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Show I I Bellingham's Little Joke By Elsie Endicott I mm ACK BELLI NO HAM is, 4m JT r 1 should say was. iL one of those naval officers who is M known to everybody tZjfijfcjf j in the service and to OVlgflJs a Rfcat many people JsfSS-T' on shore At the Jf time when this par- jr j tirular incident oc curred, he was a senior lieute lant in command of the gunboat Alligator, on the west coast of Africa and cape of Good Hope station a big. red-faced, boisterous man. who had many friends and also many enemies. Jack was fond of the good thinjrs of this life, and did himself pretty yell on all occasions, bp was "not endowed en-dowed with any inordinate respect for superior authority; his actions and sayings were at times some . hat original. or-iginal. These traits In his character did not popularize him with the powers pow-ers that be. A west African potentate, by name Lokomoko, king of Osolumpe, suddenly sud-denly instituted an obstructionist policy toward certain of his Britannic majesty's subjects who were endeavoring endeav-oring to lay the foundations of Oso-lumpe's Oso-lumpe's commercial prosperity by exchanging ex-changing antiquated firearms and poisonous gin for Ivory, rubber and other marketable produce of Loko-moko's Loko-moko's dominions. In doing this the king Incurred the severe displeasure of the colonial office, of-fice, and, through that department, the severe displeasure of his Britannic Britan-nic majesty's government Orders were accordingly conveyed to the commander-in-chief of the cape station sta-tion to use his utmost endeavors, by 1 gentle persuasion or otherwise, to bring the recalcitrant monarch to see , the error of hl6 ways. m Thus it came about that the Alli gator, then laying at Sierra Leone, re- J titlved orders to proceed with utmost (despatch to Bumpupo. the capital of j Osolumpe. and convey the above-men-l tioned severe displeasure to his dusky I majesty Kins Lokomoko Bumpupo was situated at thp hnd of a creek which had not previously been visited by a British man-of-war, for Osohimpp was not actually within our recognized sphere of influencp. I The navigator was somewhat nervous, I and Jack Bellingham's Idea of taking I the ship up to the anchorage at full f.peed in order to produce an Impression, Impres-sion, worried him considerably; indeed, in-deed, some very personal remarks parsed between them. However, the water was deep rlcht up to the beach in front of the Collection Collec-tion of huts which constituted the city of Bumpupo, and the Alligator was moored without mishap. A salute w-as fired causing a panic amongst oko-raokos oko-raokos subjects: and then the officers went down to dinner, it being too late for visits or ceremony. After dii.ner the captain entered the ward room with a troubled look on his face and preoccupied air. "T say, you fellows.'' he bepan, "what the deucp am I to do about this old josser of a king?" "T have given orders for the landing land-ing party to be read at 8 o'eloek to: morrow morning, sir." murmured the first lieutenant, whose ambitions soared in the direction of gunnery "Then you can countermand them at once!" snapped his superior, who was evidently not in the best of humors. "My Instructions are to use force only as a last resort." "Why not take the gunner's mate ashore and work a bit of ju-ju business?" busi-ness?" ventured the navigator. "A solo on the cornet by my sick-berth sick-berth attendant will have the- desired effect. I should imagine," chimed in the doctor "I have already told yon that I ! must not use force," said the captain. Peaceful persuasion is the order of the day." I 'Peaceful persuasion' That means ' presents!" cried the navigator. I "Exactly!" broke in Bellingham ' That's just It! What the deuco shall I give his royal highness9 A case of whisky?" "No fear sir We have only three cases left!" shrieked the doctor, who happened to be wine caterer. "Then that is quite out of the question," ques-tion," 8aid Bellingham quickly. "How about a rpgal robe of painted canvas''" can-vas''" "I want all the spare canvas for deck clothes, sir," announced the first lieutenant, with almost disrespectful I promptness "Besides, there Is no time to make it, and the paint would not be , dry " "I never came across such a set of duffers. Can't any of you think of anything"'' The eaptaln muttered Irritably. Ir-ritably. "Well, sir," put in the engineer. "T ! have got an old top-hat down below, If that is any use. I believe these niggers are rather partial to top-hats." top-hats." "Just the thing," cried Bellingham, banging the table. "You have lifted a great weight from my mind and made my promotion a certainty " Then he rang the bell and ordered a whisky-and-soda. The engineer having brought up the hat. the captain cap-tain retired with it to his cabin and sent for John Sardinetln, the head Krooman. In less than a quarter of an hour Bellingham was back in the ward room, looking more worried than ever. "One top hat is worse than no top hat at all," he murmured disconsolately. disconsolate-ly. "How's that, sir?" asked the doctor. "Well, John Sardinetin Informs me that it Is no use giving a present to the king unless it Is accompanied by one for the prime minister and one for the secretary," the captain answered. "I say, sirM cried the navigator suddenly, sud-denly, "don't you remember the last funny party we had?" "Well?" "The lamp trimmer sported a dilapidated di-lapidated tile It must be in the shfp somewhere." "I believe the gunner has a topper, too, sir," added the first lieutenant. "At least, he was seen in Cape Town wearing one the last time we were down south." "That's all right, then'" said the captain with evident relief. "Have them 6ent to m cabin, and. while you are about it. you might send the messenger mes-senger for the painter." Then he again sought the solitude of the after cabin, where he was shortly afterwards joined by the carpenter's car-penter's mate, who did duty as paint-eT. paint-eT. How long the mysterious seance lasted the other officers neither knew nor cared, for they turned In; but after breakfast next morning Bellingham Belling-ham sent for the first lieutenant. 