Show I GENEVERES DIARY c I From the French of Marcel Prevost i Translated for The Herald By MARY E ALMY of Salt Lake City T THE BLUES May 20th Why am I so nervous and sad Why is my heart so full of heaviness of blue devllF as poor Mother ReinedesAuges used to say in the happy time when I had only the little vexations of a penstonnaire where I was neither married orwhat was yl going to wrtteall my joy ot life today to-day is being a mother Yes all my happiness lies in my splendid baby boy Rene nineteen months old the bussed cherub Mother ReinedesAuges who used this word blues to mean vague things obscure depressing which Vfigh on the heart without one being able to tell from whence they came or what they are has also invented a regime to combat these blues which is i as follows One must shut themselves In their room with pen and pencil in hand before be-fore a sheet of immaculate paper Then one must closely scrutinize their inner selves By looking hard one will tncl almost always by discovering the little devils which torment one each I in a different corner of the heart that is to say that the true causes of the sadness unmask themselves As one recognizes them they must be noted down as clearly as possible on the paper and a number oppost them ac coraing to their order of discovery The list ended one must examine each in detail one must force oneself to find a remedy one must try to be resigned to pray a little and most always this effort will suffice to bring back peace of mind and good nature Alas As I grow oldto be sure I have not advanced very far on the way I see more and more why this life is en ndoT JiI so vain so full of weakness and mis I I lT cry b It is that I am free from the wise discipline 1 dis-cipline of the convent If one only knew how to bring them into the worldly ways and the life of a wire what a strong woman one could be > It Is never too late to try to do well Let us try the remedy of Mother ReinedesAuges applied in the particular par-ticular case of Genevere Olivier here present expensionnaire of the Sacred Heart de Blois today Countess Raoul de Boistelle 22 years of age married three years provided with a love of a baby whom I adore and a wicked yes wicked husband whom alas I adore also for he is very charming Behold before me the sheet of white paper as directed I take a new pen I sit down the door of my chamber is clostd and bolted Baby Is asleep his nurse beside him Raoui is at the club at 3 oclock in the afternoon on Sunday Sun-day possibly he is No one will disturb dis-turb me for two hours Let us commence com-mence MY BLUES FirstIt is Sunday gloomy day especially es-pecially between luncheon and dinner It is horribly warm and when it is too warm I simply cannot liveS live-S Baby has a little pimple at th corner of his mouth And besides for more than a week the precious one has kept me uneasy I have always been so proud of his health and now he is pale is a little feverish and nurse says he does not sleep well Third Whitefern has ruined my traveling gown After ten fittings he sent it home early this morning while I was still asleepno doubt so I could i not try it on in the presence of his I workwoman who brought it I look frightfully ridiculous in it It is most annoying My departure for Tallalres will be delayed in consequence Fourth Finally the greatest the real blue devil and the only one I which counts after all iswell I am jealous horribly jealous Not a beastly jealousy without a motive for the pleasure of tormenting myself and tormenting tor-menting my husband I have good reasons rea-sons To begin with Raoui does not love me any more If I should die that would make him sad I suppose but I think his tenderness would stop there It is so evident that I have him that he prefers to be where I am not It breaks my heart to write such things but the system of the Mother Relne desAuges is exact it is necessary a sincere rigorous examination of these blue devils To cease to please ones husband Is terrible in itself but this is not all Roaul pleases himself elsewhere Oh I do not know exactly who is the woman wom-an who is taking him from me nor just to what point she has succeeded If I could know that This is certain that some one is making the effort to supplant sup-plant me My suspicions lie between a young girl and a young woman A young girl Can one call this particular par-ticular girl by a name given to us at thp convent we so innocent so timid no reserved Mile Luc de Giverny is one of these ultra worldly Parisians i who borrow the manners of the new world larking i lark-ing the selfrespect for the American girls though