| Show A RACY DIVORCE SUIT Snooks vs Snooks Tried in Unity Court MOCK COURT IN SESSION FURNISHES AN EVENINGS AlUUSEMENT Judge C C Goodwin Presided at the Trial While Lawyers Schroeder Westervelt Cherry and F S Harris Har-ris Conduct the Case Expert Testimony Tes-timony on Insanity A Swedish Verdict The sensational divorce suit of Snooks vs Snooks was tried in Unity Hall list night before Judge C C Goodwin and a jury and a verdict rendered ren-dered which is given below without comment leaving the readers to put their own construction upon it Snooks the plaintiff in the case is Mr Parley P Christensen and the other Snooks the defendant Mrs Annie Maddison Bradley It was not a real trial but a mock proceeding gotten up ior an evenings amusement and it was quite a surr s in the object tor whicn n II as intended viciLbit A T Schroeder and George Westervelt counselors at law repre seated the plaintiff and Judge Cherry and Mr F S Harris appeared for the defendant J B Timmony was sheriff court bailiff and general factotum The jury was composed 11 Als La Barthe Gustavo Kroeger Mrs C S Kinney Mrs McVickwi IMI Lt sand s-and Ole Pehrson who were sworn to well and trulY try and true deliverance make between the heads of the Snooks household The coinplaint and answer were read as follows THE COMPLAINT In the unity court in and for the county of Salt Lake state of Utah Ebeneser Snooks plaintiff vs Lazar ina Snooks defendant Comes now the plaintiff and for cause of action alleges 1 That on April Fools day in the I year of our Lord one thousand eight I hundred and ninety and the 75th year i of George Swan the mower the plain i tif and defendant at r drinking of I Dixey wine were duly married at St George Utah 2 That ever since said time the plaintiff plain-tiff and defendant have lived together in that peace and harmony usually expressed I ex-pressed by the phrase monkey and parrot time 3 That the defendant without plaintiffs I plain-tiffs solicitation or request has much abused the plaintiff frequently throwing I throw-ing him out of the second story window win-dow of their home using him as football I foot-ball compelling him to eat cold lunches i and refused to provide for him roper food and raiment in harmony ith his I social standing thus causing Him great bodly harm and mental distress I 4 That the defendant not oniy utterly I ut-terly refuses to provide for plaintiff but has often called him vile and op probious names such as pinheaded I Nancy and often required plaintiff to stay at home and rock babies and wash dishes while the defendant in disregard disre-gard of her duty would stay out at I nights and endeavor to make the plaintiff plain-tiff believe that she was attending po litical meetings The plaintiff further alleges upon information I in-formation and belief that there are no children as the result of said marriage I mar-riage except 16 Therefore the plaintiff prays that the 1 bonds of matrimony between himself I and the defendant be cut in two with a meat ax that the blanket be split and I I that he be forever set free from all obligations i i ob-ligations to the defendanttyrant i Plaintiff also prays that said 16 children chil-dren be presented to some orphans I home for ornamental purposes SCHROEDER WESTERTTELT Attorneys for Plaintiff THE ANSWER I In the Unity court in and for the county of Salt Lake state of Utah Ebenezer Snooks plaintiff vs Lazar I ina Snooks defendant I Comes now the defendant and in prayerful humility submits this her I answer to the plaintiffs complaint herein and alleges I FirstThat it is true that she was married to the defendant but denies I that said marriage was of any force I or effect for the reason that the defendant de-fendant herein was at the time of unsound un-sound mind and incompetent to contract con-tract marriage all of which is conclusively I conclu-sively proved by the fact that she would consent to marry such a person I per-son as the plaintiff SecondThe defendant further alleges I al-leges that if I she has failed to provide l the common necessaries of life for the plaintiff that her failure is wholly due to the plaintiffs conduct because the defendant would have been elected to the office of citr auditor of Salt Lake City had it not been for the fact that the plaintiff made some campaign speeches on behalf of the defendant which brought about defendants defeat de-feat at the polls ThirdThe defendant further charges that the marriage between plaintiff and defendant referred to in plaintiffs complaint was procured by fraud on the part of the plaintiff in this that the plaintiff at the time of said marriage mar-riage represented himself to be full grownand to have reached his majority major-ity when in fact said plaintiff at that time was a mere child and has been growing ever since and acquired such unwieldy proportions that his presence inspired fear and trembling to the defendant Wherefore The defendant prays that the plaintiff be kicked out of court that the marriage between the plaintiff and defendant be annulled upon the grqund of defendants insanity and plaintiffs incompetency to contract marriage and that the plaintiff be required re-quired by order of this court to