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Show :--- 'V '77K"V .7-: . 7-"N: Moab BLM employee, Janet Pierson, and Canyonlands National Park Aide, Teri Troup, free Janet Bachman from one of the villainous voluminous vegetables. (Photo by Alvin Reiner) Voluminous vegetative villains vandalize By Alvin Reiner Southeastern Utah has been innundated by the recently introduced giant tumbleweed, Pseudogigantua Commie. Aided by strong hot-air currents, the oversized organisms have created chaos throughout the region. "It isn't safe to walk our deserts anymore," a disgruntled denizen remarked. The giant weeds, like their botanical brothers, are indigenous to the Soviet Union, or more precisely, Siberia. An official of the patriotic Jack Pine Society believes it is part of an overall conspiracy. First, they tried to immobilize us with the Russian flu, and now this, he stated. "When you get caught in one, it's almost as bad as being tangled in red tape," he continued. Because of the infestation, the song "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" has been banned as "being without redeeming social significance," and has been characterized as "Un-American," due to the origin of the species. According to presidential secretary, Miss Knote, a massive program headed by the eminent agricultural specialist, William Carter, will investigate the possibility of employing this nemesis in the manufacture of a spiritual product. Mr. Carter will then distribute the resulting concoction under the trade name of "Brother Bill's Bibulous Brew." Until this problem is remedied, we'll just have to take shelter; at JesjunUpnooTda)Move |
