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Show Pear JQHNT Presented as a Community Service Ser-vice from Intermountain Health Care. John Waterbury is Director Direc-tor of Community Services with Intermountain Health Care. Letters Let-ters and responses to the Dear John Column may be sent to him at: IHCH, 21st floor, 36 S. State, Sail Lake City, Utah, 84111. By John Waterbury grade. He'd been picked up sluffing school with a friend in possession of pot and paraphernalia. I had them take him to Youth Services a county facility where run-aways and troubled trou-bled teens may be taken by police or parents for a very temporary tempor-ary "time out" where brief counseling and "re-location" decisions regarding the adolescent may take place. That was the beginning of police involvement, and what eventually led to a long string of interaction with "the authorities" including several sever-al stays at detention each one lasting from a few days to a few weeks, six weeks of psychiatric hospitalization, youth corrections, correc-tions, restitution, making him a ward of the state, and 14 months of residential placement. All of this served to interrupt his drug and alcohol use, but it did not deter him from returning to drugs and alcohol becoming becom-ing "hooked" over and over again. Drugs used during this period of time included alcohol, marijuana, hashish, LSD, mushrooms, prescription drugs, morphine, and cocaine. An estimate of his cost is in the neighborhood of $10,000. He got his money by stealing from every member of the family, shoplifting, selling or pawning his possessions that had any value, robbing houses, rifling cars, and dealing drugs. It's an ugly, ugly picture. During the months in which he was in treatment, he became "program-wise." He learned to play the game; say the right things, and take the steps necessary to progress and return home. In actuality he did pick up some good life skills. He earned some school credit. He learned about the hazards of a life on drugs. .He established some meaningful relationships with counselors and others. He did at times I believe want to change. But once he returned home to his friends and the community he was unable to sustain sobriety and soon the previous pattern of behaviors was once again entrenched. The other problem, us I see it, was that none of the treatment programs he completed specifically dealt with the issues of chemical dependency. They were all behaviorally oriented a necessary component, without a doubt, but insufficient for meeting the needs of an alcoholic and an addict. Within three or four months after completing his last residential residen-tial program (which lasted 1 1 months), it became apparent that something else had to be done. He was sluffing and failing school; spending less and less time at home; losing weight; deteriorating in his physical appearance; coughing continually, expressing hostility to everybody, become more belligerant, having mood swings, and using aggressive behavior and language. lan-guage. Money and other things disappeared. The thoughts of yet another program curdled his blood as well as mine. I was totally discouraged at the thought. My emotional resources were near exhaustion to say nothing of financial resources and insurance coverage. I knew of Day spring and began researching it more thoroughly thorough-ly attending programs presented by their clients, talking to parents of patients, talking to agencies who referred individuals, investigating other hospitals and organizations who sponsored drug treatment programs and comparing them talking with intake in-take personnel, staff, and director, and finally checking with physicians and insurance companies regarding admission and coverage. I really did "my homework" and I was ready to gather my courage and exercise the necessary "tough love" to have my son admitted. His behavior could no longer be endured or tolerated at home. At a family meeting with his corrections worker, she informed him that because he had failed to comply with his treatment plan, he was being admitted to Dayspring for a two-day evaluation evalua-tion and further treatment would be dependent upon the results of that evaluation. Needless to say he was enraged!! He did everything to try and convince us he didn't need treatment. He promised he'd quit using. He said he could do it on his own; he just needed one more chance. He didn't want anything to do with treatment they "messed with your head." We didn't budge. The morning for his admission came but he had gone via the window sometime during the night. The flood of multi-faceted multi-faceted emotions that filled my entire being was overwhelming overwhelm-ing anger, fear, contempt, worry, frustration, guilt, depression, depress-ion, and more consumed me. He was gone for several days but made periodic contact with us so we knew he was okay. Then he returned home saying he'd changed and again promised that everything