Show MIlt DOOLEY ON Tut > a CtBlNfSE SiTUATION c 1 r Woll sir said Mr TIcnnessy Uto think Iv th audacity Iv thlm Chin men It do bate all It do that said Mr Dooley un bates th vurruld An whats Jt corn in to You an me looks at a Chiny man as though ho wasnt good fr annythlng but washln shirts an not iv th very good at that TIs wan spoorts Iv 1 th youth Iv our fffreat cities to rowl on Imply beer leaS down th steps jva J ChI nee laundhry an If eer a Chinyman come out to resist It theyd tako him be th pigtail an doth do-th joynt swing with him But th I different laad I Chinyman at homes a Her with his rinds an theyre manny iv thlm an hes rowlln th beer kags lilmsilf an AVesthren civilization Is down In th laundhry wondherin whin th police come along Th Lord rrglvo me fr sayin it Hinnlssy but if I was a Chinyman which I will light army man Tr sayin1 an was llvhf at home Id tuck me shirt Into me pants an put me braid up In a net an go out an take a fallout fall-out Iv th invadcr if It cost me me life Here am I Hop Lung Dooley rrunnln a little liquor store an prhaps raisin a family In th town Iv Koochoo I I 1 dont like foreigners there anny more thin I do here Along comes a bald headed man with chin whiskers from Uaraboo Wisconsin an says he Be jilhl < d an haythen Doyley says he iVye have no God > he says I have 9 saY J tf have a lot iv thlm says I Ye arre an oncullLvated an auf crcathure he says I have come six E thousan miles fr to Kist ye from th mire iv ignorance and Irrellglon In which ye live to I th lofty plane of Baraboo he says An he sets down on an aisy 1 I chair an his wife an her friends come Jn an they IntHrojooce Mrs Dooley to ah modhern Improvements Iv lh corset I cor-set an th hat with Hi blue burrd onto It an put shame into her because she hasnt let her feet grow while th t head inlssionry reads me a pome oull iv th Northwestern Christyan Advocate Neil says I look here me good fellow fel-low I says Me an me people have occypled these here prlmlscs fr manny I I years I says an here we mean to stay says I Were doln th best we I can In lh matther IM gods I says l We have thins cast at a firstrate foundhry i i I says an we sandpaper thlm ivry week says I As fr knowin things r I says my people wrote pomes with H a markln brush whin th likes iv 1 ye 1 was rrunnln ar = round wearln a short j pelisse fv sheepskins an batln each other to death with stone hammers r says I An Im fr firln him out but bean a quite man I lave him stay Th nex day In comes a man with a suit Iv clothes that looks like a tablecloth table-cloth In a sectionhouse and says he Pbor ignorant haythen he says 1 what manner Iv food dyo ate he says Rice I says an rats I says 9 Ms me favrilc dish I says Deluded wretch says he I rlprlslnt Armour an I Compny an Im here to make yor change yeor dlte he says Ilince 1 forth yell ate the canned roast beef Iv I merry ol stockyards or Ill have a file iv 1 sojers In to fill ye full iv ondygls tlble lead he says An afther him comes th man with Aunt Mirandas Pancakes an Flaked Bran an Yell i porishlfycdonteatabiscuit another an-other riprislntatlvcs iv Westhern civiliZation civil-ization an Im to be shot li1 dont take thlm all Thin a Zaad comes down with a chain an a small glass on three sticks an a gang Iv section men that answers to th name iv Casey an proceeds fr to putdown a railroad Whats this fr says I We arre th advance guard iv Westhren Civilization ho says an were goln to give ye a railroad rail-road so ye can go swiftly to places that ye dont want to see he says ° A I counthry that lias no railroads is beneath be-neath contlmpt he says Casey he says stretch lh chain acrost yon graveyard he says I aim Tr to putj I I I th thrack just befure that large tombstone I I tomb-stone marked Riqulescat In Pace 1 1 I James H Chungalung he says But says I ye will l disturb pahs bones says I lf i ye go lo layln tics hays Yell be jnixin up me ol man with th Cassidys in th nex lot that I says he nlver spoketo save In anger in his life I says Mere an ancestor wor Hhlpert Jgathn says th laad an ho goes on to tamQ th mounds in th cim itry an ballast th thraok with th remains I re-mains Iv I th deceased An afther hes I got through ai fig comes a Frrlnch I man anan Engllshmanan a RoO lan I l-an an a Dutchman au says wan Liv thlm This 1sa comfortablelookln saloon says he Ill take th bar yes ye-s take th Mcebox an th rrest iv 1 th r fixtures What tr says I Ive paid th rent an th1 license says I Niver mln says he Were th rlprislntatives I iv i Westhern Civilisation ho says an tis th business iv 1 Westhern Civlllzi ton to cut up th belongngs Iv Eastern East-ern Civilization he says Be off he says or Ill pull ycer hair he says Well says I this thing has gone far enough I says Ive heerd me good ol1 castiron gods or josses abused I I says an Ive been packed full iv canned goods an th Peking Lightnin express Is rrunnln straight through th lot where the bones iv 1 me ances tiers lies I says Ive shtud it all I says but whin ye come here to bounce I me off iv 1 me own prlmlscs I says Ill have to take th leg iv 1 th chair to ye I raYDfn were to th lure t I hats th way it stands In Chiny Ilimiissy an it 1 Jocks to me as though i S Westhern Civilization was in fr a bump I mind wanst whin a dhrunk I r prizefighter come up th rroad an I I wlnt to sleep on Slavlns steps Some Iv th good sthrong laads come along an they were near beln at blows over who shud have his watch an who shud take his hat While they were dcbatln he woke up an begin cutlin loose with hands an feet an whin he got through ho made a collection iv 1 tai things they I I dhroppcd In esc pin an marched cam I ly I down the athreet Mebbe twill I I turrn out so in Chlny Hinnlssy I see t by th paapers that thcyse four hunt hun-t dhred mlllyons Iv 1 thin boys an be 7 I hlvins twuddent surprise me if whin 1 I they got through batln us at home they might say to thimsilvcs Well I here goes fr a jaunt arround th wurruldTh time may come Bin nissy whin yell be s quh tin wather I over Hop Lees shirt while a man named Chow rung kicks down yeer sign an heaves rocks through yere windy Th time may come Hinnlssy Who knows End yeer blather said Hennessy I They wont be tinny Chlnymen left whin th Impror Wlllum gets I I through Mebbc not said Mr Dooley Hes I a sthrong man But th Chinymen have been on earth a long time an I dont see how we can push so manny iv thin off it Annyhow tis a good I thing fh us they aint Chrlstyans an I havent learned properly to sight a I gun Copyright 1900 by Rv H Russell Rus-sell I |