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Show ! I " ' 1 ! 'J . ! CRISIS SHELTER provides a place for battered spouses to cool off and is usually the starting point for a solution to the situation. Social Ser- Battered Spouse Crisis shelfler ereeofles springboard tfo solutions By Steven VVallis Express Editor Editor's Note: This is the first of a two-part series on spouse abuse in the Uintah Basin. "Mommy and daddy are fighting and it is all my fault," a five-year-old girl told a local crisis shelter manager when she was brought there with her mother. 'It's the kids that suffer the most," said the crisis shelter manager, "but it is not the kids' fault." For the past five years a growing concern con-cern in the area is spouse abuse. . Since 1979, the number of reported spouse abuse cases has increased five times in Uintah, Daggett and Duchesne counties. In 1982 there were 159 cases. Since last August, there were 42 reported , spouse abuses in the three-county region. About five years ago, through a joint grant with Price, the Vernal area was able to secure funding for a safe house, or crisis shelter where battered spouses can go to cool off. Sheryl Keiver was the director of the safe house project when it started. After a few years working elsewhere, she is again the director. "The first purpose of the safe house," said Mrs. Keiver, is to make them (battered (bat-tered spouse) safe." The safe house is managed 24-hours daily by five managers. Battered spouses are allowed to stay at the facility facili-ty for up to 30 days during which time they are free to come and go as they . please, but they must check in at 8 p.m. For security reasons, the location and phone number of the safe house is confidential. "The second purpose (of the safe house) is to help the battered spouse with mental stability to give them feedback as' to why these things happen." Actual counseling is done outside the crisis center. House managers are advised advis-ed to only listen. According to Mrs. Keiver, spouse abuse follows a cycle of violence. The first step is a tension period where either the boss gets mad at the husband, his dinner din-ner isn't fixed just right or the house isn't cleaned. The second step, said Mrs. Keiver, is the hide out period, when the woman knows there is going to be a fight so she tries to send the children to a vices is seeking a new location for the crisis center. neighbor and makes other preparations as the verbal abuse begins. The violence portion of the cycle may last from 2 minutes to 24 hours and may involve rape, sodomy, and other acts of violence. The fourth step in the cycle is the anger period. The last step which starts the cycle cy-cle over again is the loving confrontation. In this state the husband makes up to his wife to get her back. "They say they will do anything the battered woman wants as long as they come back to them," Mrs. Keiver said. About 50 percent of the persons who come to the safe house have been abused abus-ed before. About 80 percent go back to their husbands. They are real nice for several months, but usually the abuse reoccurs. "I was abused for 17 years," said one woman. "When he broke my nose I decided I didn't have to put up with it anymore." Women which were interviewed at the safe house said there are many reasons why they go back to their husbands: the biggest being security. "He had me convinced that I couldn't make it out on my own," said a mother of two children who finally divorced her husband. "Of course, I still get telephone calls from him in the middle of the night, but now I don't care." One battered spouse said her husband said he had a terminal illness and he needed his wife back to "help him through it." "At times I'd wish he would die, but still a divorce was hard to go through," said another battered spouse. "It's like a second honeymoon (when you go back to him) "but a couple of months he starts (the abuse) over again." Recently the local crisis shelter had a woman who was thrown through a plate glass window by her husband. The next day she went back to her husband. Usually Usual-ly the cycle will continue until the wife reaches a breaking point or the husband feels guilty and undergoes counseling. One of the major problems, according to one battered spouse, is there are no programs or support groups geared for husbands. Usually the crisis shelter is for women because they are the target of the spouse abuse and usually the children don't want to leave their mothers, Mrs. Keiver ' said. Activities and services available to safe house residents include individual counseling, help in acquiring a job, housing hous-ing or legal services, assertiveness training, train-ing, women's support groups, self-defense self-defense class and children's group. Most of the programs build a woman's self-esteem and selfworth, Mrs. Keiver said. The crisis shelter service is usually provided by referral from either the sheriff or police departments. The services ser-vices can be contacted directly through Social Services, 789-5850. Because the safe house is a non-profit organization it relies on community support sup-port to continue to provide adequate services. ser-vices. Donations of money, clothing and useable household goods are always welcome and are tax deductible. Volunteers are also used to serve. as advocates for battered women and to fill in at the safe house when needed. "It is really hard when you don't know anyone in town and you need help," said: a new resident of the community who had been battered. "In Salt Lake I went to the YMCA and it seemed more like a prison. Here (at the safe house) it is ' more like being at home. It's much better." |