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Show Ihjmhd about "Benefit" Promises. SANTA MONICA, CALIF. Maybe "benefits" are being be-ing overdone indeed, some are rackets wearing the mask of charity but even so, if a good trouper has promised to show up, you'd think he would prove he's a good trouper by showing up. There have been cases out here when there were listed enough notables to make a whole constellation of stars, but what resulted was a milky way of amateurs and unknowns. un-knowns. Those last-minute alibis for nonappearance non-appearance are not always true ones. The real facts may be: Ts ?3f5Sj! A night club cutup ; 1 has been unexpect- if s ; , edly taken sober V' and so isn't funny. S&JbTjJ vh A darling of the lVx: screen thinks he did enough when he al- 0 lowed the use of his '"yr ' ' J name, so he spends '" i the evening congen- -j,-1. 3 ially posing for pro- hi. r.-Ar; t,j file photographs. S- Cobb An actor is busy trying to decide whether he'll sell his yacht and buy a racing stable or sell his racing stable and buy a yacht. An actress' suddenly remembers she has an engagement over the Arizona line to be married some more. Staying at home to post up the diary used to be an excuse, but diary-keeping is now out oh, absolutely! Talking Fish. DROF. ISAAC GINSBURG of the United States bureau of fisheries solemnly vows he has heard those tiny aquatic creatures known as seahorses sea-horses communicating with one another by speech and he suspects other species do the same thing. Undoubtedly so. I can confirm this discovery by a story Drury Underwood used to repeat Drury said a gentleman ordered whitefish in a Chicago restaurant. When the portion arrived the patron sniffed at it and then, in a confidential undertone, un-dertone, began talking, seemingly to himself. The waiter ranged up. "Anything wrong, sir?" he inquired. in-quired. "Oh, no," said the patron, "I was just talking to the fish." "Talking?" "Certainly. I said to him: 'Well, how're tricks out in Lake Michigan?' Michi-gan?' And he said: 'I wouldn't know. It's been so long since I left there I can't remember anything about it.' " The Race to Arms. ITALY sees Britain's bet of $7,500,-000,000 $7,500,-000,000 to be spent on war defense de-fense during the next five years, and raises it by decreeing militarization militariza-tion of all classes between the ages of eighteen and fifty-five, which means a trained fighting force of 8,000,000 ready for immediate mobilization, mo-bilization, adding as a side wager the promise of "total sacrifice, if required, of civil necessities. . . for attainment of maximum. . . military mili-tary needs." This means, of course, that France and Germany and Russia must chip in with taller stacks than before, and thus the merry game goes on until some nation, in desperation, des-peration, calls some other nation's bluff and all go down together in a welter of blood and bankruptcy and stark brutality. The world has been 5,000 years patching together the. covering called civilization, but experience shows that this sorry garment may be rent to tatters in an hour. Maniacs and Motors. T-ISPATCHES tell of a slaying J-' automobile which chased a citizen cit-izen clear up on the sidewalk and nailed him. This is a plain breach of the ethics governing our most popular national pastime that of mowing down the innocent bystander. bystand-er. Among our outstanding motor maniacs ma-niacs it has already been agreed that once a foot passenger reaches the pavement, he is out of bounds and cannot be put back in play until un-til somebody shoves him into the roadway again. Otherwise the pedestrian pe-destrian class would speedily be exterminated, ex-terminated, whereas its members are valuable for target practice when an operator is building up j to the point where he is qualified I to sideswipe a car full of women an1 children while going seventy j miles an hour, or meet a fast train on equal terms at a grade cross- i ing. By all means let us clarify the ruies 50 that the sport of destroying1 human life on the highroads shall j not sufTer through the ovcrzeal c! amateur homicides. Remem'jer our proud boast that we lead all the world i'l traffic horrors. IKVIN S. COEB. C WNU Service. |