they are great flirts know how to defend themselves Mile Lucy de Giverny goes out alone driving One encounters her in the salon of the Champ de Mars with a gentleman who shows her the pictures while the coupe of Mme Mere de Giv erny watts before the porte Cochere this seems to answer for propriety I At a ball Mile de G verny chooses a cavalier to her taste and isolates herself I I her-self with him in a corner this is habitual hab-itual At the Avrezaos nicht before last J I It was my husband who was the favored s fa-vored one And he was astonished afterward q af-terward that I had a crying fit in the carriage So there Is Mademoiselle de Giverny I across my horizon There Is also Aftaan Pelatsux Sh b i th > wt i of an artist a little ash blond pink and a hit very pretty too pretty Why i do we receive in our world people who j I do not belong to it as the Delaveraux I people who have a past at the dairy I pibhf bails rented rooms studios j i Wh ° re lid he get his wife Some say 1 I she was his model that they lived together to-gether before they were married j Nevertheless they are received every j where he because he has talent is intelligent and has made money she because she is i so pretty that she chances all the men into beasts she i only has to touch them with hex fat IfttTo hdnrl I She has paid court to my husband All the women pay court to Raoul Dieu How I ish he were less fascinating I fas-cinating I should love him just as much and other people would not try to roi me Well for a fortnight Madame Delaveraux has been flirting with Raoul the same as others Raoul I appeored very much interested Then suddenly they have changed their tactics j tac-tics they hardly speak now One would say they avoided each other A silly that I am I was glad I thought i What happiness Till do not love i each other I was deceived But mamma who is ho quick t compre I lend and Is always the first to call i i my attention to Haouls misdeeds and tells me when I should resent things I mamma said Take care They arc not flirting before be-fore the world so they are doing so ins I i In-s ret Watch your husband I J Then 1 reolied he isnt in loe with j Lucy de Giverny B suspicious of the little Giverny I I did as mamma said Alas I was i t4 suspicious of the little Giverny I was j 1 suspicious of Madame Delaveaux I j sUSjcOUR s was suspicious of Raoul and I suffered horribly Such are my blues I cannot find any others with the most careful self 1 I o < I examination Now I must consider 1 them and dissipate them if I can I I I need not stop long at the first That it jsVery warm that i is Sunday are fact of which one can very sincerely sin-cerely accuse destiny However I will remedy them as far as possible I will giVE the order for Kate to carefully close the windows lower the shades j I arjd curtains in my room every mornIng morn-Ing while they Are exposed to the sun and I will attend vespers which will help to occupy the afternoon faecona Ti pimple the indisposition indisposi-tion of baby Dr Arnaud our regular regu-lar physician came this morning and he says there is nothing to fear that I all children are apt to have more or I less fever at this season Nevertheless there is an epidemic of childrens smallpox small-pox in some quarters of Paris I have written tQ Dr Robin in whom I have great confidence and entreated him to come and examine baby tomorrow at j i the latest j i I Third My ruined costume I will take it back to Whitefern and tell him 1 very decidedly that I do not wish it touched that 1 will not wear it but that I am ready to order another t Madame Aurezac did so without dif I acuity Whiteiern Is very reasonable I but it is necessary to talk to him and not to his employees tries ones nerves though In five days the new I costume can be finished My departure I lor la Hijeh iill not be delayed very I much If any The last but most serious my husband hus-band my wicked Raoul Good Mother ReinedesAuges you who are today singing canticits In Paradise Inspire me Give me the reflections of a reasonable rea-sonable Christian wife You certainly understand that I cannot willingly be forsaken for a Mademoiselle de Giver ny or a Madame Dtiav aux I have nothing to reproach myself with I assure as-sure you good Mother Reinedes Auges I love Raoul with all my heart I think only of him I belong to him I so utterly thathow can I express It I I that I have sometimes regretted thai I belong to him so blindly I am not ugly Mother Reine and I assure you that more than once since my entrance Into society I have repelled admirers Is it just because Raoul feels me so much his property his