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Show t D001Y OH DREYFUS. : Well, Hinnissy. to get back to Rennes whim I left off. th' air was full iv rumors iv an approachin' massacre. It was still full at daybreak. Exthraor-diny Exthraor-diny measuresi was adopted to. provide again' disturbance. Th' gyard was doubled an' both polismen had all they cud do to keep th' crowd in ordher. Th' English an' American journalists appeared ap-peared at th' thrile wrapped up in th' flags iv their rayspictive counthries. All th' Jews, excipt th' owners iv anti-Jew anti-Jew papers fr'm Paris, wore heavy masks an' kep' their hands in their pockets. At 4 o'clock th' prisidint called th' audjicence to disordher, an', havin disentangled Gin'ral Merceer an' a former for-mer prisidint iv th' raypublic. demanded de-manded if Moosoo Bertillon was in th' room. "Here," says that gr-reat janius. de-scindin' de-scindin' fr'm th' roof iv a parachute. Ye know Bertillon. Ye don't? Iv coorse ye do. Hinnissy. He's th' la-ad that invinted th' system iv ditietive wurruk med aisy that they use down in th' centhral polis station. I mind wanst afther 'twas inthrojooced th' loot says to Andy Rohan he's a sergeant now, be hivins he says, "Go out." he says, "an' fetch in Mike McGool, th' safe robber." he says. "Here's his description," de-scription," he says. "Eyelashes eight killomethres long: eyes blue an' as- ment fr'm abaft th' left ear to base iv maxillory glan's, four hectograms: a r-red scar runnin' fr'm th' noomo-gas-thric narve to th' sicond dorsal vertee-bree," vertee-bree," he says. 'Tis so; I have th' description de-scription at home in th' cash drawer. Well. Andy come in about 6 o'clock that night, lookin' as though he'd been thryin' to r-run a fut race acrost a pile iv scra.p ir'n. an' says he: "Loot." he says, "I've got him," he says. "I didn't take th' measurements," he says, "because "be-cause whin I pulled out th' tape line he rowled me eighty hectograms down th sthreet," he says. "But 'tis Mike McGool," he says. "I don't know anny-thing anny-thing about his noomo-gasthric narves." he says, "but I reco'nized his face,". he says. "I've r-run him in fifty times." he says. Bertillon, besides bein' a profissor iv detictives. is a. handwritin' expert, which ia wan iv th' principal indns-threes indns-threes iv Fr-rance at th' prisint time. He was accompanied be a throop iv assistants as-sistants carryin' a camera, a muto-scope, muto-scope, a magic lanthern, a tib iv dye, a telescope, a calceem light, a sextant, a compass, a thermometer, a barometer, barom-eter, a thrunkful iv speeches, a duplicate dupli-cate to th" Agyptian Obelisk, an ink-eraser ink-eraser an' a rayceipt f'r makin'. goold out iv lesd pipe. "Well, sir," says Bertillon, "what d'ye want?" "Nawthin'," says th coort. Didn't ye ask to be called here?" "No," says Bertillon. "An ye didn't ask me, ayther. I come. Ye said jus' now, why do I believe th Cap's guilty? I will show ye. In th' spring iv ninety-five ninety-five or th' fall iv sixty-eight, I disray-mimber disray-mimber which, Gin'ral Merceer" "Ye lie," says- Gin'ral Merceer, coldly. " called on me an says he. 'Bertillon,' he says, 'ye'er fam'ly's been a little cracked an' I thought to ask ye to identify this letther which I've jus had written be a frind iv mine, Major Esterhazy,' he says. I don't care to i mintion who we suspect, but he's a canal Jew in th' artillery an' his name's Captain Dhreyfuss,' he says. 'It's not i aisy," I says, 'but if th' honor iv the j ar-rmy's at stake, I'll thry to fix th' raysponsibility,' I says. An' I wint to 1 wurruk. I discovered in th' first place j that all sentences begun with capitals an' they was a peryod at th' end iv each. This aroused me suspicions. Clearly this letther was written be a Jew. Here I paused, f'r I had no samples sam-ples iv th' cap's writtin' to compare with it. So I wrote wan mesilf. They was much th' same. 'Sure.' says I. 'th' cap's guilty," I says. But how did he do it? I thried a number iv experi-mints. experi-mints. 1 first laid down over th' letther let-ther a piece of common tissue paper. Th' writin' was perfectly plain through this. Thin I threw it on a screen eighteen eigh-teen hands high. Thin I threw it off. Thin I set it to music an' played it on a flute. Thin I cooked it over a slow fire an' left it in a cool, airy place to dhry. In an instant it flashed over me how th' forgery was done. "Th' cap first give it to his little boy to write. Thin he had his wife copy it in imitation imita-tion iV Mnivhmv niirnvfncu'c luvwl- writin'. Thin Macehew wrote it in imitation im-itation iv Esterhazy. Thin th' cap had it put on a typewriter an' r-run through a wringer. Thin I iaid is transversely across a piece of wall paper an' wher-iver wher-iver th' key wurrud sponge cake appeared ap-peared lie was thereby able fr to make a sympathetic lesion acquirin' all th' characteristics iv th' race an' a dam' sight more.' "'1 follow ye like a horse afther a hay wagon," sjys th' prisidint, "hungrily, "hun-grily, but unsatisfactorily. Ye do not prove that th' throuble was symotic, mong expert." "Faiiictly," says Moosoo Bertillon. "I will have me assistants put up a screen an' on this I will projooce ividince" "Ga away," says th' prisidint. "Call Colonel Fraystalter. Mong colonel, ye thraitor. describe th' conversation ye had with Colonel Schneider, th' honorable honor-able but lyin' spy or confidential envoy iv th' viu'rable Improriv Austhrich, may th' divvle fly away with him. But mind ye, ye must mintion no names." "I know no man more honest," says th' witness. "Thin your acquaintance is limited to ye'ersilf," says Gin'ral Merceer. "Colonel Schneider." says th' witness, "th' Austhrich whom T will designate, f'r fear iv internaytional entanglements, I merely as Colonel Schneider says to me, he say.: -Th' letther pretindin' to be fr'm me is a forgery.' "How's that?" says I. 