Salt Lake Telegram | 1932-06-14 | Page 2 | Correspondent Can't Reach Convention Badges Likened to Outfit of Armor

Correspondent Cant Can't Reach Convention Finds Self Trapped in His Hotel Hold Badges Likened to Outfit of Armor By HENRY McLEMORE United Press Pres Stiff Staff Correspondent CHICAGO June 14 Armed 14 Armed with witha a ticket bearing aring a striking resemblance resemblance blance to that rarest of early American Amer ican antiques the dollar bill and a abronze abronze abronze bronze badge so large it needed but buta a pair of pan pants to qualify as a suit of armor your correspondent awoke today prepared to take in the Republican Republican lican convention Your correspondent who hereafter hereafter here here- after will be known as Harley Hig was particularly anxious to be on time for he had heard that the first act of ot the convention known as the revolt of ot the natives was was' particularly line fine Imagine Harleys Harley's dismay then when at noon he found lound himself still trapped in his hotel the Congress DOORS GO NOWHERE I How I 1 can cm hear my readers In upper upper up up- upper per Wisconsin and elsewhere asking how v was Harley trapped in a hotel Was Wu not the hostelry exit equipped Were there not innumerable doors through which Harley might have escaped escaped es Yes my dear readers there was a great sufficiency of ot doors bul bullet bullet but but- let me tell teU you about this hotel It opera operates tes and successfully too despite the most Involved floor numbering numbering num num- bering system of ol all time There is absolutely no rhyme or r reason son to th the hotels hotel's method of designating floors floor In the Congress for instance the second second sec see ond floor is the eleventh Impossible ble you sa say Well all right but ut Im I'm telling you Harleys Harley's room was 1153 and it wasn't 15 feet fed of off the ground I have hav it from an unimpeachable source that the third floor loor is s the n nineteenth nine mae n the sixth the seventeenth nth tM the roof garden the basement and tn the basement the and that above the thirtieth a St St. Bernard g goes i with each room why go abroad tot lor for Alpine climbing Rube Goldberg is a dear friend ol ot the manager t This baffling to say the least t method meth od of numbering the floors proved Harleys Harley's undoing Taught since in infancy 20 10 fane fancy 1 to walt wait 30 minutes after eating eating eat eat- ing before fore swimming 2 nev never r to mix watermelon and liquors 3 that sugar sprinkled with Witt kerosene would break up a cold an ana 4 that the eleventh floor of ot a BOIM hotel is is' higher than the second harley Harter couldn't get to first base in gettin out of the Congress Up bright and early Harley boarded board boarded ed an elevator at a. a m. m Let me off oH he told the conductor tor at the second floor the the matter with you JB Ule conductor replied Youre on the we second now Harley explained that his number was 1153 And two is not eleven Nor is eleven cleven two At least not where I from come j Where asked th the conductor did conductor dw Im I'm rom you come from Not Utica thiS US there Utica Mighty pretty up time of year You cant can't beat that dof dot doS full fuu wood My wife keeps the howe house of it Not much for smell but lOOkS loCh awfully good j Ana Md And Harley tried another elevator But always the we another and arid another already already al al- answer was the same You Youre re r ready on the second Finally he jum jumped d. d He landed ft cut hIm hIm- a dry delegate and all but luj self to death Witnesses told the JO delegate hit w tb lice that when the sidewalk it sounded like someone ki had dropped a brick through the toe light Ight of the Mason jar works works' 1 me Ill I'll Now if it you'll pardon jon j on my little red rioting hood and over the communist demonstration J