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Show 4 A Line o' Type or Two "Fay ce que vouldras." i f BY B. L. T. Bobbin Dobbin. Gone like a golf ball In the rough. Like the open cars and the rowdy suff.. Like the postcard rack and pies of Maw's Where are the equine summer straws? Q. A. H. "We are about to enter a forty years' march through a desert," says Germany's foreign minister. Say, listen. Mueller, you don't know what a desert is: Of All the Glad New-Year, Mother, the Maddest, Merriest Day. Sir: Ain't you gladder than anything that our president is "gladder and gladder" glad-der" that he's home again? It's just the gladdest thing ever! A. GLADDER GADDER. "Don't forget it was the British empire that won this war." Field Marshal Haig. Let's all frame the information and hang it over our desks. As a matter of fact, the Salvation Army doughnut won the war. The Last Gasp in Independence. Sir: What is it the height of when two old boys get all bet up arguing the merits and demerits of the W. G. N. on the rattler from Winnetka, and one of them opines that the paper is entirely independent because be-cause it allows this here B. L. T. to have any views he dampleascs? FLO. "You have an excellent - disposition." wrote M. France in the preface to a book of essays, addressing M. Hebrard, editor of the Temps, "you have an excellent disposition dis-position and you are very easy to get on with. You never reproach me. I do not plume -myself on this. You understood at once that I was not good for much, and that It was best not to torment me. I can say. without flattering myself, that this is the principal cause of the liberty which you permit me in your newspaper. You knew that I was incorrigible, and you despaired of Improving me." Yes, but We Need Bain. Sir: You recall the stranded Broadway chorus girl who went from bad to worse and from worse to beer-gardens; hut what t started to say was, a ral ostate friend, commenting on tho modification of Chicago's Chi-cago's residence sectors, bays, First it was Kenwood, then Kohnwood, and now Koon-wood. Koon-wood. Had you heard this before? I knew it. Oh, hum! Fine weather we're having. J- l'n- B. "Wanted to rent a suitable place to store wife and son; three or four rooms if possible." Mitchell, S. IX, Republican. Here, says A. J. M., is a happy little suggestion for golfers. Problem of Professorial Conduct. Sir: The Professor of Education requests re-quests me to obtain your advice In connection con-nection with a rather delicate matter. As he still has a nfad at your circ. dept., and refuses to renew (borrowing tho paper in rotation, however, from his colleagues), he feels that he has no right to communicate in person. As Director of the Summer School (happiest of euphemisms), he has received via the second post the following: "Friend Director, Dear Sir and Friend: I had planned to take out some work In vour school but I got sick. I got a fever. I am all broke out. T got a purple rash all over me. Everywhere. And I can't come. Respectfully, Miss ." What shall the P. of E. reply? P. D. S. "Have you," Inquires a reader, "hard of the Wisconsin town called Prairie du Sac, generally referred to as P. D. S.?" On With the Dance, Let Joy Be Unrefined. Un-refined. .Sir: Tn Wausau a group at a dance were discussing whether cv not they should leave for home. They asked the opinion of one of the prominent young men, and after looking at his shirt and slapping himself on his chest, he said; "We might just as well stay until the end, because I will have to change my underwear anyway.1' G. Ben Bolt. Oh, don't you remember Green River, Ben Bolt, With its color a wonderful brown? You'd smile with delight when you gave 1 it one sniff, Then pour a whole glassful right down. In the old dump yard in the village, Ben Bolt, With the tin cans, and bottles, and bones, They 'took the good booze and they poured it all out, And it ran away over the stones. Under the hickory tree, Ben Bolt, Which stood at the foot of the hill, Together we've lain in the noonday shade As we came from the old gin mill. They're using it now for a laundry, Ben Bolt, With ammonia Instead of dry gin; And the smell of old clothes hits' your nose with a jolt, If by chance you forget and go in. And don't you remember the barkeep, Ben Bolt, With his features so noble and true? When you gave him one look, and your finger a crook, He would set out the Kentucky Dew. He has passed his last schooner across the big bar And my throat Is most awfully dry; For one drink is enough of this blind -tiger stuff. And there's nothing left now but to die. R. E. V. Lady Beatty's income taxes slightly exceed ex-ceed her income, whereas our income slightly exceeds our taxes. Useful Information. (From the Plattsmouth, Neb., Journal.) Charles Renner has made the purchase of a new car which he is using for riding when he and his wife go anywhere. The car is one of the universal, and was purchased pur-chased through the agency of the Pollock Auto companv of this place. Mr. Rehner is getting pretty well used to running the car now, and this makes it doubly useful for him, and after Mrs. Renner has become be-come proficient in the matter of handling it, the car will become more useful. During Elks week at Atlantic f'ily. the music on the Steel Pier included "The Battered Bride" and "The Tearing of the Green." We Get the Idea. Sir: A notice from the Illinois Athletic club reads: "Your house committee urgently ur-gently requests that members be as careful care-ful as possible about violating the above rules." E. S. G. We suggest that the word "In" be substituted sub-stituted for "about." That covers the matter tho most important matter in club life at present. The Lemon Flckers. Sir: T may not. like Oax. invariably select se-lect the sidf of a train on which all of the Root and cinders fly, but at Ravinia. Lincoln, or any other park T inevitably seat myself under the tree, hush, or shrub selected by all of the local mosquitoes for their annual banquet. I cannot conceive of such a congregation occurring more than once a yar. SAMDUN. The Wonders of Prohibition. Sir: Having disposed of my oasis. I went home sober for the first time yesterday. yester-day. Noticed the conductor say. "Tripn avpnue. Watch vour siep!" Ain't prohibition prohi-bition wonderful? DESICCATED. There is, In yoolh, no accounting for tastrs. On the back of an emelopo wc find this printed : Henry Likes Saint Louis. |