OCR Text |
Show Ill What Is a Communist? At dinner the other night a business busi-ness man I had just met suddenly asked me: "What is a Communist? How do you recognize a Communist?" Commu-nist?" . . . "Mister," I replied, "thank you very much. You have Just given me the theme for an editorial." edi-torial." And here it is. A Communist is a person who decides de-cides every American question by asking himself how much it will help Russia. . . . From what a Communist Com-munist says you can tell what the party line has ordered him to think. ... a Communist is always deeply concerned about a lynching in our Southland but thinks the kidnaping of American soldiers in Europe is perfectly justified. A Commy will scream bine murder that the atom spy ring is merely American hysteria and then tell you American business men are in a deep conspiracy con-spiracy to start another war for profit. ... A Communist is a guy who picketed the Whjte House when Hitler and Stalin were sweethearts and then stopped picketing the White House when Hitler attacked Russia. An American Red is a punko who called World War II "an imperialist struggle" on June 20, 1941, the day before Mr. Schickelgruber invaded Russia. And then called it "a holy crusade" after the German Panzers hit the Russian border. ... A Communist Com-munist was a foreign agent who cried for an American army to open a second front in 1943. And then bellowed: "Bring the Boys Home!" in 1946. ... A Communist is sure that Wall Street is crushing the Bill of Rights but agrees the Soviet ought to bar American newspaper men and radio commentators. A Communist calls ace reporter Brooks Atkinson of the N. Y. Times a journalistic gangster of a -controlled press and then quotes Izves-tia Izves-tia and Pravda to prove his point. ... A Communist is a fellow who stinks up decent liberals by joining indecent so-called liberal groups. If a bird walks like a duck waddles like a duck swims like a duck and goes "Quack, quack" like a duck it's a duck! If a man hangs out with Communists Commu-nists talks like tht Communists acts like a Commie and thinks that Joe Stalin in infallible Don't waste any time. He is a CommunistI The party-liners accuse us of being "psychopathic" for trying to yell Help, Police, Murder to the Americans. Others Oth-ers who recall our newspaper and ether warnings (ever since the security conference con-ference in San Francisco in 1945) think we should be called "psychic" . . . AP keeps reporting high prices. They should see the ones A&P keep reporting. report-ing. ... 7 Ike becomes president of the V. S., will they call it the Dwight House? Oh, awl rightttl . . . The Communist Com-munist sitcheeayshun summed up: The pinks in America don't like the way we are treating the punks in Moscow. . . . VP reports Moscow has completed 150 new trolley buses. That's a relief. We thawt everybody in Moscow was work, ing on the A-bomb. Newspaper Man Stuff: Publisher E. W. Scripps despised censorship. He ordered his editors never to suppress sup-press news. One day Scripps was nabbed by the gendarmes for drunken driving. His editor front-nacpii front-nacpii the npws Kcrinns doubled the editor's salary! . . . Among daredevil dare-devil Civil war correspondents was Henry J. Wing. He once penetrated General Lee's battle lines and arrived ar-rived in Washington with a firsthand first-hand account of the battle plus a personal message from General Grant to Lincoln. Lincoln was so thrilled about the reporter's exploit he impulsively kissed the newsman. news-man. . . . The strides newspapers have made in means of communications communi-cations are best exemplified by this yarn: During the war of 1812, one newspaper scooped the field with the news that the war had ended seven weeks after the peace treaty was signed! Communications were so poor during that war that Andrew Jackson fought one of the biggest needless battles because he hadn't been Informed peace had been declared de-clared two weeks before. Senator Buck (Rep., Del.) has turned thumbs down on return to any form of price control. This attitude will do nothing to raise the value of a Buck (spelled with a capital B). The Late Watch: Jimmy Duranfc should be used in those men-of-dis tinction adverts. He posilutely re I fuses to permit a film biographyl I . . . Komitet, Polskiego Czerwonecc Krzyza is a name listed in the New York (Manhattan) phone directory. Last name is first. (The compositors, composi-tors, proofreaders and telegraph company senders will adore me for that one.) . . . City desk will get a different twist at Arthur Murray's where many U. N. diplomats (from a Far East sect which prohibits dancing with goils other than their fraus) are taking lessons from attractive tutors. . . . Charles But-terworth But-terworth willed $5,000 to the Hollywood Holly-wood guild fund for rehabilitation of vets. Nice move by a nice guy who never had too much dough. |