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Show llEEfllQ UlHEjfflTjjj WM ftltf : By Geo. V. Hobart j 1 llHN HENRY ON GET-II GET-II TJNG THE GRIP. ft AY ! did you ever put on ;M . the goggles and go joy K. riding with an attack of fhas all ther forms of K's'ement hushed to a lullaby Kte it from Uncle Hank. K a Bad Boy the grip has By other disease slapped to jfcbing standstill. 'K's dollars to pretzels that the ;K germ is the brainiest bug L 'it was ever chased by a doc-Sit doc-Sit was sitting quietly at home flttding Maeterlinck on Auction Egc when suddenly I began WKneeze like a Russian regi-EjHt regi-EjHt answering roll call. EHriend ve was deep in the IReries of Ibsen's latest Bfcvement, "The Rise . and Kof the Hobble Skirt," .but Bpolitely acknowledged my B. sneeze with the customary pu she trailed along brave-Eth brave-Eth her responses for ten or Hen minutes, but it was no Hf-I had more sneezes in my Hem than there are "Gesund-K" "Gesund-K" in the entire German na-including na-including principalities, Kessions across the sea, and Kjlusical Union. Hwohn," she ventured after a HE, "you. are getting a cold." E'm not getting it," I sniffed, W Kave it now." m a mea11' contemptible I, je creature a grip germ must ' ? Absolutely without any of finer instincts, it sneaks into 1 iple's systems disguised as an I linary cold. It isn't on t the I ;ei like appendicitis or inflam-B inflam-B itlory rheumatism, both v of A iich are brave and fearless H EL will walk, .light up to you H 3" -kick you on the shins, big H you, are. V Nobody ever knows just what K Jce-un the grip germs will put Hf to break into the human sys-Bnt sys-Bnt but once they get a foot-Hfdin foot-Hfdin the epiglottis nothing JnVemove them except inward Ifciications of dynamite. the grip germ hates the idea face suicide. I discovered shortly after I eSS &neezecl' myself into a con-,cjon con-,cjon of pale blue profanity that Iy married couple of grip had taken a notion to nest somewhere on the ts of my solar plexus, 'o hours later they had 233 children attending the school of my medusa ob-i; ob-i; and every time -school let out for recess I would n the air and hit the ceil-th ceil-th my Lima, re daylight came all these children had graduated chool and after tearing lie school house the whole had married and ' had amilies of their own, and ds were out' paddling anoes on my alimentary ) o'clock that morning lust have been eighty-five grip germs armed with ding revolvers all trying )t their initials over the f my interior" department, as fierce! n Doctor Leiser arrived scene I was carrying t concealed weapons to omething in. Mexico, good old pill pusher his saws behind the sofa, 8 dip net on the .mantel- tBj.ancl took a fall out of my JeS" he said, after he had oJBHhat rny tongue looked currycomb, iir sarae to you' Doc'" 1 jjSjR'1? lle said looking hard SjB Doc" I whispered; SI?M'S no use to cut off my pse the -germs will hide fjW you feel shooting pains $:iCerel,ellum near the apex to saoCSmopolita11 ?" inQuired' JSt8 tMng y0U kn0W" 1 lc ft,Ve you a buzzing in the -. JBpnd a cnfused sound like) distant laughter in the pana-tella?" pana-tella?" he asked. It's a cinch, Doc," J said. "Do you feel a roaring m the cornucopia with a tickling sensation sen-sation in the diaphragm?" he asked. Right again," I whispered. "Do the joints feel sore and pinched like a poolroom?" he said. 'Right!" "Does your tongue feel rare and high priced like a porterhouse porter-house steak at a summer resort?" re-sort?" ' "Exactly." "Do you feel a spasmodic fluttering in the concertina?" "Yes!" "Have you a sort of nervous hesitation in your hunger and does everything you eat taste like an impossible sandwich .made by a ghostly baker from, disappearing bread and phantom phan-tom ham?" ."Keno!" . . "Does your nerve center tin-; .kle-tinkle like a breakfast bell in a kitchenless hoarding house?" "Right again!" . "Have you a feeling that the germs have attacked your Adam's Ad-am's apple and that there won't be any core?" "Yes!" "When j'ou look at the wall paper does your brain do "a sort of loop-the-loop and cause you to meld 100 aces or double pinochle?" pin-ochle?" "Yes, and 80 kings too!" "Do you feel .a slight palpitation palpita-tion of the membrane of the Colorado madura and is there a confused murmur of your brain like the sound of a hardworking gas meter?" "You've got me sized good and plenty, Doc!" "Do you have insomnia, nightmare, loss of appetite, chills, and fever and concealed