thing that he no longer takes any care to protect me Is i necessary to cease showing him my tenderness Is it necessary for me t flirt on my sideto use the familiar processes of romances and comedies Oh how repugnant that is to me No I will not do that I will not give myself the appearance of a dishonest woman In order to bring back my hus band Only I believe that i will be wise to watch my heart to restrain my loving impulses I ought to make Raoul comprehend my unhappiness and that not by tears I have already wept before him and I felt as if it did more harm than good but by silence by abstaining from caresses it wH cost me much nevertheless it is necessary nec-essary I will take the firm resolve to treat my husband henceforth with coldness and submission without more Now in regard to my two enemies i Madame Detaveaux anr MadmuistUe de Giverny what to do I do not wish any scene In public assuredly and moreover while Raoul flirts outrageously outrage-ously with these creatures he is per feet in his conduct toward me He never furnishes me the occasion for a I scene Then must I resign myself o 11 I cannot I am not sufficiently heroic enough of a saint to I accept being def de-f e I do not believe God exacts that of me tO have a right to the I fidelity of my husband if i is not to I be mine I had rather live alone with i my dear baby who will console me So I am quite decided I will know I I the truth and if it is too cruel for me I I will pray mamma to go back with baby and me to our estate of the Loir etCher But how to know I lhe other day a pioapectest came I in my name Countess de Boistelle and I opened it before my husband very I I Ignorant of what I was going to find I In it It the was circular of an agency i which charged Itself to watch hus bands on account of their wives and wives on account of their husbands I handed the paper to Raoul who as soon as his eye caught the words I crumpled it up with a gesture of im patience He had no reason to be an noyed I shall never use such means I wH never have him under the es poinage of the public I will watch him myself ns oar nnfo Qt o cnl n whom one suspicions n of meditating UIU de I meditatng sertion He need not fear that I will open his letters that I will search about in the drawers of his secretary But since wives ought to follow their husbands since the husband ought to go where his wife cannot follow him he must be on his guard Perhaps i one day hastening to some rendezvous joyous with this wicked joy that I sur prise in certain moments in his eyes I in his voice in his gestures it will be I his wife that he will find wU wi So I am at the end of my reflections they have not consoled me refetons I have calmed me a little It was ltte I a sharp pain that has little by little set ltte ted into a dull neuralgia I leave my writing F Tin table and go to the window the middle te one which looks directly on the terrace the air is grow ing cool and refreshing i is past 6 oclock I have meditated a long time At present the sun is behind the great eucalyptus trees that wall the end of our garden giving me the grden illusion that there are no houses no Paris on that side In the garden without the sun there I reigns a delicious atmosphere In spite of the excessive heat of this unusually advanced springtime the fundo dell aria as they say in Florence keeps del freshness How good i Is How charm lug and desirable how enviable and rare this garden this hotel in the sub urbs of SaIntHonore How much apparent reason I have to enjoy lifeto be lfeto happy Most excel lent parents a charming husband too charminga perfect iove of a baby all my caprices satisfied Ah I should adore to live if two blue eyes shtul two black eyes did not exist I am not wicked but if I could put out those eyes the blue and the black very softly without making them ver I sufer without giving too much sorrow to those who love themI mean to thoso who have a right to love them That iswrong Ah dame I love my hus band and I wish him all to myself I Vila I I THE COMFORTER I May 26 Iam all alone again this evening as so often this past year I Whereis i Raoul I have ceased to ask him tired of the I I ever recurring falsehood so easy so i uselessI am going to the club j I I To be strictly truthful I ought to note that today he put himself at my service to attend the private theatricals theatri-cals at the Avrezacs this evening but I knew that Mile de Gllverny plays the role of Ingenue findeslecle so the programme expresses i that fact tn9k away all my desire to go As to Raoul well I am not very much disturbed dis-turbed of course he Is there and Mme Delaveaux