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Show aiiiiMiiiffiSSWlum i ii. -"-i - by richord kalebjian i I O ; ou i I f f?i the inkhorn I 1 ! 1 II i 3 J '--,UL5 : "Not Again, OSHA!" fca'.iw-"-' M llSliraillillliiMIllMfflyraillllllllllllllllllW A few months ago, OSHA, Occupational Safety & Health Administration, an agency of the U.S. Department of Labor, brought a deluge of complaints down upon itself from small businesses, farmers and ranchers, because some of the wording in its publications were viewed as an affront to the intelligence. One such OSHA booklet nut out for cattlemen and dairymen, was entitled "Safety With Beef Cattle." An example of the dumb advice it contained is: "When floors are wet and slippery with manure, you could have a bad fall." (No kidding?) Or there's the opening line that declares: "The best way to not have an accident is to prevent it. ' ' (Pure logic!) Then there were other ridiculous statements such as: "When you are hauling cattle, do not put too many in the truck." And another that warned: "Be careful that you do not fall into the manure pits." The booklet, one of several OSHA Confucious-like publications costing the taxpayers nearly a half-million dollars, had its distribution halted "pending its revision." Now the Man From Inkhorn (that's me!) has recently received word through a secret Japanese informant whose code name is AH-SO, that some more sage sayings are being considered for the next issue, and they are herein being released for the first time. Are you ready? Then here goes: 1. Do not put your shoes on backwards as they will tend to feel uncomfortable. 2. Do not drink clear chicken broth with a fork because you could blow your mind. 3. When cutting your toenails, always" be sure to work from the front to the back. 4. When changing a flat, always .emove the punctured tire first before putting on the spare. 5. Do not blow your nose into a cellophane handkerchief unless you have a washcloth on hand . . . or in hand, maybe. 6. When getting married, do not look at the maid of honor when you say, "I do." 7. When driving along in your car and chewing tobacco, always roll dowm the wdndow before you spit. 8. WThen shaving, be sure to avoid the eyeballs as they nick easily. 9. Under no circumstances should you climb into your waterbed with your spurs on. 10. Never try to inflate the tires on your car by blowing down the tailpipe. 11. Never, at any time, attempt to climb a ladder which has had its rungs removed. . Well, what the heck! If the government can do it at taxpayers' expense; why can't I do it for nothing? |