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Show NOW PLAYING A Perfect is pstag y MonKeys ITarzan, The Ape Man "I don't know whether to laugh or cry," says Bo Derek in the film "Tarzan, The Ape Man" in which she virtually dominates every frame. Those were my sentiments too as I watched a beautifully photographed film that said absolutely nothing other than Bo Derek is a beautiful woman. "What now?" a-nother a-nother famous line from this film that try as I might, I couldn't make any sense out of nor is it easy to find a reason for it even being made. Of course, there is the fact that 'the movie has already grossed over twenty million dollars. Park City audiences may be a little more discriminating. The film is doing good business but. not enough to hold it over at the Holiday Cinema according to theatre spent, turns out to be nothing more than a soft-porno soft-porno film. The fact that Bo Derek spends at least half her time in the film being topless is not only distracting but disturbing since it probably accounts for the big . box-office reception when there is little or no reason for her to be topless. John Derek knows how to photograph his wife. Bo Derek knows how to be photographed but it's obvious, ob-vious, at least to this reviewer, that neither one of them know how to tell a story. By the way. Holiday Cinema manager Kiitig tells me they're starting a Ladies .Nite on Mondays - all ladies will be admitted for $2, while Tuesday becomes Family Nite with the same price for family members. But don't waste your money on "Tar-zan"--there are some films where directors should be paying YOU to see them. manager Wolfgang Kiitig. The film was photographed and directed by John Derek. It stars Richard Harris (what's an accomplished actor like that doing in a movie like this?) who plays Jane's (Bo Derek) father with Miles O'Keefe playing Tarzan. Tarzan has absolutely no lines in the film except for his famous anguished "yell" and we're not quite sure that's his either. But Harris makes up for O'Keefe's lack of dialogue by not only having all speeches of two sentences or more but by delivering them with excessive exces-sive grandeur (a polite way of saying "he eats the i scenery"). Director Derek apparently had no idea of when to stop . , Harris or Bo and when to start O'Keefe. There could be a hidden message for us all in Harris's toast to Jane when he says, "I wish you strength - you're going to need it." He was right. I . needed it to get through one of the worst scenes Fve yet to see in a film. It takes place after Tarzan has passed out from exhaus-ion exhaus-ion (he has just rescued Jane from the clutches of a Boa Constrictor) and it's Jane's first opportunity to study the "ape-man" up close. Lines like "you're more beautiful than any girl I know" are pretty hard to take coming from Jane. So is her effort at trying to act innocent by putting her finger in her mouth and saying, "I've never touched a man before," be-fore," as she then proceeds to sexually stroke his body. To his credit, O'Keefe doesn't move a muscle. It's no wonder audiences have reportedly burst into laughter during portions of the film prompting the two Dereks to change their "serious," "natural," "innocent" "in-nocent" adjectives to com-iinents com-iinents that the film was supposed to be a spoof. It's obvious that producer and star Bo Derek and her husband John got caught with their hands in the short-on-talent cookie jar and despite the beating they've taken from critics everywhere every-where they are laughing all the way to the bank. There were also some major directorial and editorial mistakes. mis-takes. At one point, two scenes were cut together in such a away that it looked like Bo was watching herself run to her father. Since human beings still aren't able to be in two places at ( once, it was a glaring error. Unfortunately, a film that could have been much more, considering the money |