respiration in the Carolina perfects per-fects ?" "That's the idea', Doc." "When you lie on .yam .right side do you have an impulse to turn 6ver on your left side, and when you turn over on your left side do you feel an impulse to jump out of ,bed and throw stones at a policeman?" "There isn't anything you can Vhen you look at thewall pa do a sort of loop-the-loop?" mention, Doc, that T haven't got " ""Ah!" said the doctor; "then that settles it." "Tell -me the truth," I groaned "what is it bubonic plague?" "You have something worse you have the grip," Doc Leiser Lei-ser whispered gently. "You see I tried hard to mention some symptom which you didn't have but voii have them all, and the crip" is the only disease in the world which makes a specialty of living every symptom known to medical jurisprudence." Then the doctor got busy with the pencil gag and left me enough prescriptions to keep the druggist in pocket money throughout the winter. Then my friends and relatives rela-tives began to drop in and annoy an-noy me withsuggestions. "Pop" Barclay sat by my bedside, bed-side, and after 1 had barked for him two or three times he decided de-cided I had inflammation of the lungs and was insistent that I tie a rubber band around my chest and rub myself with gasoline. gaso-line. I told Pop I had no desire to become a human automobile, so ! he got mad and went home. But befrc he got mad he drank six bottles of beer and before he went home he invited himself back to dinner. Then Hep Hardy dropped in and ten minutes later he had me' making signs for an undertaker. under-taker. Hep comes to the bedside of the afflicted in the same restful manner that a buzzsaw associates associ-ates with log of pine. He insjsted upon taking my pulse and listening to my heartbeats, heart-beats, but when he attempted to turn my eyelids back to see, if T had a touch of the glanders every germ, in my body rose in rebellion, .and- together we chased Hep out of the room. The next calamity was Teddy Pearson, who had an apartment on the floor above us. Teddy had spent the previous night at a tango party and ever since daylight day-light he had been beating home to windward. His cargo had shifted and the seaway- was rough. Still clad in the black and white scenery with the silk bean cover somewhat mussed, he groped across the darkened room and solemnly shook hands with me. Then he sat in a chair by the bedside and began to sing soft lullabies to a hold-over. Presently he reached out his arm and made all the gestures that go with the act of hitting a bell to summon a waiter. Receiving no answer to his thirsty appeal, he arose and said: "This is a heluva club rottenest service in this club s'limit, that's what it is, s'lim-it!" s'lim-it!" Then he hiccoughed his weary way out,f the room and I, haven't seen him since. An hour later Uncle Louis MifTendale had looked me over and concluded I had galloping asthma, compressed tonsilitis, chill-blainous croup and incipient incip-ient measles. He insisted that I take three grains of quinine, two grains of asperin, rub the back of my neck with benzine, soak my ankles in kerosene, then a little phenacetin, and a hot whisky toddy every half hour before meals. If I found it hard to take the toddy he volunteered to run in every half hour and help me. Then his wife, Aunt Jessica, blew in with a deduction she called catnip tea. She brought it all the way from the Bronx Every friend and relative I have in the world rushed in. in a thermos bottle, so I had to drink it or lose a perfectly respectable re-spectable old aunt. It tasted like a linoleum cocktail cock-tail weouw ! During the rest of the clay every friend and relative I have in the world rushed in, suggested suggest-ed a sure 'cure and then rushed out again. Peaches tried them all on me and I felt like the inside of a medicine chest. To make matters worse, I drank some dogberry cordial and it chased the catnip tea all over my concourse. Then Peaches, being a stu- dent of naturai history, insisted that 1 take some hoarhound, J suppose' to bile the 'dc&berrj but it didn't. Blood will tell, so the hoar-hound hoar-hound joined forces with the dogberry and chased the catnip up my family tree. Suffering antiseptics! Every-body Every-body wjth a different remedy, jH from snake poison to soothing syrup butit cured the grip. Now all 1 have lo do is to cure the medicine.' (Copyright. f013, by the McCIurc News-paper News-paper Syndicate. All dramatic and M stago rights reserved by George V. Ho |