would be different. In less than a week he'd missed school, been late for curfew, violated miscellaneous rules, and sneaked out of the house via the window after curfew. He was totally out of control. Luckily, he and his friends were picked up by the police in the middle of the night for curfew violation. When they called for us to come and get him, I refused. I told them there was a pick-up order on him and that they would have to take him to detention. He sat in detention for two weeks without a visit letter or contact of any kind. Eventually, he sent word he was ready to go to Dayspnng, and at his court hearing, the judge ordered him there. We drove to Dayspring, stopping only for a hamburger. He went to the bathroom and ran again. I was furious, hurt, humiliated, devastated. de-vastated. Five days later the doorbell rang at 10:30 p.m. It was him. He was ready to go.. .and this time he meant it. In the morning he was still in his room and willing to go. He was admitted. That doesn't mean a miraculous recovery has occurred. Far from it. In fact, he's run twice so far, but returned himself back in each time. He currently is recognizing and admitting he needs and wants help. He's making progress, but it's slow and a lot of hard, soul-wrenching work. There are no guarantees that my son will be "cured," but then. ..there are no guarantees that surgery will be successful or that financial investments will all bring a profit. There is only the "potential" for gain and improvement. I can say that for today to-day my sanity is being restored; I'm appreciating and enjoying what I have today; and I'm beginning to experience some hope for tomorrow. I can also say that, for today, my son is closer to being on the right track again. He's sober and has been for awhile. He's healthy, gaining weight, and looking good. He's becoming active, ac-tive, involved, enjoying, and appreciating life. He's making new friends, setting and achieving some goals. He's working his program, however slow, hard, and painful it may be. Today.. .he's alive which is more than I can say for several of his former friends five of which have passed away in as many months. Today. ..he's happier and doing productive things. Today, there's hope that there will be a tomorrow and a more promising promis-ing future for him. (This information is presented as a community service of Dayspring Chemical Dependency Treatment Centers and is based on the actual experiences of a family in the program. For more information contact Shirley Cutler at 265-3075. MY STORY My son was a lot like yours at age 12. He was three merit badges away from Eagle, an all-star baseball player, enthusiastic enthusias-tic about life and all of its adventure, attended church, and was passing school. I don't know what happened; when it happened; why.. .or how; but sometime when he was 13 all of that came to an abrupt halt. He quit all activity in scouts. He could care less about baseball, golf, or other sports. His personality changed; he failed school, his behavior became abominable. In essence, he dropped out of life. He had discovered drugs and alcohol. Well.. .now what? What's a parent supposed to dd? I was a teacher of troubled secondary students. I was trained to recognize the signs and symptoms of drug abuse. As a result, I suspected and discovered my son's involvement within a few months. Most kids have been using drugs and alcohol for one or two years before their parents become aware of the problem. My dilemma was the fact that I'd learned the signs and symptoms, symp-toms, but then what do you do about it? A teacher is legally obligated to inform the parents. But I was the parent and beyond recognizing signs and symptoms and reporting it to the authorities, I didn't know where to go or what to do. I read books; I attended meetings, I took classes, I enrolled my kid in special programs, I got him counseling, I confronted him, I punished him, I tried to control his activities, his friends, his life. Nothing worked. I searched his room, I called the police and reported him, I called Odyssey House and ARTEC for advice, I called psychiatrists, counselors, school officials, probation prob-ation officers, clergy anyone I could think of and asked them for help. They had no new answers. They reassured me I was doing all the right things, but nothing worked. I cried, I canceled my plans so I could "watch" him, I withdrew from my activities, obligations, and friends to be available to him, I tried to love him more give him more positive attention, I worried, I ago-' nized 1 got colitis. I'd follow him, I'd check up on his whereabouts; whereab-outs; I'd get up in the middle of the night to see if he'd gone out the window, and I'd be waiting in his bed when he'd come back home through the window. I warned him that if the police ever called me to say they'd picked him up, I would not bail him out. That day came the first of November, 1984, 14 years old, 9th |