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Show ZHfunkd about This Business of Golf. OAKLAND, CALIF. As I sit writing this, I look out where elderly gentlemen, intent on relaxing, may be seen tensing themselves up tighter than a cocked wolf-trap, wolf-trap, and then staggering toward to-ward the clubhouse with every nerve standing on end and screaming for help and highballs. I smile at them, for I am one who has eiven un eolf. You mieht even go so far as to say golf gave me up. I tried and tried, but I never broke a typhoid ty-phoid patient's temperature tem-perature chart never got below 102. I spent so much time climbing into sand-traps and out again that people began be-gan thinking I was a new kind of hermit, her-mit, living by preference pref-erence in bunkers Irvin S. Cobb the old man of the link beds, they'd be calling me next. And I used to slice so far into the rough that, looking for my ball, I penetrated jungles where the foot of man hadn't trod since the early mound builders. That's how I added add-ed many rare specimens to my collection col-lection of Indian relics. But the last straw was when a Scotch professional, after morbidly watching my form, told me that at any rate there was one thing about me which was correct I did have on golf stockings! Congressional Boldness. WARNING to pet lovers: If you own guinea pigs or tame rabbits rab-bits or trained seals or such-like gentle creatures, try to keep the word from them that some of the majority members of the lower branch of congress actually threatened threat-ened to defy their master's voice. The senate always has been known as the world's greatest deliberative delib-erative body and, week by week and month by month don't those elder statesmen know how to deliberate! delib-erate! But these last few years the house has earned the reputation of being the most docile legislative outfit since Aesop's King Stork ruled ! over the synod of the frogs. j So should the news ever spread ! among the lesser creatures, hitherto hither-to so placid and biddable, that an example had been set at Washington, there's no telling when the Belgian Bel-gian hares will start rampaging and the singing mice will begin acting up rough and the grubworms will gang against the big old woodpecker. woodpeck-er. I Professional Orators. WE HAVE in Southern California Califor-nia a professional orator who long ago discovered that the most dulcet music on earth was the sound of his own voice. He'll speak anywhere any-where at the drop of the hat and provide the hat. What's worse, this coast-defender of ours labors under the delusion that, if he shouts at the top of his voice, his eloquence will be all the more forceful. The only way to avoid meeting him at dinner is to eat at an owl wagon. But the other night, at an important banquet, he strangely was missing from the array ar-ray of speakers at the head table. One guest turned in amazement to his neighbor: "Where's Blank?" he inquired, naming the absentee. "Didn't you hear?" answered the other. "He busted a couple of ear drums." "Whose?" said the first fellow. Foes of Nazidom. THE veteran Rabbi Stephen Wise of New York has been reasonably reason-ably outspoken in his views on Nazi treatment of his own co-religionists and the practitioners of other faiths as well. And one of the most venerable ven-erable prelates of the Catholic church in Europe, while discussing the same subject, hasn't exactly pulled his punches, either. So what? A friend just back from abroad te!3 me that in Berlin he heard a high government officer fiercely denounce these two distinguished distin-guished men. About the mildest thing the speaker said about them was that both wore senile. Somehow Some-how or other, the speech wasn't printed in the German papers maybe by orders from on high. Vcll, far be it from this innocent inno-cent bystander to got into religious arguments and besides I have no first-hand knowledge as to the Christian Chris-tian clergyman's state of health, although, al-though, Judging by his utterances, there's nothing particularly wrong with his mind. Uut I do know Rabbi Rab-bi Wise, and, if he's in his dotage, so is Shirley Temple. And I rif.k the assertion that he would be perfectly per-fectly willing to have one foot In the grave if he could have the other on Herr Hitler's nerk. mvi.N ft. conn j e-WNU rvlc. |