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Show "My grandfather, who was studying for the ministry, gave it up to become a lawyer." Argonaut. A Similitude. . "How did you happen to name that racehorse 'Comet' 7" "Because," answered the sardonic sport "by the time he pets once amund the track everybody has forgotten for-gotten that he ever started '" Washington. Wash-ington. Star. One Not Enough. "I wish I knew of two good summer places." "Two? Isn't one enough for you?" "Oh. yes; one's enough for rue. but I want another for my wife." Buffalo Express. Made Him Sick. De Tracker The killing of that Jockey in yesterday's race was a horrible hor-rible affair, wasn't it? IV Batter Horrible, horrible! Just made me sick. I had nil my money on that horse. New York Weekly. The Modern Polonius. "Now, my boy. don't expect to work wonders in this world." "All right, dad." "You can cet quicker returns by working suckers." Kansas City Journal. Jour-nal. Pa's Idea of It. Little Willie Say, Pa, what Is pride? Pa Pride, my son, is walking with a gold-headed cane when you are not I lame. Chicago News. JUST FOR FUN ' Rose Colored. Miss Jane Addams, tho brilliant head of Hull House, said; "We women have still much to fight for. Well, lot us frankly admit It. There Is nothing to be gained by such rose-colored phrases as William j White employed ' "William While's brother had killed kill-ed a man in cold blood. j " 'Well, William, how about your brother?' a visitor to the town asked him one day after the trial 'Well,' said William, 'they've put hlni In jail for a month.' " 'That's rather a light Hentence for a cold-blooded murder,' said the gentleman. '"Yes, sir.' William admitted, 'but at the month's end they are t-'olng to hang him.'" Cincinnati nqulrer. Identified. A nuestlon lu a recent examination examina-tion on "The Merchaut of Venice." In the Evansvllle High school, was: "Give three reasons why Shylock hated Antonio." One little girl wrote at one of her reasons: "Shylock hated Anotnlo because ho was a Republican." The teacher was puzzled. Where could the child have gotten that Idea? Then sho remembered that Shylock once said of Antonio, "How like a fawning publican he looks." National Nation-al Monthly. She Was Wrong. There wns an oppressive silence In the parlor. At last the desperate young lady broke out. j "George!" asked she, "why don't you propose?" i "Somehow somehow, I can't hritig 1 myself to. do it. Myrtle!" blurted out tho young man. "It's only a short sentence, Georgo." 1 "It's a sentence for life!" Judge. The Utilitarian. "Hello, Johnny," said the village blacksmith; "I hear your paw has gone into politics" "Sure." "How'd that happen?" "Well, my uncle left him a nilk hat and a Prince Albert coat In his will, and paw had to do something with them." Washington Star. A Safe Deduction. "Do yon think you could identify the burglar?" asked the detecllvo from the Cltv Hall. "Well. I never saw him." replied ' the victim, "but he was a very small man " "I low do you know?" "Haven't 1 told you ho pot into our flat without any trouble?" Catholic Catho-lic Standard and Times. Hla Blunder. He Why on earth do poets almost always speak of "wine und women" together7 She I'm sure I don't know; It Isn't very complimentary. He Of comse not. Many wines improve im-prove with ace; and most women do not. Merry Thoughts. Getting Even. LiUo the lava from , a crater Came the gravy on his pato. For he fallfd to tip the waiter, So the waiter lipped the plate. Woman's Home, Companion. A Tracn. The counsel for the opposition had been bullying the witness tor more than an hour, when he finally asked: 'Is It tnie there lire traces or Insanity Insani-ty In your ramlly?" "It would be folly fol-ly to duoy It," replied the witness. |
