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Show t I A Line o' Type or Two "Fay ce que vouldras." i -f By B. L. T. "A debate." declared the Trlb. "about which of tlie four quarts makes a gallon would be as sensible," eic. And you really would not believe how many readers have I advised us that it vs. of course, the last i quart in that makes the gallon. I World Heart Shall Not Crack Tonight. E-'ir: Milton had it right. You must I have forgotten, or you would ere th.a ; have printed the linos from "F'aradis ; lxsi": , , , i "ibo glistered the dire Snake, and Into fraud Led Eve, our credulous mother, to the Tree Of Prohibition, root of all our woe." p. g. 0 not reject this and "break the heart of tho world." POLYGLOT Further to prevent tlie heart of the world from breaking, we hasten to record that Charles Sense and Sadie Wiser were married in L.oz onglaze last week. Bring on the Pledge! Sir: What's a league between drinks? An 'tis the purpose, of our Savanarolan prexy to hold us weta in purgatory with parched tongue until we accept the, league. 1 sign tomorrow. What's yours? C. M. O. The Des Moines council has passed a law, according to tlie Register, "abolishing "abolish-ing the German language in Toto." But what do we care about Toto? Let them talk it in Toto. If the Japanese don't object, ob-ject, why should we? They Will Visit the Academy on Their Honeymoon, ("Michigan item.l Harry French of Battle Creek and Mies Blanche M. Frye of Lansing were united in marriage on Sunday afternoon. The Lemon Pickers. Q. A. R. : "1 have never drifted uninterrupted unin-terrupted across a street with the current of traffic. I believe my picture accompanies accom-panies the daily orders of the traffic squad, commanding them to keep watch for me, and when I hit the curt) toot! Like Ben Franklin, a whistle has bothered both-ered me all my life." Mara Hall: "Count me among the first ten. I always draw berths 1 or 2, 11 or 12." C. T. R. : "Although I always ask for a quiet room in the hotel, the clerk invariably in-variably places me nex t to the elevators or over the k-k-kitchen door.'' The Springfield Republican is Informed that "beer drinkers become overfed from the malt in beer, and the result is disease." dis-ease." Ain't prohibition wonderful? So to Speak. Sir: Want Ad: "Sander Wanted Experienced Ex-perienced in sanding Queen Anne legs." Magnum opus hoc, et opus quod quaerit comiam arena. CALCITROSUS. Rep. Gard of Ohio says that congress does not have the power to say that a certain thing Is intoxicating when In fact It Is not so. Can't say aa to its power, but congress decidedly does not have the ability so to say. Skillet Fork Correspondence. TDeer Sur: Hoapin' these few lines finds yew tlie same, I'm stilt on the job at Skillet Fork. Be'n hustlin with wheat fer the las' two weeks, me an' Bill an' the boys. All cut an shocked, an waitin' fer Hi Tinkum ter come along with 'is suppurator an' gang. Hi does a good quick job, an' don't keep nobody stannin' 'roun. Bigges' job o' shockin 't I ever was in. Every stalk was five foot long an' more. Bill sez lie never seen sech growthy grain. 27 days o' rain strate in May on rich fosforated ground made them stalks shoot up like they was sweet clover on the side of a railroad track, or elderberry elder-berry in yer back yard; but the wet kind o' washed tlie bloom off, an' the heads ain't no bigger "n or'nery. Still they's some wheat thai, an' Bill sez we got enuff straw ter cover the hull dum country coun-try a foot deep. Ev'ry shock 's 'bout 'b high s I be, an' they's most three thou-san' thou-san' of 'em, so Bill reckons. The way I felt one nite when we didn't quit till after nine p. m. in the evenin', I should say they was three mlllyun shocks. But yew bet ye it's reel life workin' that 'a' way. This 'ere clock-watchin' bizness in the citys of everybody's try in ter see how much time they kin git off from work an' still draw a big wad o' pay ain't pop'lar down our way. When we got work ter dew we dew it, buggosh, 'cos' it's gotta be dun, an' rain or shine, or sun time or AVilson time, don't make no odds. We et super ev'ry nite at nine, an' it's pow-'ful pow-'ful refreshln' lemme assoom tew asert, ter eat a big bunch o' hot grub that late, when yer sis tlm is all achy fer feed, sprawl wfith Bill full length on the ve-randy ve-randy fer half a hour, an' then crawl inter bed an' feel a star tellin' ye ye've dun well an eamt a good sleep. They ain't no city life ekals that sort o thing. An' w:hat does the city cuss dew with a lot o' time when he gits it? I s'pose he reads Tenisun, studies' Spanish, an' goes ter paintin' ejeerbishuns. Likel. Ef ev'ry man in this 'ere yoonyvers hed the reel int'rest In his work us farmers hez in our'n, an' dun It 'thout regards ter no quittin time 'cos' he liked it an' sort o' hed ter dew it ter feel right with hisself, they wouldn't o' be'n no likker or vise problums, an' a lot o' soshul damfoolish-nes damfoolish-nes wrould be r us tin' on the junk pile. But I ain't one them ernest fellers thet thinks he hez a- foolproof skeme fer de-humanizin' de-humanizin' fokes, an' makin' superfokes of 'em. I druther help Bill farm it twelve hours a day, work like I might never hev anuther chanct, an' keep my dam mouth shet. I was tellin' Bill t'other nite 'bout yoor High School o' Llve-f'revers, where Jet Wimp an' them others goes. Bill kind o laffed an' sez they's another one thet otta be inclooded up here ter Keenes, an' I , seen her name myself in our local paper. The only trouble, Bill sez, is she works j at a Bank 'stid o' goin' round with a buck-saw, an' he can't see no connec-shun. connec-shun. Her name is Corda Wood. Yoor'n trewly. P. S. W. Skillet Fork, Jooly lOst. They Have, of Course. Sir: The little town of Morrow in the state of Ohio is being revived in Lunnon with immense success in the 'alls, as they eay over there. This is from the comment com-ment of a critic In a London weekly (who probably had three or four days to assimilate assim-ilate the American brand of humor): "It is the song entitled 'To-Morrow,' in which a man goes to a railway booking-office and says he wants to go to a town named 'To-Morrow.' " And yet they say B ALLY BUN NION. ' "Mrs. Will Lutz's Calves at Brownhelm are Quite Identical." Lorain, O., Item. This is so remarkable that we take the liberty of doubting it. Cruel and Unusual .(From the New York Times.) Doc Lavan broke one of his playing ball in Cuba last winter. He almost broke the other trying to hit a pitch-out yesterday. yester-day. Mrs. Al Jolson testified that Jolson's father is a rabbit in Washington." San Francisco Examiner. Not a Welsh one, however. We Feel Sure It Was Not Intentional. Sir: On the day that the Friend of Humanity, Beer, and Light Wines landed at New York on his second voyage to America the flag on the Kansas City public library was flown upside down. HOBY G. "Five dressing rooms and commodious showerbath for the convenience of the golfer and golferette." Capper & Capper. Cap-per. No segregation there. The Trib Is asked, "Can a new landlord destroy garden products on a tenant?" Coi Mru&frlu we should say. |