OCR Text |
Show SmileAijhilf Time Would Tell Neighbor "A remarkable old man, your granduncle. When he died he had every tooth in his head, his eyesight was very good and his hearing was excellent. To the best of my knowledge he retained re-tained full possession of his faculties facul-ties until the very end." Grandnephew "Well, we'll be able to make sure of that when his will is read tomorrow." Helpful Mrs. Peck "Help! I'm choking." chok-ing." Mr. Peck "Sh-h-h, the neighbors neigh-bors will think I'm doing it." Mrs.. Peck "I don't care. Get me something, quick." Mr. Peck "What did you swallow?" swal-low?" Mrs. Peck "A sponge." Mr. Peck "Okay, I'll go and get some water." Prevaricator Joe and Jim crawled into their bright red hunting suits, cradled their guns in their arms and made for the woods. They had penetrated pene-trated the preserves for only a short distance when Joe sighted a leer. He raised his gun and fired. k defective shell caused the barrel to explode. He put his hand to his face and then looked at it. It was covered with blood. "I'm dead," he screeched hysterically and keeled over in a dead faint. Jim looked at his stricken companion, com-panion, picked him up and carried him all the way to the morgue. The doctor looked at the bleeding man, examined him, then turned to Jim. "Why have you brought this man here?" he asked. "He isn't dead." Jim seemed startled. "Are you sure, doctor?" he demanded. "Of course I am sure," replied the doctor. "I'll never believe another word that guy tells me," Jirn said in disgust. dis-gust. "He told me he was dead." Open and Shut Case There probably are millions of cases of unreturned umbrellas but Pat O'Rourke was unfortunate enough to be sued for failing to return one he had borrowed. Just before the trial opened Pat managed to get the umbrella back into the original owner's custody, but the latter went ahead with the suit, contending that the article was damaged beyond repair. When it came time for Pat t speak his piece he stood up before the court and with his feelings irreparably injured s&id: "Yer Honor, in the first place Oi niver borryed the danged thing, in the second place it wuz just thot way whin I got it, and in the third place I returned it in perfect shape, Oi did." |