OCR Text |
Show 2about: HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. If I were a Republican orator, I'd say the Democrats wouldn't need a keynoter at their convention when a hog-caller hog-caller would be more suitable. If, on the other hand, I were a Democratic silver-tongue, I'd say the Kepublicans needed no campaign cam-paign committee, whereas a set of pallbearers would be highly appropriate. appro-priate. As a Republican spellbinder, I'd proclaim we were giving Puerto RIoo four years in which gradually to cut loose from us, because, should the Democratic outfit win in November, by the end of those four years the Puerto Ricans will be used to having some independence and we'll be used to having none at w 1 all. As a Demo- rvjn s. Cobb cratic champion, I'd come right back by pointing out that, since Puerto Rico would starve to death anyhow under a Republican Repub-lican administration, congress mercifully mer-cifully was taking steps to let the people down there get accustomed, by degrees, to the' starvation process. Meandering Revenue Program. THE members of the senate finance committee poor things! seem to be going forward with the new revenue program the same way a land crab makes headway by traveling backward. At last accounts ac-counts they were so snarled up in figures and language that any minute min-ute the rescue party was expected to rush in with bush-hooks and chop them loose. However, out of the epileptic seizure Into which these unfortunate unfortu-nate patriots have been enmeshed, one concrete fact has emerged. There will be a slight exemption of dues on the profits of corporations making less than $15,000 a year. This will be a great boon for trunk stores down by the depot, brokerage firms handling second-hand railroad tunnels and dealers in butterflies. New Socialist Argument. THE trouble with being a Socialist Social-ist is that, no matter what you start to debate, you always wind up on the Tom Mooney case. Or at least, such was the situation until un-til recently. Now, for any Socialistic Socialist-ic argument on any subject from German measles to the Great Wall of China, there is a new climax. The tenants of a Bronx apartment apart-ment house, mostly radicals, held a meeting, and, In accordance with the best radical traditions, drew up resolutions demanding that . the management do this and that. Having Hav-ing read the fiery protest, the superintendent super-intendent addressed the gathering: "Now aboudt not ledding nobody hang out vashing in the hallways that's reasonable. I start beginning begin-ning that reform right away. "Und as to keeping garbages , off the front fire escape veil, vy nodt? "But, say, vot do you suckers ui-pect ui-pect me do aboudt the Scottsboro boys?" Sauce for the Goose. WHEN a bricklayer feels upset and licks his wife that's temper tem-per and he gets $30 or 30 days. But when a flicker star goes on a similar sim-ilar tantrum and wrecks an expensive expen-sive set, that's artistic temperament tempera-ment and the studio gives her some silver fox furs to calm her nerves. Thus it goes. If a couple in, say, Peoria, break up', why, then, a couple In Peoria have broken up. But if the same thing occurs in Hoi- ' lywood, it invariably Is featured as a "nuptial rift." A lad In Kansas takes his girl to Ye Okie New Era eatery for dinner, and what with the blue plate specials spe-cials and the tip, the transaction amounts to $1.S0, but otherwise creates no special excitement etrtier locally or throughout the nation. Let the same thing happen to a couple of the least conspicuous of (the movie colony, and 20. 'oluiunlsts fight their way to the wire. Choosing a New "Buddha." FKOM the. forbidden kingdom of Tibet although goodness kuows they never had any trouble keeping me out comes word that after a two years' search a new "living Buddha" has been discovered. However, How-ever, we already have our Own grand lamnier, the name being Joe Louis. The news from Lhasa should give encouragement to the poor unhappy unhap-py congressional committeemen who are prominently connected with the Townsend plan who'll condescend to talk to them. You may quarrel with the Town-sendites' Town-sendites' bookkeeping, with their way of handling the contributed dimes of thousands of trusting oldsters, old-sters, with their failure to explain where they're going to get the billions bil-lions to pay those gaudy pensions or how the provisions of the distribution dis-tribution are to be enforced, but at least the leaders are too proud to I endanger their social positions by I being canuht cliit-chatting with a ' lot of congressmen. IRVIN S. COBB Ct.Dyr.cht W N L" Scrv.ce. |