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Show I ' 1 ' . 1 ! A Line o' Type or Two - ! I I "Lord, v.iiat fools these mortals be. I ! . J By B. L. T. , ! ! After Reading Harvey's "Weekly. I I love 'o'onM Unrvoy, 1 i lii.s stuff i so warm. j AitI it you tkm't bity him He'll do you no harm. , I'll s!t hy tt-.e fire" Ai-'i fee.i hipi raw meat. And Harvey will ron r niu Clear oif'n my feet. We'll Bet You're the Sane Oue. Sir: I liavo just r- James Vontifex's ; withered-marrow stin'f fur the lea sue of l nations. In my mind's eye 1 can see him I'Oiuifexinsr it now with his scrawny i si'te whiskers and iTOiruiitr.Lr Adam's apple ap-ple wi.swatrKi'1'- bis paeifistn to his fel'uw-decadeuts. fel'uw-decadeuts. 1 'it her he who wrote it or you who jmhlisliod it, or myself who road it. must he crazy. .However, I know beyond be-yond peradventurc that one of the trio is sane safe and sane. AM FjniCAX. Some of us. our dear sir, believe that if the league covenant were ratified as it stands it would not do much harm; that if it were ratified as it sta nds it would not do inui-h pood ; that Jd r. Wilson is the greatest egoist I hat ever held the presidential chair; that the senate is morn part isan than patriotic, hecauso "it is its nature to"; but that, nevertheless, the senate deserves to win because of the attempt to nullify its rights guaranteed to it by the revered constitution. A Boon for Barbers. Sir: Wc manufacture hair-cutting machines ma-chines and receive a number of letters from barbers. Got this this morning; "I understood you was putting a noiseless noise-less clipper out and it interested me, as the one I have you can't talk to any one while it Is in operation." . K. W. L, C. The soft coal operators are to reply to the miners today, and wc shall sec whether a soft-coal answer will turn away wrath. We'll Tell the Pleiades So. Sir: "I'll say she is," "Don't take it so hard." "I'll tell the world." These, and other slangy expressions from our nursery, nur-sery, fell upon the sensitive auditory nerves of callers last evening. I am in a Quandary, whether to complain to the missus or write a corrective letter to the children's school teachers, for, on the square, some guy ought to bawl the kids out lor fair about this rough stuff it gets my goat. J. I li. Did you thing that "I'll say so" was new slang? Well, it isn't. You will find it in Sterne's "Sentimental Journey." (An Incident witnessed on P m Lake.) A loon there was, a loony loon, "Ha, ha!" lie madly laughed; I looked at him one afternoon, The silly fool and daft. Lone laddies twain in a long canoe, Lithe, lean and clean of limb, Laid to with a will and paddles two To catch a glimpse of him. But ere they reached the loony loon He dived, the mountebank : But the twain hallooed, "We'll ?et you .soon." And paddled to where he sank. And there they lingered minutes two For the idiot to return, L'ntil they heard that loony hird "Ha, ha!" a mile astern! P. S. V. Perhaps you noticed these two headlines, head-lines, although they were not printed on the same page: "John D. ( lives Big Fund to Baptists." "Kerosene Price Advance." A Chance for Those Wlio Write, . " I Have Seen Much Worse Than This iu Your Column." Sir: An idea. The editor of "Life" (adv.) announces a "Dull Number," and invites contributions. Vhy not a "Dull Column" one of these days' You, of have to refrain, pairing-, perhaps, with Iris. But many who have hitherto fluttered flut-tered floorwards what do you say? P. D. S. The announcein-ent in the New York Central's time table, that "this railroad is in possession and control of the United States government." would have caused considerable talk in the 'eighties. Wincing of the Artistic Soul. (Arthur Symons. "Dieppe, 1S9".." The men. if they have good figures, look well: they have at least Lhe chance of looking well. But the women: Hare, indeed, in-deed, is the woman who can look pretty, in her toilette of herself, as she comes out of the sea. wraps herself In a sort of white nightgown, and staggers up tho beach, the water running down her legs. Evuii at the more elegant moment when she drops her peignoir at the sea's edge, before stepping in, it is hard for her to look her best. Is it not with a finer taste, after all, that in some parts of England the women are not allowed to bathe with the men, are kept out of sight as much as possible? A sentimental sensualist sen-sualist should avoid the French seaside. Ho will be pained at seeing how ridiculous ridicu-lous a beautiful woman may look when she is clothed in wet and dragging garments. gar-ments. The lines of the body are lost and deformed: there is none of the suggestions sug-gestions of ordinary costume, only a grotesque gro-tesque and shapeless image, all in pits and protuberances for which nature should be ashamed to accept responsibility. responsi-bility. Between nakedness and this compromise com-promise with clothes there is the whole world's length: and as for this state of being- undressed and jet covered, in this makeshift, unmilliner-like way, it is too barbarous, Mesdamcs, for the toleration of any gentleman of taste. . Enima Goldman, out of jail, announces that she is for prison, reform. As Mr. Trumbull said "No man e'er felt the halter draw AYith good opinion of tiio law." Accidents Will Happen. (From the Swalnsboro, Ga., Forest-Blade.) AVe are very sorry of lhe recent murder mur-der tliat happened in our little town. Sorrv had it happened anywhere, but much more so that it was done here. More than once we have heard it voiced about that Oak Park is a bad place. 1 want to explain here and now that we have some as good people here as you will find anywhere. Our people here in Oak Park love right and hate wrong just as much so as other good people. Now if people from out of town choose to drink 'moonshine whisky, enrage their brain, and murder each other, please don't lay the blame on Oak Park. Now. as to that district in Kentucky which King Swoj.e carried, it bad been, comebacks Cliff. '"" Democratic since .the Crown of Thorns. "If not night schools, was It dry schools'.'" H. C. L-, The High Crossing of Legs. Pir: The experience of the salesmen selling silk hose in the province suggests that the woman who c. h. 1. has something some-thing to do with the h. c. of. 1. G. J. K. Still, from hr poetry we ran tell That Laura does not c. h. 1. An Adventure in Nomenclature. Sir: Sign in a Pes Moines haberdashery haberdash-ery window: "Closed on account of Jewish Jew-ish holiday. P.uhe Smith." "W'. S. "Collapsible Kviby's Co-cart." Adv. Aren't all babies, bless 'em, collapsible'.' collapsi-ble'.' The Ios Mollnos r.-ind Co, In California admils on lis stationery that its vice president is Jay Lawyer. |