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Show Here's the kind of iob Big John wants Big John ambled in wearing bermudas and a big panama, flip-flops flip-flops flip-flopping on his feet. He looked like he was on Easy Street at last. What's up, I asked, curious at the sudden show of opulence for a man who, I knew, has been out of work for sometime. John goes from job to job, taking his considerable talent and equally-considerable equally-considerable lack of enthusiasm with him. The talent has landed him any number of positions. Lack of enthusiasm has led to the demise of most of them. "Just taking a respite from the strenuous avocation of seeking a vocation," replied John expansively. ex-pansively. "I've finally defined the type of job I want. That's always been the hard part. Now I just have to find an occupation that meets my requirements. That shouldn't be too difficult." That's an interesting concept, I said, but that's not how the job market usually works. I have always looked for the job, and then worried about filling out the rest of the job description. "And look where it got you," Big John sniffed. " 'Managing Editor' of a backwater rag that doesn't even boast another editor of any sort. That's certainly not the calibre of Bmployment for which I would settle." Okay, Big John, I'll bite. Tell me about the job description you've written, and then show me a job that the editor's column By MARC HADDOCK J J' fits it. Then I'll tell you why your pie-in-the-sky kind of thinking doesn't work. "First of all, it would have to have a government source of funding," he said. "But the government controls would have to be minimal. A semi-private semi-private kind of thing that operates mainly on government contracts ought to be just about right." There aren't many of those around, are there? "There are if you know where to look. Then the job would have to have a reasonable, but not excessive salary," he continued. Not excessive? Then you're not in this for the money? "Of course I'm in it for the money. But the kind of job I have in mind would include the provision for me to make contracts to carry out the responsibilities for my function. Then I would contract with myself to do work only slightly different from what I was doing already. I would be paid more for doing basically the same thing I was doing anyway. That way the job wouldn't interfere with my recreation." That doesn't sound very honest. "Of course it's honest. It's at least as honest as what a journalist does for a living. Anyway, if I was paying myself more for my work, I'd do a better job. In the end the government govern-ment would get a superior product, and I'd get superior compensation. Sounds very honest to me. "And then I'd have to have a credit card for those vital purchases like clothing. A few hundred dollars a month ought to suffice, as long as I could go over the limit without anyone giving me a hard time." But the rest of us have to buy our own clothes, I objected. "The rest of you obviously work lor the wrong business," Big John replied. "I could also use the credit card to travel - you know how I love to travel - as long as I did some business along the way. Then I would turn in my expense account, as well, and get paid for taking the trip while the company picked up the credit card bill." It sounds pretty cushy, I said. Is there anything else you'd like? "Well, you know I've always wanted to own property. I would like to work someplace where I could buy some apartments, lease them to the firm for a little more than they are worth, and then use company funds to fix them up." You've got to be kidding, I said. No place would let you get away with that. "Of course they would. It's better than an absentee landlord, isn't it. The company would have access to me day and night -when I wasn't traveling on my company credit card, that is. And they could fix the place up just like they want it." And you'd keep making money from it, of course. "Of course. What's the point of having a job, if you can't make a little money." You'd be making more than a little. By the way, what's the secret to getting a job like that? "I don't know. When I find out I'll tell you. But I know the secret to keeping a job like that." Oh yeah? What's that? "Don't get caught." You're too late, Big John. That's already been tried, and I don't think the people who run things around here will fall for that again. "Then you haven't lived in Utah County long enough," he replied, and rambled out of the office, leaving me to try to figure it all out. |