also no doubt At this moment he Is by the side of one ort or-t other he will talk with them letting let-ting his glance half ironlque half admiring ad-miring rove over their corsages a glance he always gives the women who i please him but whom he does not respect re-spect At the time he was loving me he had other ways of looking at me Ah well let us not think of all that Near nie I have 1 comforter which makes me forget everything else which is worth all tite l This evening I sent I babys nurse Ito the theatre with the governess of I the little Virmondays I I I < > h I = and i is I who am sitting by this crib watching my Rene Monsieur Rene Is fast asleep lyingon his badk his left arm1 6uf of bed his little pink list clutching thef dge of the sheet lila lflfle l cap is slightlyawry inclined toward his ear which gives gves an air of mutiny to his pretty face a little puffed with the sleep He puckers puck-ers his lips which are all moist and now and then he makes a funny little gurgling sound Oh the love I have a mad desire to eat him with kisses No I must not vvake him I one troubles his fast sleep Monsieur Baby I absolutely refuses to go to sleep again before the hour of hiS second slumber that is to say near 1 oclock in the morning For he sleeps in sections with an Interval of nearly threequar ters of an hour during which he sings talks tosses about drinks his milk with a little orange flower water in i in fact he is a personage of very regu I lar habits m Ilai will be 19 months old the 4th of I next June Het Is very strong and I above all Very large his nurse says I that every one thinks him much older than he is when she has him in the Tulleries But perhaps she said that J to please me I should like to have Rene the largest strorigest handsomest handsom-est most Intelligent baby In the world Maternity Us pride and egotism maybe may-be permitted It seems to me Never I theless I do not believe I am blind to my little sons deficiencies I he promises prom-ises to be a handsome fellow nothing at present indicates that he is exceptionally i excep-tionally intelligent He does not really i talk The little Julia Virmonday who I is only two months older talks flu eritly But the broken language of Rene is so delicious I He says mamma and game and with these two words he obtains everything every-thing that he wishes He points to his fathers portrait under the name of tata poquet I make him say his lit tie prayer every evening after he is in i j bed a simple little prayer j My good Jesus I give you my heart Make me grow up to serve you and give health to papa mamma grand mamma and nurse So may it be i Said by Monsieur Baby it becomes a I little like this I Good Zesus div tart sur voo div j 1 helf to tata mamma game nurse so so soBut But If he swallows several words he j makes up for them In his signs of the I i cross He makes at least a dozen before j I be-fore and as mnnv afterwards The flfnr i I He has been much better the last day or two Nevertheless the doctor comes I to see him every morning but I was I not able today to obtain from him a decide j I de-cide affirmation the comforting j nothing to fearthat I tried for I When I think how really fragile is this i little being I adore how a fever could take him from me in a few hours I feel I at the end of my reason fairly crazy I i with anxiety I jump up and run to the sweet and am only reassured when I see how evenly and regularly the I sheet raises and lowers and how his little hands move about and near his mouth murmur the language of his I slumbers I And while I am by my son Kaoul may be soliciting a rendezvous with olctng wIh j I Mme Delaveaux or enjoying a tete a enj tete with Mile de Giverny For I have I ceased to believe that all these ore tended flirtations stop in the halfin nocence My personal experience and I above all Mammas Instructions have taken away my former credulity When your husband descends i to flirting be assured there is between flirting and criminality crimi-nality only i the distance of a possibility pos-sibility and opportunity she says Flirt frightful word When I hear I spoken near me now I have a chill of j horror as of a word the most vile vie To occupy these hours by babys pil Icw I went into Raouls smoking room his den where he received his friends and where I rarely go I panted some papers to read I have a pile by i me Figaro Gil Bias Gaulois Libre J Parole and others RaouJ who is the most disorderly of husbands the most I confiding also I must say had tranquilly tran-quilly left his bunch of keys in the lock of his desk the bunch with the I hanging chain Was I tempted