'What do you think of that?" he cried, as his subordinate entered. On the table stood the tree top hats, and the first lieutenant recognized recog-nized at once that the carpenter's mate had not been idle The first was embelished with a rear admiral's stripes in gold leaf, with the legend "BALD" above them In gold letters; the second was decorated with a post captain's stripes and labeled "BALDER" "BALD-ER" in the same manner; the third had a secretary's stripes and on it the word "BALDEST." The first lieutenant Immediately grasped the situation. "Bald," "Balder," "Bald-er," and "Baldest" were the nick names of the admiral, the. flag captain, cap-tain, and the secretary respectively, given para? "because of the lack of hair on the top of their heads, and partly because of their extreme sensitiveness sen-sitiveness on the point. Bellingham. bearing In mind a little rebuff he had j received when last in company with the flagship, had conceived this means of getting a bit of his own back. "Good Idea, oh'" queried the cap-1 cap-1 tain. "Yes," replied the first lieutenant with a smile, "but a bit rlskv, isn't it, sir?" "Poof!" cried Bellingham "Old Baldy will never show his face in this fever stricken hole. Now- call the gig away. I am going ashore to fix up Lokomoko." "But, sir." murmured the other, "if you will pardon my density. T should like to ask a question. If the admiral never sees or hears about these presents, pres-ents, where does the Jest come in?" "We must take good care that he does hear about it, my boy," replied Bellingham; "I am going to take my camera ashore, and we will make some pictures postcards. Now get the boat alongside, please; T want to get this business over as soon a3 possible." pos-sible." Tt was an Imposing procession which the captain of the Alligator led across the beach toward Bumpupo. In front of Bellingham strode a portly leading signalman, carrying a pike to which was fastened a boat's ensign; behind marched his marine servant, fully armed Then camp, three of the gig's crew, bearing the three top hats resting on three cushions of Union Jack pattern, the said eushicis being part of the embellishment of the Alligator's Alli-gator's after cabin. John Sardinetin brought up the rear. The gorgeous specimens of headgear head-gear were no doubt espied from Loko- rooko'e palace, for the Inhabitants emerged from their hiding places. Lokomoko Lo-komoko himself appeared advanced toward his visitor, and led the way to the palaver place. In less than a quarter of an hour j Jack Bellingham's presents did what I days of talking could not have done. The king, his prime minister, and his secretary put on their tiles arnld shrieks of delight from all the men, women and children of Osolumpe Under cover of the enthusiasm Bellingham Bel-lingham took a snapshot. Then the accredited representative of his Britannic majesty firmly planted plant-ed the boat's ensign before the door of the palc.ee, Bellingham's servant presented arras, the gig's crew- gave three cheers for his majesty the king, and Osolumpe became an Integral portion of the British empire. Not to be outdone in generosity, Lokomoko Lo-komoko loaded up the gig with a magnificent mag-nificent collection of ivory tusks The boat shoved off amidst a scene of wild excitement, and that same afternoon the Alligator sailed. On the passage to Sierra Leone Bellingham wrote a detailed dispatch of his proceedings, omitting only the little matter of the ivory- tusks, and eventually he received the thanks of the colonial office. Some months later a wave of consternation con-sternation flashed through the flag ship as she lay at Simonstow-n. The commander-in-chlpf had announcpd his intention of taking a trip u.n the west coast. As a matter of fact, not even the admiral's ad-miral's coxswain had the least idea what had made him take this sudden resolution It may have been owing to a certain postcard which caught his eye as it lay on one of the writing tables in the club The reason, however, matters little; suffice It to say that the flag ship i JBi sailed from Slmonstown, and in 6vi 'H course anchored off Bumpupo. Loko- '1 moko's canoe of state shot out from sssl -the beach. lHH The admiral made preparations t - receive the king In state. A ealutinf 1HHI party stood at their guns, the guari iH and band were paraded on the quartet HHI deck, and the officers' call was sound- HUH ed. The admiral and his staff tool HBH their stand at the fore side of th HHfl gangway in readiness to receive hi! BH majesty. ill The state canoe came alongside. th lfl guard presented arms, and the hantj B played the Salute. The first thing to HH appear was an old top hat embellished Hl in gold leaf with a rear admral't M stripes, and the legend "Bald." 'H The officers gathered on the djuartei 1 deck, with their hands at the salute glanced furtively at one another; sc HIH 1 did the guard and band. The blooc j left the admiral's face; the flag cap. 1 I tain standing a little in the rear Hl j smiled faintly; the secretary blew hli Then the second hat appeared with HraH a captain's stripes and "Balder." NHS j One or two of the officers wer D9H seized with voilent fltB of coughing; HSH the marines of the guard, standing at the nreent shook like trees in a high BH wind; the admiral's face turned pur- HiH I pie. his ees blazing, his teeth filfl clenched; the flag captain took a step flSH forward; the secretary burled his face BiH In his handkerchief. B8HB The crisis, however, was at hand. B&H When the third hat appeared with ilSfli secretary's stripes and "Baldest," the BH guard dropped their rifles and rushed fiffl forward; the officers turned splutter- s33 Ing away, and crossed to the other jKajjH side of deck; the admiral nearly bad K?8i a fit. ffriH Let us draw a veil over subsequent WffipHI events, and conclude by saying that Lfijj Jack Billingham w-as not recommend- ByflH ed for promotion. HPjB |