buy a basket of champagne to be disposed of by the court and its officers MRS SNOOKS By Cherry Fisher attorneys fat defendant TAKING OF TESTIMONY Mr Snooks alias Christensen tool the stand in his own behalf and undei examination was asked all sorts ol I questions as far removed as possible from any relevance to the issue as laid down in the pleadings The defendaht Mrs Snooks was subjected to an ordeal of a similar nature na-ture the proceeding being productive of much amusement Drs Niles and Betz described as a veterinarysurgeon and a corn doctor respectively gave expert testimony as to the insanity of the plaintiff and the defendant the judge lawyers jury and everybody in the case including the experts themselves which went far to establish as a fact that they were all crazy When that conclusion was arrived at it vas thought time to close the testimony testi-mony and then eloquent addresses were made to the jury by Messers Wrester volt Schroeder and Cherry CHARGE TO THE JURY Judge Goodwin then delivered his charge He said that under the wise stattttes of this state members of a I jury were not permitted to read news paoers or to receve or entertain any I impressions about the case they were to try The object of the law was to II get a jury that knew absolutely nothing noth-ing about anything and the jury in this case his honor considered fully met the requirements of the law There would be no harm in giving the parties par-ties either or both a divorce both were afflicted with original and continued con-tinued insanity and it was not particular par-ticular about the issues between them only the 17 children should be donated to some orphan asylum If the children I chil-dren inherited any of the characteristics J character-istics of either the plaintiff or the defendant de-fendant that would be a good way of I punishing the asylum The marriage ceremony had made the plaintiff and defendant one and the lady was the one The plaintiff Mr Snooks should I be dealt with heroically as he deserved nothing but heroic measures would meet his case Nothing had been I established by the evidence but that didnt matter however The jurors should read the statutes with a view of procuring the indictment of Mr Snooks for conspiracy in having induced in-duced the defendant to marry him at all He certainly wasnt entitled to a divorce 90 days on the rock pile was what he needed The jury then returned and brought in the following Swedish verdict which I was read by Foreman Ole Pehrson VERDICT I Ve da voreman of cbs har yury en I fancied in dis har cause inyected har tin j I find I Feesre From da evidence noting f Sekund Frum da charge off da I yudge Bishop Goodvin ve pity dis har fallar dis yudgc because ha ben hike smart lalk odor peoples and vas not I Dis yudue ha ben oh his base ven ha I sit in dis har case an ha vas not rite i i minded yen ha ben come har an vc ben sorry ha not stay some oder plais Third Ve ben sory from da talk dese I layer fellars on hole sides Da ben butcher man Ya tank an dare beds ben not yust rite Ya tank da need some I fixins Yassir Da pcples vat ben in I dis har case da not hire dem some Oder j times Maybe bote sides vin Yassir I I FortVe find counsels should be mis i barred an shut out some plais vith no I preachers maybe I FiftVe tank bote doctor mans vot i svare in da case da ben bote crazy I Maybe some pilsl laik oder fellers have take do them so gute maybe SaxVe find da charge rfl da yudge he come some oder plais an vos not original Ve > tank he get him from Yudge Soirmer sometime Ya gass so I Ve yust chuck hjm avay Ve sal yury i know more law as da yudge Savan Ve find too da constitution I ha not tie up yurymans Na hav no strings on da yury tall Nossir I AteYe sai plaintiff ha ben bad mans not support himself some laik I oder feilars vat got vimen fellers an da masheated condishun ha find him salf in vas due to hard vork rustlin an ve tank ha should be sent to rock pile an made vork plenty hard under ganl dpfendantess vat vare baloon pantses maybe ldntYa tank sume fallars vat ben insane be some times have gute sense but ye sai dis fallar plaintiff ha not hay gute sense anytime Ye tank he lose him ven ben born an ve sai he vas not careful huff ya tank TentYa tanK new true ha ought hen had vor vile ve tank ofter case some yurymans ha lose ha fees playing play-ing draw pokereses Ve vant new trUe I so ha hen get eyen maybe ElevensVe tank charge cruelty i t gute Ve find out from old newspaper in yuryroom plaintiff fallar ha go by I stump for dafandant fallar in lection an that be cruel Twelt Ve not plaintiff fallar ha charge nonsupport Ve luke ofer lec I tion returns an find that true Dafand ant she not ben gat much support Nos I sir I sirMore More TweltVe deject offer defendant defend-ant It below our price Ve not cheap I laik some niggermans Ve ben citi2ens yust laik Yankee fallars an belong Blue Church Ve ben goin kvit case rite har Yas I sir Ve sai yudge support dafandant anyting she vant an support plaintiff fallar anyting he vant Ve vants fees I so ve gat back vat lost playing poker eses OLE PEHRSON Voreman yury and five odor fellers by Ole interpreter I Sheriff Timmony then adjourned court sine die t |