No leally I do not think I wa Rather I had the fear of being tempted tempt-ed So I saved myself by going back into my room with clean hands I rang for Joseph my husbands valet de chambre who has served ever since he Raoul was a lad and who is devoted I de-voted to him so devoted that I feel he is my enemy I sent him to find I me the D > r = 2rs A moment after he I brought them and I am very sure he put the keys away I I do not read the journals very often The articles in the serious ones are stupid and weary me the others which I publish articles that amuse our husbands hus-bands and brothers are full of things that I do not understand and some I things that I understand all too well ig hta and which make me fairly HI to read I as it does to see a wound or deform its itvThis I This journal now Raoul says is the familiar reading of sports roues and I i women of H reputelet us see the ef I I feet on a reputable woman although the wife of a no it hurts me to give I that name to him These head lines I The Story of a Man Who Killed His Dog After the Death of His Wife I said truly that I dont understand Curious thing for him to do 1mI was informed that yesterday yester-day in the Bois one noticed Mile Des cloziers Marguerite de Bourgogne Lu dovique Surville tc etc a dozen lines or more Who would be interested in that Friends ot the young girls perhaps they must be very numerous mon dieu that one takes so much trouble to please them Polities I do not care for that Bank clerk absconded A jealous woman wom-an tired three shots tom a icvoiver at her husband Poor woman In lowlife I low-life as in high It is we alas who always al-ways have to suffer are forsaten and wretched But how could one kill one II they loved Theatrical announcements personals I this is amusing Plenty of little dramas and comedies In these short paragraphs I Some are in cipher I cannot read those thoSEFus Thanks 2 letters will write 3v Dens tro I Pens troWonder what that means N E Sad at separation Try agan I Suddenly I was cold It seemed tome to-me all the blood inmy heart was going out The journal slipped from my iap1 j I sat without strength almost without I consciousness a long moment my eyes closed and head resting on the back of my easy chafr When I came to myself but still weak and frightened i picked up the paper my eyes were riveted to the lines which on first reading had so overcome me This Is what I read I HJo Tomorrow evening Satur j day Have succeeded In getting in town from the horrible country vn be at the place agreed upon at 10 oclock But do not come if you have not decided to be wise Suze Why Immediately was I convinced i that n was Raoul my husband and i that Suze meant Suzanne Delavvaux tIat Reasonably It was purely circumstantial circum-stantial I did not know Mme Delay Dela-y aux was absent from Paris I had I even said to Raoul in speaking of the soiree today and trying to joke I You wU see la belle Suzanne at the I fete and he miled in his black beard i without denying it i Was hegnorant of her absenc Or was he playing with me I do not I I know But I am perfectly sure that I little correspondence was addressed to Raoul by Mme Delaveaux i am sure of It Intuitively Invincibly Nothing I i could convince me to the contrary j I Word for word I reread the dreadful lines Each word was alive the whole i I sentence a living thing a horrible octopus j r oc-topus of which each word was a ten I lade This cynical cry Joy meaning delight at escaping from her husband j I deceiving him by no one knows vhat i subterfuges and running to the most I frightful of slnsWm he at the place i agreed uponI cannot contain myself I I cannot hold back the tears any linger i The place agreed upon It is then b true it Is a fact this that Iltave feared fear-ed There is a place in Paris where the man to whom I have given myself in marriage Oh FO utterly oossesses a home of tenderness and it is not the i 1 I house where 1 live and where our child is I The last lines in spite cf their repugnant i repug-nant tone of familiarity have left me i i a little hope Do not come i you have not decided to be wise i What did she want of him then this I wicked woman It Is very sure she does not love himno woman who i ICed would have written such a i I phrase as that The nurse had returned from the theatre I the-atre I am going to send her to bed i in her room and I am going to have 1 the couch made comfortable and I I will sleep tonight by Renes crib See i Raoul again today No I could not here near my child May I have the strength to not despair 1 Oh My dear little comforter I To Be Continued Next Sunday I 0 = |