'Didn't ye write an' sign it?' I says. 'I did,' says he. "But some wan ilse sint it to th' pa-apers.' " "Thin 'tis dearly a forgery," says th' prisidint. "I wish to ask this witness wan question." ques-tion." says Gin'ral Merceer. "Was it th Robin shell or th' clay befure?" "My answer . to that," says th' witness, wit-ness, "is decidedly, who.?" "Thin," says Gen'ral Merceer, "all I can say is, this wretch's testimony is all a pack iv lies." "Hoi' on there!" calls a voice fr'm th' aujience. "What do you want?" says th' prisidint. prisi-dint. "I'm th' corryspondint iv th' Georgia Daily Lyncher, an' I can't undherstand a wurrud ye say. I've lost me dictionary. diction-ary. Th' people iv th' state of Georgia mus' not be deprived iv their information informa-tion about th scand'lous conduct iv this Infamious coort." "Thrue," says th' prisidint. "Fr-rance 'd soon perish if Georgia shud thransfer its interest fr'm Fr-rinch coorts to its own 6acrel timples iv justice. "Mong Prisidint," says a white-faced polisman, "Judge Crazy de Bare" "Gr-reat hivins!" cries th' prisidint. Thin M quarantine at Oporto is a farce." An' he plunged into th' seethin' mass iv handwritin' experts an' ex-prisidints of the raypublic in th' coortyard below. be-low. "DOOLEY" IS BACX. "ooley" is in New York. He is registered reg-istered as Pinley Peter Dunne, at the hotel. .Mr. Dunne is the author of the well known "Mr. Doolev in. Peace and War." The bright young Chica-goan Chica-goan was in his tub when discovered. "I am removing some of my Irish reminiscences," he said. "I have spent the summer abroad, and mv visit, to Ireland was in every res-pect the most notable of all." Here the author of "Dooley" emerged from the bathroom and looked for an immaculate collar. "Such things," he said, "are more in cLjur hi rew xotk: man in Ireland." 'The Irish are an agricultural people," peo-ple," he resumed, "and that may account ac-count for some Of their ideas about linen. "I found that almost everybody in Ireland is more or less like Mr. Dooley. The habit of having impressions on political po-litical subjects is well distributed in the land of Cork. Almost anybody there sees something in his own Irish way. In London it was quite different. There the ordinary hansom driver or coachman has opinions about politics, but they are not his own. They think in types, in England. In Ireland, bow-ever, bow-ever, it's the man that thinks." Mr. Dunne was very enthusiastic about the beauty of Ireland. "It is worth going there," he said, "simply to see the color. It is a fine green, very soft. Its softness" is its peculiarity. It is the only green thing about the place, however, except the visitors. Indeed, In-deed, one of the characteristics of the Irish is their commercial shrewdness. One time at an inn I gave a half sov. ereigni to pay a bill of four shillings. The man touched his cap and said: 'Thank'ee, sir,' and pocketed the chanse." "Why is it, then, that your ordinary Irishman is a poor devil?" "Partly," Mr. Dunne replied, "because "be-cause they are an agricultural people and the land is very poor. They have had a hard struggle for existence. But when they come here they make fortunes. for-tunes. Some of the richest bankers I know are Irishmen. I don't mean to suggest that I have a very large acquaintance ac-quaintance among bankers. "The Irish govern well, too when they get over here," he resumed. "Look at Richard Croker. Perhaps it is because be-cause only the most energetic of them leave their native land. Between 1S20 ami isou n laise crowu oi mc oesi insn immigrated to this country. I think Croker must have come over then. "Speaking of bankers," said Mr. Dunne, "reminds me that I am going to have another book published soon. It will contain; some Dooley papers T wrote too late for the last book and five sets of Dooley opinions on the Dreyfus case. In one of these papers Mr. Dooley discourses on the Guerin-Fort-Chabrol matter. I will promise not to write any mcTe. So that if the people will buy my book they will kill two birds with one stone. "Part of my summer I spent in Paris," proceeded Mr. Dunne. "It was a very quiet summer. The Paul Deroulede incident was a tame affair. On the 14th of July thousands of Americans Amer-icans assembled before the statue of Alsace-Lorraine to hear M. Deroulede deliver a revolutionary address. M. Deroulede appeared, followed by twenty decadent poets. A policeman told him he could not speak. " 'Tres: bien,' said M. Deroulede, and he and the twenty poets with long hair and anaemic faces went away. That was the most exciting incident of the i summer. The next day the London papers pa-pers had full accounts of the speech that was not delivered." "What are your impressions of Europe, Eu-rope, Mr. Dunne?" . "When, I was in London," he replied, "I got some excellent impressions ' of America. I saw fine specimens of Americans wherever I went. American plays were at the theatres, Americans in the hotels, restaurants, streets, all public places. It was hard to find an Englishman. In Paris, too, I had some good impressions of America. Now and then, however, I did see a Frenchman. I could identify him by what he said: 'Conepuez Zola!' 'A bas Dreyfus!' 'Vivi l'armee!' etc. Since I returned to New York my impressions im-pressions of America have been strengthened." ii |
