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Show FOTt TIIE LADIES. "Tis false !" as the girl Baid wheu her beau told her she had beautiful hair. A eritie saj-s of a famous singer that "she sings a few airs and puts on a great many. ' ' Anna Dickinson denies that refused re-fused to many a Chinaman. It was the Chinaman refused. Why are a country girl's cheeks like French calico ? Because they are warranted war-ranted to wash and retain their color." Newark, N. J., has an "Old Maids' Club." They are getting so thin they have to club together to make a show. A girl at school would like to have two birthdays in a year. When she grows up to be a woman, she objects to having even one. It is said that experiencsd husbands cau tell when their wives are about to ask for money by the way they purse their mouths. The young man who was "lonely since his mother died" is all right now. His father married a widow with five grown daughters, and they give a party every night. If you want to find out a man's real disposition, take him when he iz wet aud hungry. If he iz amiable then, dry him and fill him up, and yu hev got au angel. Two rival belles at a ball. "How well you look under candle light !" exclaimed ex-claimed one, with a stress on the candles. can-dles. "And how charming you look in the dark!" answered the other. At the opening of a breach of promise prom-ise case in Kentucky, the court asked the counsel for the plaintiff how long the trial would probably last. "I can't say exactly, replied the counsel, "but will mention as one item that I have 3S4 love-letteis, written by tho defendant to my client, to read." A poetess thus describes how it snowed, and what she did: Softly, softly, while we slept, Came tho snow-flakes gently down, Came and sorrowfully wove A shroud of white for the buried town; "We rose witli feelings grand and intense, And hircda middle-aged Anglo-African shovelest to clean our side-walk oft' for fifty cents. A magistrate in Ohio was called out of bed one night recently by a couple anxious to get married right off. The Squire stood at the bed-room window in his shirt, aud yelled the ceremony down to them as they stood on the pavement. The groom pretended to put the fee under the front door, but, when the Squire came down in the morning, he found nothing but a patet medicine man's pamphlet on the best method of curing liver complaint. Chagrin and a cold caught at the window win-dow affected him so deeply that he died on the following Tuesday; and if you want to afford gratification to a heart-broken bu: iudiguaut widow, and at the same time enjoy an exciting pugilistic pu-gilistic contest, just write to the Squire's relict and tell her where that bride aud groom are spending their honeymoon. She wants to know badly. |
