Order of the Turning Worm gave Its first aqulrm In Massachusetts, and It was some shimmy. TOM SAT. "This bungalow Is Ideal for a married couple." Berkeley Gazette. .As for Instance? Blow, Bugler. Blow! . Blr: A bugler to the Academy 1 wish to nominate Mr. Sol Toot of Iowa l'alla. C. r,en Remark is suing rved Rtmark for- divorce. In Anaconda. Any tuilher remarks? Thll Way to tho bldeahow' (From the Peorlu .loiirnnl 1 A daughter was born at '.' o'clock (his morning 10 Mr. and Mrs. Karl Fvrtt, ;:;' Millmaii rtreoi. The baby vutnh:i Kit pounds, Slog.n for the e!, In the event that. etc.. "The 11. 1 ii. ort Long lift the lid:" |
